Elemental Balancing Ritual Movement Month 22: Balancing Act

eros 7-24-14 The second day at Pathways, we took Bill Duvendack to lunch. Bill is a stand up guy, intelligent, and he shared some interesting insights on the international community. We also talked more about one of the books he's sending to Immanion, which I'm looking forward to editing myself. Afterwards I did some Tarot readings and then the manifesting wealth class, which was well received. We had a larger crowd that night then the previous one. Afterwards we went to dinner with River Higginbotham, who'd been kind enough to host us while in St. Louis. We had some good conversations around leadership and magic. He has some similar interests in space/time magic work, and also the Seth material.

On the 23rd, we arrived in Indianapolis. Actually we checked out the cahokia mounds. I'd never heard of them before. We walked among and wood henge. What I felt was a residual trace of the original people. After that we drove to Indianapolis and I arrived at Spiritual Gardens. At that shop there was one person there for the workshop and I put aside all expectations or anything else and gave a really good version of the Alchemy of Breath, which I'll use in the future. It also occurred to me that I should write a book on that topic specifically. I've written about breath work in Inner Alchemy, but this would be an expansion on what I wrote there. The person attending the class bouth three books and this is only significant for one reason, which I'll share shortly.

Kat and I took the bookstore owner and her son to dinner. It turns out that the patron of the owner and the store is Papa Legba, a loa of the crossroads. Kat and I do a lot of crossroads work, and I felt Legba's presence show up at dinner. The receipt for the meal, plus tip came out to the exact amount I was paid for the books, which I found interesting. The shop owner also told me that Legba likes people to be humble and I realized that the workshop at the bookstore and the dinner was part of encounter with Legba, a test of sorts. Kat and I ended up chatting for quite a while with the owner about the Indianapolis community and at some point Legba came through and the conversation shifted to changes in the owner's life. I feel we passed the test, but it made me appreciate how the movement we experience in life sometimes happens for very specific reasons that remind us of specific lesson we need to take into account. Certainly the entire experience here reminded me of the importance of being humble in the face of success, accepting it, but not letting it go to my head either.

7-26-14 I've been working with the Elohim, which are the angelic order for Netzach. They've shown up as multi-faceted beings with mirror like finishes that mediate specific forces and serve as middle men to connect those forces to people. They are also mirrors of the heart and soul of the person. Sometimes they've shown up with lots of eyes, offering a glimpse into something else.

I've also been at the 2nd international left hand path conference. There's been some good presentations on luciferianism, secret societies, magic etc. I've also been able to meet a couple of people I've long wanted to meet such as Laurelei Black and Michael Ford. I'm grateful for the opportunity to speak and be at this event, and to meet the various people here.

7-29-14 Home at last. The 2nd international left hand path conference was excellent, with lots of good presenters. The trip home was uneventful, but the time away made me realize how much I value my time at home, how much I value PDX. It's great to move and to see further movement resulting as a result, but it's also good to savor hat you have and appreciate the space you are in. I feel the transition to Stillness starting.

7-31-14 Today I was working with Netzach and specifically the Archangel for Netzach, who is known as Auriel or Hanael. A while back in an R.J. Stewart workshop, I had an encounter with a being named Hanael, so when I did my meditation today it was the same being and it was fascinating because in the workshop the focus wasn't on connecting with archangelic powers. According to Gray this archangel directs energy from the athletic to artistic fields...he focuses people into a specific direction. We discussed that quite a bit today, in relationship to some of the changes occurring in my life. It helps me understand some of those choices as well as the benefits. I'll be curious to see what further work with him will bring about.

8-4-2014 It's horrible to tell someone that s/he is a disappointment. I heard that phrase far too often in my childhood. It shut me down. It told me I wasn't good enough. To hear it uttered about someone else always triggers a reaction within me.

8-5-2014 I'm reading The Fruitful Darkness by Joan Halifax. It's an autobiography of sorts about her work with Buddhism and shamanic practices. She makes an interesting statement, where she says there can only be a harvest when a person yields. It makes me think about the movement work and my recognition that sometimes to move, you need to allow yourself to be moved. Today I felt moved to stop by and visit Kat during her break. I told her how much I love her, how much she has moved me, how much she has helped me connect with parts of myself I had frozen and locked away. I don't always find it easy to express such things, but I felt a need to tell her how much she means to me, how much she moves me. So I let myself by moved by how she moves me and spoke my feelings to her, told her how much she means to me and how much she has helped me grow as a person.

8-9-14 I've been feeling the transition to stillness even more lately. It's a subtle transition, but nonetheless I feel that movement is morphing into stillness in my deep work and I'm ready for it. At the same time I feel that Eros will continue to be part of this work, which makes sense as I continue to develop a relationship with him. I haven't written about him much because the relationship has always been subtle, yet nonetheless I have felt him at work in the various experiences I've had and am having.

I've also wrapped up my work with Netzach today. Hanael actually assigned an angel of the Elohim order to me to help me with some specific internal work I'm doing. That angel is holding up a mirror for me...that is its function and yet that function is helping me to see what I need to do to take the internal work deeper.

Something I've been thinking about is leadership and how a good leader recognizes that s/he has feet of clay, or in other words recognizes the flaws s/he has. I definitely have some flaws and have made some choices over the years that were harmful to myself and to other people in my life. I have and continue to work on those flaws with the recognition that this work is a continuous journey. I also know I haven't always been a good leader. I've made some questionable choices that I look back on now and regret making. However what I can do with those choices is learn from them and make sure that I make better choices in my life and work.

8-15-14 I've been working with Tiphareth. I connected with the Malakim, which are the angels of balance. They seemed more abstract than the previous angelic orders, and told me that they were because their focus was on balancing the other Sephiroth and making sure that the right energies balanced each other. Meditating on this helped me appreciate anew the balance between movement and stillness, but also balance in and of itself as a principle of the world. I think I will explore balance as an element after Stillness, if balance calls to me.

8-17-14 The last few days have been pretty tough. I had a situation occur where I was essentially told I wasn't trusted. I got the situation resolved, or at least as resolved as it can be, but to have someone you respect tell you that they don't trust you or that they trust you in theory, but not in practice really hurts. At the same time I suppose what it also indicates is what the real nature of the relationship is. It saddens me, because I realize that whatever the relationship is or may be, this situation has changed it on both ends.

8-20-14 My continued work with Tiphareth has been interesting because of how much more abstract its been and how quickly its gone through. It really is a Sephiroth of balance, with the focus really being on mediating and directing the various energies of the other Sephiroth. It has made me think, as I've worked with it, about how important balance really is and how even though I've integrated into elemental balancing ritual, I haven't really worked with Balance in and of itself.

I've also been feeling a bit depressed. Ironically I've been a bit more creative or maybe I've just focused on that creativity as a channel for what I'm feeling. Regardless it is good to get things done and I like that I've made some progress on a couple of projects that had been proceeding at a very slow speed of progress. I suppose what it really comes right down to is figuring out how to take anything and find a way to use it if you can, including depression.