“You are your own worst obstacle, because you can’t see what’s in front of you. What are you dealing with right now in your life?” He asked.

“Divorce, figuring out what I’ll do career wise, and also working on my small business”

So don’t you think,” he continued,” that you owe it to yourself to be present in those circumstances and situations, without focusing so much on projected outcomes. You’ll get to the future soon enough, but sit in this moment right now and be present with yourself and the environment around you. What do you need to know about this moment, about this place you are in?”

I thought about that and I realized what I really need to know is that I can be present in the insecurity, in the moments where everything isn’t defined as much as I’d like. That until I was present in those moments, I might be missing out on details and information that could help me make an informed choice about the circumstances I found myself in.

There’s no need to escape into a projected outcome, because doing so actually keeps you where you already were, but deludes you, instead of enabling you to be mindful and aware of yourself and your surroundings. That is the lesson the elephant god continues to teach me and each time I see it in action, I come closer and closer to accepting it and living it.

I dressed in my ritual garb, including a necklace for elephant and a bracelet of elephant hair. I put on my robe and ritual pants I have. I placed all my time magic tools in the center of the room and then sat down and when ready touched each painting for each of the time and space entities I’m working with and asked for an audience with them. I then unlocked my memory box and used it to travel into the spider web of time and meet Elephant, Thiede, Purson, and the Spider Goddess of Time.

First I apologized to each of the entities in turn. I haven’t done much in the last with this working, partially because of having a house guest in my ritual room, but in some ways moreso because of ongoing business busyness. Needless to say something I’ve realized is that I don’t want to sacrifice my spiritual life to my business life so I’m working on trying to get a better work-life balance into place.

After that the spider goddess directed me to look into a window she presented me. When I looked into it, I saw images of the coming year, different moments that could occur. She told me she was giving me some information that would be useful for specific moments coming up, and that I’d have access to it when I needed it.

After that I did a meditation with Elephant, a recap of what we’d been working on before, i.e. learning to be present in the present, but also some further direction in terms of some personal issues I’m working with right now that have illustrated to me how much I sometimes invest my attention into possible futures. The direction boils down to a realization I had earlier today about the awareness of an energetic blockage and how I could stop feeding that blockage by learning to see how it showed up in my behavior to encourage situations that I didn’t necessarily want to deal with. If I could dissolve the sensation of the blockage it could help me with the tension I was feeling. Elephant explained that the same awareness of that tension could be used to also get focused on the present moment…so we’ll see what happens with it.

In other news, here’s a couple of links to a podcast interview of me and Lupa and a book review of Multi-Media Magic

Interview with Erotic Awakenings about Kink Magic

A very good and balanced review of Multi-Media Magic.

After I did the transitional jogging I got down on all fours and pretty much channeled Elephant. The focus of this working has been similar to the past ones, a continued realization of how obsessions can obscure the present awareness of time, of possibilities. What stands out to me the most is a sense of just how constructed my understanding of time is around desires, around needs around wants. Elephant pointed out that the need or desire a person experiences creates the perception and awareness of time that person has. Sure we have 24 hour days, but time is also constructed in terms of how long it takes to accomplish goals. We artificially construct time around the needs we have, as well as the fulfillment. It makes an interesting kind of sense. And Elephant’s point in showing me all of this is really to help me see how constructed time can be, so that as I really begin working with the silver web, I recognize where my desires could interfere with my workings in it. It’s definitely useful for me to consider all of this and I know my understanding of time is changing as a result.

So today Elephant made that abundantly clear to me. Every time my mind wandered, Elephant would call me out on it, and each time it happened, it forced me to realize just how much I have a tendency to let myself escape from the present into some past or future imagining, instead of sitting with the present moment and letting myself exist in that moment.

I like my imagination, but I also recognize a real need to stop imagining so much, to be able to sit in the present and recognize the opportunities around me in the moment. I’m glad Elephant is calling me on this, even as I’ll admit, I’m frustrated that it happens so much. Then again, would I even be doing what I’m doing, if I didn’t recognize some need to change?

