Update on Laban work
I’ve been doing the first set of dance stretches in the Laban book for a little while now and discovered in the process an awareness of my body and its muscles I previously lacked. It’s quite an intriguing feeling and it’s translated out into the dance floor in terms of some moves I’ve been doing that previously I wouldn’t have thought of.
I also have used it as part of my paratheatrical work and one of my next paratheatrical works is going to involve using excitatory work to get in touch with my body consciousness, per the suggestion of a reader of this blog. I find that Laban combines very nicely with paratheatrical work in terms of getting the body revved up, but this will a further experiment of actually using Laban to work with my body consciousness directly.
On a different note, I did take a different tact with the body work, in terms of inhibitory meditation and found that focusing just on one cell led to better results in terms of working with the consciousness of the cell and getting another possible direction I can take my time work as a result.
Topics: Body, Inner alchemy, Taylor Ellwood, identity, space/time magic | Comments
Why I choose to use my name publically
When I was eighteen, I was outed from the broom closet by the parents of a friend. I remember coming home and being told by my mom that I had a half hour to either burn my books or move out. I had no job, half a tank of gas, and was in high school, so I opted to burn the books, though I hid the ones I hadn’t read. I remember she even made me burn my books of magic comic series just because it had the word magic in it. I also remember feeling shame for my choice and a week later telling her that if she ever made me make that choice again I would disown her.
Half a year later, still eighteen, I remember getting a phone call from one of the parents of that friend. He threatened to kill me and sang hymns, telling me how I was damned to hell for my beliefs. I told him I had a crossbow bolt for him and called the police. He didn’t call after the police had called him, but those two experiences helped me realize something fundamental: Hiding my beliefs wasn’t the answer. By hiding my beliefs I encouraged the very ignorance those people displayed toward me. I determined that I would never hide my beliefs. I wrote my books using my name, regardless of what professional or personal consequences might occur, because I knew that it was more important to be transparent than to hide what I believe because of the ignorance and fear of others.
Fast forward to the present. I am kinky, poly, and an occultist. I’m also a self-employed business and social media consultant. If you google my name you’ll find a mixture of all of these realities in the search results. I was told recently by a business mentor that several people felt the dragon on my business site was occultish. I doubt they’d actually searched my name, but I recall telling her that if they were that freaked out by the logo then they’d be even more freaked out by my beliefs.
Ironically, perhaps, I’ve encountered people in the business world that have told me that they also practice magic…so perhaps my openness has encouraged them to be more open as well. What I do know is this: By choosing to be open about my beliefs I feel that I’m making a statement of integrity and hopefully educating the ignorant in the process that my beliefs do not destine for hell or make me an unsuitable person in any other way, shape, or form.
I will never hide my choices or who I am, to make it convenient for someone else. If you choose not to do business with me because of my spiritual and lifestyle choices, or choose to judge me because of your own inadequacies, it’s not my problem. I cannot and will not lessen myself for any person or business just to coddle their sense of reality. I’d rather people accepted me for who I am, and while in the course of my business day, I don’t blatantly advertise my lifestyle choices and beliefs, if the conversation comes up I don’t hide it either. Because when we choose to hide, that’s when we lose.
Topics: Culture, Magic, Taylor Ellwood, identity | Comments
A reflection on God of War
I’ve been playing God of War 1 and 2 in preparation for the release of God of War 3, out later this month. There are two elements of this game that always stand out to me. First, just how much the game draws from the cheesy 1970’s movies. Even the monsters look like claymation, which I personally think is cool. Having watched those movies when I grew up, I have a fine pop culture appreciation of what GOW is based off of.
But the other element that always stand out to me is what I consider to be the extremely accurate depiction of the capricious nature of the Greek gods. If you read the myths about the gods, they as often punish as they reward and even the gifts they give are ultimately double-edged. For me, a game such as GOW is an opportunity to retell and reconnect with such beings.
And that is really the power of contemporary technology. It provides us new ways to connect with old paradigms, and at the same time births something new, which comes to be as evocative as what had already been there. It’s not that GOW is a better version of the Greek myths (far from it) but rather a reinterpretation, with a new kind of interaction provided as well. And there can be something magic in that…all depends on the perspective you bring to it.
Body consciousness experiment
Today I decided to start working with the consciousness of my body and its perception of time. My first step was to do a meditation where I got in touch with the consciousness of my body as an overarching consciousness. In other words, instead of trying to connect with just a cell, I would try to connect with my entire body’s sense of consciousness. I think my approach to this was informed by being human, and the human tendency to think of consciousness as singular. I’m not sure how effective that was, in this particular case.