Tonight, at the experimenter group, we did a working with time utilizing my recent work with elephant. First we did the exercise from The Possible Human, where you become different units of time, to set the proper frame of mind. Then, I passed around the painting and my statue of Elephant that I use to commune with him, asking each person to look at the painting, to imprint the symbol in their mind, and touch the statue to feel the essence of elephant guide them on a journey in time. I went on my own meditation as well.

On my journey, I was reminded by Elephant that I still focused too much on the future and past. I was too caught up in the what ifs. I’ll admit, this is something I continue to struggle with. In some ways I live entirely too much in my head and in those what ifs, for escape, for fantasy, but also a vivid imagination. He said it blocked me from being as aware as I needed to be of the present and just living in the moment.

Still, I have to admit that what really hit me tonight were the words that M, one of the other participants shared about his own experience with Elephant. He said he was told, “Forget Time to find yourself.” And as much as I recognize that phrase was for M, I also felt it was for me. I’m caught in linear time, focused on the future, focused on the past, but not in the present. It’s in forgetting linear time, forgetting that tendency to focus on the extremes of time, and to be in the present, aware of the opportunity in the now that I could find myself. I feel as if I heard a key click in a door and since Elephant is the gatekeeper of time…

He used as an example a very specific desire I have that I’ve put a lot of energy into, but nonetheless have continued to focus on consciously, in terms of longing for the manifestation of that desire. Instead of forgetting about the desire consciously and focusing on other things, I’ve allowed it to become something of an obsession and consequently all the conscious thought I put toward it ends up actually pushing it further and further away from manifesting into reality. The reason is simple: I’m continually focusing on when it will occur and when I think of it occurring, I think of it happening in the future!

I never thought about desire in this way, but it makes a lot of sense. It’s similar to how sigils work. You create a sigil, you fire it, and you forget it. If you don’t forget it, then it becomes harder for it to manifest, because you’re not programming your subconscious to accept and allow that possibility to exist in your life.

Elephant advised focusing on the present, being more aware of the opportunities and situations happening around me, and letting the desire go from my conscious mind. This way I can actually allow it to manifest into reality, because I’m no longer putting effort into keeping it in the future. I actually see where I’m letting this happen in a couple of different situations in my life, beyond the one he specifically focused on…so it’s time to apply this new awareness to the situation.

And you know I do realize that in different forms, this concept is already present in occult theory, but I like how elephant presented it. It actually makes sense to me in a very grounded way that other variants haven’t really displayed.

When I was ready, I laid down and keeping a hand on the statue, allowed myself to travel to the silver web. Once there, Elephant started discussing memory, not so much as a stable picture of the past, but rather as an active re-imagining of it, as well as an influencer of the present, and a dream of the future. He then talked about how being aware of your present circumstances was very important to really working with time.

“You are too focused on the future…not just you, but so many others as well”

He showed me several incidents, including one from today where I’d gotten caught up in future imagining of wishful dreams, while ignoring information in the present that could’ve told me that such an imagining was just a diversion of energy and thought better put elsewhere. The information was there all along…I’d intuitively acknowledged it, but still ignored it with my conscious mind, until I couldn’t ignore it because information was presented that showed me that what I hoped for wasn’t going to happen.

“Pay more attention to the present moments and the information in them…that will show you what paths you can take, and there are always multiple paths.”

So then he also pointed out how elephants always have to be aware of a lot of information happening around them all the time. They can’t just blindly look ahead. They need to listen to the vibrations and communication from other elephants, but also the land, as well as pay attention to their memory of a place, so they can find their way. Elephant said that the silver web has it’s own vibrations and even as I can create my own paths, it’s a wise idea to pay attention those vibrations as I navigate through time’s possibilities.

“The more aware you are of the information available to you, the easier it is to pick out the possibilities that are most available to you, or find your way around obstacles that’d hold you back from a possibility you want to work with.”

So I’m coming away from all of this with a realization that yes, sometimes I do live too much in the future, and I want to focus more on what’s around me that I’m not noticing as much, and use that awareness to help me with my time work.