I did start out small, with one cell, and thought that I might connect with the entire consciousness by getting the cell to communicate to other cells a consistent message. This did seem to work to some degree, as I got to a point where I had a definite impression I was in touch with what I might consider to be a body consciousness that was comprised of multiple consciousnesses that were focused on communicating together to communicate with me, but it didn’t feel (for lack of better word) right. Nor was it really helpful for me, in terms of working with the sense of time. Instead what I did get was a communication of urgency, which pushed me out of trance and got me into the bathroom. I can’t say the body didn’t communicate, for it surely did, but I think I will take a different tack to this experiment next time. Still you can’t know what will work until you try and trying this approach did help some. I just don’t think it’s the right approach…
Topics: Body, Taylor Ellwood, identity, meditation, space/time magic | Comments
Review of The Hidden Brain
Review of The Hidden Brain by Shankar Vedantam
Proponents of mindfulness and conscious intent may be disappointed when they read this book and realize just how much our unconscious dictates and influences our decisions. The author isn’t afraid to tackle tough issues, such as how the hidden brain influences people’s thinking about racial and gender issues, as well as how the group mind can actually harm you as opposed to help you. I found this to be a fascinating read because the author presents some compelling evidence that supports his claim and shows just how much the unconscious effects everyday life and decisions. I recommend this book as a refreshing and eye-opening perspective on how we make decisions.
5 out of 5
Topics: Taylor Ellwood, book review, identity | Comments
Working with Purson part 2
This morning, after my regular meditations, I decided to do a working with Purson. In this working, we ended up discussing the limitations of the concept of time. Purson noted that time is ultimately a subjective experience, used as a way of indicating change.
But time does not age us, nor does it cause a building to go back to nature or cause the sun to rise and fall. We might attribute those events to time, because time is a comfortably abstract concept that can explain all of that. the reality is that nature is responsible for these kinds of changes. Just as water and air erode a rock over time, so to does a building gradually get changed by the caress of nature. The sun doesn’t even rise, so much as the Earth moves around it. And as for the human body, the biology of the body inevitably changes, so that eventually death occurs.
Yet so often is much if not all of this attributed to time, partially because we use time to measure the rate at which these changes occur, but partially because time has become a metaphor for change. Purson’s point, however, is that it’s important to recognize the limitations of that metaphor so that we can understand and work with the concept of time with more accuracy.
He suggested that I work with my body’s sense of time more closely, specifically working with it on the cellular level so that I could understand how time works on the biological level. So I have my next experiment set out for me…how gracious Purson is!
At the same time, We discussed how the biological markers of time are what allows a person to find variants of him/herself or if you will possibilities of him/herself…which makes sense. I did such work using the DNA as a way of finding possible versions of myself.
Purson also noted that the concept of time is really useful for working with possibilities, because it lends itself to helping a perceive those possibilities and bring them into reality.
Overall an interesting session. I have some directions to move in with my time work, some of which is a continuation of previous work, but from new angles.
Topics: Taylor Ellwood, entities, purson, space/time magic | Comments
Tattoos as magical oaths
I was looking at the green wolf paw tattoo that I got shortly after Lupa and I got married. We’re getting divorced now, but it never once occurred to me to get the tattoo removed. In fact, I intend to keep it, because it’s a very significant tattoo to me, as are all my other ones.
I consider my body to be the most powerful magical “tool” I have. It is a physical embodiment of my life, and a record of that living. When I get a tattoo on my body, I am placing a record of a significant even, entity, or person in my life, but also taking a magical oath in relationship to that event, entity, or person, as it pertains to my life.
My first tattoo is a red orange phoenix with my symbol on it. I got it to signify my choice to move from the East to the West, to signify a Rebirth in my life. It marks my choice to rebirth my life completely and its fair to say since moving to the West coast, I have rebirthed my life in ways I couldn’t even imagine.
My second Tattoo is the Green Wolf Paw, with an L in it. It represents Lupa. I got it because I wanted to mark in my skin the permanence of my relationship with Lupa. While we’re no longer romantic partners and will soon be divorced, Lupa is a significant person in my life. She will always be in my life, in some capacity just by the fact that we wrote a book together. I’m comfortable with that idea.
My third Tattoo is a Blue Dragon. The Blue Dragon represents PDX and Northern Oregon. It’s a magical oath that signifies the recognition that Portland and the surrounding area is my home and a place I intend to live for the rest of my life. While I have admittedly not visited many other countries, I have been all over the US and this is the one place that has always felt like home.
My fourth Tattoo is a pair of eyes and a phrase: From 0 to 1. It represents the year of emptiness work, my connection with my highest self and my vow to recognize and appreciate emptiness, instead of trying to fill it. From 0 to 1 also signifies the choice to manifest possibility into pro-activity, instead of reactivity.
All of these tattoos are powerful for me. They are something I can’t remove, because even if I did remove them, something would be left. They are a record of my life, but also oaths I’ve taken. I’ve only realized that recently in a fully conscious way, but this recognition speaks mindfully to me of the choices I’ve made in my life.
Topics: Magic, Taylor Ellwood, identity, tattoo | Comments
A meditation on love
This morning I decided to meditate on love, and more specifically on a realization I had of a pattern of getting involved with people I showed interest in over the last couple of years who, in one form or another, didn’t fully return the interest. This includes people I would actually have a romantic relationship with. This pattern is a variant of a pattern I used to have where I’d only get involved with people I knew would reject me.
I did a Taoist dissolving technique and used the breath to lead me to the place where I felt the physical blockage, around my heart. I sat with the blockage, letting the breath go in and out, and around the blockage, gradually loosening up the feeling of tension in my body. As the tension dissipated, I let the emotions “talk” to me, show me really what the issue is. In this case, I saw myself restraining myself to fit into what I thought other people wanted. I could see this belt across my body. It fit uncomfortable and it was being used to constrain and restrain me.
I decided to undo the belt. I pulled it out of it’s clasp, and slipped it off. Immediately my body seemed to relax. And I heard,” It’s more important to be you than to try and fit yourself to other people’s expectations. Aren’t you tired of trying to be something you aren’t?
Good advice. I am tired of holding myself back…not letting myself be the passionate, intense person I can be. I’ve tried to stuff myself into a box, with my relationships, instead of being true with myself and recognizing when a relationship isn’t a good fit for me. And in the process I’ve hurt myself and the person I was trying to be a fit for.
I took the belt off and realized that I’m ready to be done with relationships where I’m trying to fit into what that person wants. I’d rather be myself and be appreciated for that, without having to constrain myself. And sure I’m willing to collaborate with someone, to figure out how we can be positive influences in each other’s lives, but I don’t want to be afraid that I’m too much or too intense for someone.
I kept breathing in and out, and gradually came back to this moment, this space, yet different. I don’t feel so tense…so constrained.
Topics: Breathing practices, Inner alchemy, Taoism, Taylor Ellwood, identity, liminal space | Comments
Review of the Eight-Circuit Brain
Review of the Eight-Circuit Brain: Navigational Strategies for the Energetic Body by Antero Alli
With this book, the Eight-Circuit Model has turned into a practical system can be meaningfully applied to making changes in one’s life. The previous books on the subject, while providing a good diagnostic perspective, never really moved beyond that. Antero incorporates a lot of physical activities into the eight-circuit mode, which removes it from the purely abstract conceptual realm and creates a workable system that can be used for successful internal work and change. The author is clear and concise in his explanations and the exercises are easy to follow through on. I highly recommend this book to anyone.
5 out of 5
Topics: book review | Comments
Magical Experiments is now a website
As you may or may not know, My ex-wife Lupa and I have gotten a divorce. It’s a very amiable divorce, but we’ve agreed we’re better off as friends, as opposed to romantic partners. One of the results of this has been a mutual decision to remove me from her website the Greenwolf. As such, in my persona as an occult author, I’ve moved my online presence to This blog, which I’ve turned into a website!
I’ve created pages for each of my books, as well as the anthologies I’ve edited and you can order autographed copies of my books directly from me. I’ve also set up an e-newsletter list, where I’ll post special content as well as occasional contests. You can sign up for it, either by clicking the link in this post or clicking the link on the right side bar under subscribe to my e-newsletter.
I’ve also set up a twitter account called magicexperiment and I’ll be posting all my magical and spiritual content there from now on, while reserving my teriel account for my other business. Finally I’ve set up a Facebook fan page for my site, so please feel free to fan me.
In the near future, I’ll be starting to offer teleseminars of some of my talks, so be on the look out for those in the near future.
There’s been a lot of changes in my life recently, but I think they are all mostly positive. claiming this blog as a site is also part of my journey to claim my identity as myself.
Topics: Taylor Ellwood, publishing, writing | Comments