After I finished the work with elephant, I did a fan dance as a way to close the the sacred space and thank elephant. I have a fan, one of those ones you can hold open with one hand, that spreads out in a half circle, and I started dancing with it, using it to express my thanks. It was fun to close the ritual that way, and allow myself some artistic creativity with using the fan as a ritual tool. I plan on working with it more, in the future.

I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to use the voyager deck for divinatory work…just for the ceremonial/experimental magic I’ve been using the deck for the majority of the time.

After I constructed the circle and triangle, I pulled out the paintings for Elephant, Purson, Thiede, and the Spider Goddess, as well as the memory box I use to access the silver web of time. I then first approached Elephant and asked for entrance through the gates of time. He said yes, and told me to also make some more time for him, so we could explore some facets he could show me in regards to time. I took the key from him, and fit it into the loc of the memory box, and opened the box.

I called out to Purson to be guide through time, to Thiede to be my guide through space and they both came, my guardians on journeys into the silver web. Then I reached out to the spider goddess and she told me that tonight we’d work on utilizing the silver web to make a particular connection happen. She told me to think about what connection I might like to make, and then told me to shuffle the rest of the Voyager deck to pull out th cards that represented me and the connection I wanted to make. First I pulled out the seeker card, for myself (how appropriate), but I had to do a lot of thinking about what I wanted to connect. I decided, in the end, not to connect with a specific person or entity, but rather to connect with an archetypal awareness that I could present some information to about the connection I wanted to make. The Spider Goddess thought this was a good idea, and I proceeded to shuffle and pull a card that represented that awareness.

I then activated the magical circle for connecting with that awareness and putting my own card into the memory box and setting it on the altar, proceeded to explain at length what I was looking for. Then I and that awareness shuffled the cards from the elemental hexagon deck and from that we pulled out what I would consider to be a confirmation of those attributes, but also an imprint of them into the archetype, so it could seek out what I was looking for. After that the spider goddess suggested that she and I shuffle the cards a second time. So we did that, and the second spread revealed/set the path by which the possibility I was seeking would manifest.

The spider goddess also pointed to a specific book on my shelf Fusion of the Five Elements by Mantak Chia, and said I should start doing the exercise in that book for my morning daily ritual. The emptiness working has deconstructed all of my former energetic structures and the Fusion of the five elements is a practice that creates a spiritual embryo (among other things)…she seemed to feel it would be useful for me, so I’ll be starting that practice as of tomorrow. Then I closed it all down. Overall, an interesting working, with more to undoubtedly come.

I opened the memory box, which is my gateway to the silver web and put both my hands on its sides. And I traveled along the silver web until I came to the center, where the Spider Goddess of Time awaited me. She held up the book of her mysteries and said, “It’s good you have this back, now paint what I show you.”

I pulled out my paintbrush and waters color and painted a web of time. Just one colors, lots of silver-gray…I asked her…was this really it? And she told me that my perceptions of time were too limited by human made standards of time. That what I painted wasn’t even so much a symbol as a way of relating to time and space, a way of moving past the linear perceptions and measurements that mark time by human standards. She told me that this year would be a move away from the mystical path I’ve been on, back to more of a focus on magic, but also a focus on changing those limited perceptions on time…that all the material she’d put in my path the last couple of months was partial prep work for the workings ahead.

And with that, she stopped my hand, looked at my work and said, “Start with this and see what it teaches you.”

Then I closed the gate to the silver web of time and gave my thanks to Thiede, Purson, and Elephant…and to her, the spider goddess of time. And so that’s the beginning into the element of time.

Last night I did my first working, which was to Elephant as the gatekeeper of time. Elephant guards the gates of time, acting as a guardian for those who would work with time, but also as a guardian of time itself. I would consider him a tester of a person’s understanding of time. His lesson is to teach those who would work with time about the integral role of space in defining our understanding of time, specifically in terms of distance and how we use spatial measurements to process the motion of time.

I’ll be working with him for the rest of this week, as part of the prep work for switching over to Time in October. Below is the painting I created last night with his guidance. The background colors are purposely done somewhat faded, so that the symbol stands out further.