A couple examples of Wealth Magic in my life

I ask each week for questions people have about magic. I received two questions this week, but they are both good ones. Here's the first one: Since you're working on a new book on the subject of Wealth Magic, do you have any examples of works of wealth magic you've done in the past that have returned positive results?

I'm going to share two examples, both of which will appear in the forthcoming book. The first example is a recent working I participated in. I was asked to create a sigil for a sigil game on a Facebook group. I actually created five sigils and linked them together. The people involved in the experiment agreed to charge and fire the sigils in their own unique way. I chose to let them do the charging, though I also saved the original sigils to do a firing of my own. The actual sigil game got extended an extra month which told me the sigils were already working, because one of my desires was for the game to be extended long enough to get enough people to charge it and fire the sigils.

The sigils were designed to provide benefits to the people charging and firing them, most notably in areas of their lives where they needed changes in identity or needed to do internal work. And for me the focus of the sigils was on bringing some wealth to my life in terms of income and in providing information that would suggest a way to help me grow my business more effectively than had occurred to date. There was also one other purpose, which I'm not going to reveal at this time, but I'll know in the near future if matters have turned in my favor and I'll share it then. I fired the sigils a couple weeks ago.

People who participated in the game reported working on aspects of their identity where they needed to work on them, and noted that they felt a push to change those aspects of themselves. On my end, several speaking gigs were lined up, which turned into some extra work, but also provided me the information I needed to tweak my business model. I have a much better idea of my target clientele as a result and I'm already starting to network at meetings which will connect me to those people.

The second example involves the creation of a series of drawings that have been used to evoke planetary energy into my life for the purposes of wealth. I worked with the planetary energies and received a personalized symbol for each planet. I then created drawings for each symbol and used the drawings to evoke the energy of the planets. I actually switch the drawings on different days, to create a specific current of planetary energy for a day or a period of time that influences the business activities I'm doing. I've noticed that the character of a given day and the interactions I have seem to be impacted by the switching of one planetary energy for another. It's an on-going experiment. Those are a couple examples, but there's more in the book and you can also find an example of two in Manifesting Prosperity.

The second question was: What are the practical differences between NLP, Scientology, and Magick?

I can't speak in regards to Scientology, having never read or gotten into that particular system ( and with no desire to either). As for practical differences between NLP and magic...What I understand of NLP indicates to me a system that is used to alter behavior in people, specifically to get other people to alter their behavior as a result of NLP techniques you use to induce specific changes. A lot of it is linguistic and body language based, with some psychology applied. Magic, while it can focus on behavioral change, also involves working with spirits and other forces to induce practical changes in a person and his/her environment. I see magic as an activity that is more focused on inducing changes with a person and a person's relationship to others and the world, as opposed to inducing behavioral changes as occurs with NLP.

Book Review: The Complete Book of Demonolatry by S. Connolly

In this book, the author presents the foundations of demonolatry and explains how the magical system/religion works as well as how to work with the demons. The book covers a variety of topics including holidays, funerals, weddings, and other rituals. I found this book useful as a reference guide, particularly if you want to work in the demonolatric tradition. Some lessons are also included which can be helpful for learning the practices involved. At the same time, this is a book, and while its useful as an introduction to demonolatry, practitioners who want to learn more about this tradition will need to find other demonolaters to work with. I do recommend reading this book. It will provide a firm foundation for learning about demonolatry.

Sex and Creativity

I've been meditating a lot the past week on sex and creativity and how both are outlets of a person's life energy, as well as being pathways for magical work. I've found that these two expressions go hand in hand. When they are balanced they feed and inspire each other, but if there is too much of one the other can be dissipated...and if there is not enough of one, then it becomes an overriding obsession. These two expressions of life aren't the only expressions, but I think of them as primal expressions for myself. I've used both sex and creativity to define my life at different times and I've found that I need both in order to truly be happy, but I also know that a lack in either one makes me miserable, and that too much usually leads to a burn out of some kind.

In meditating on these two expressions of my life, I've also looked at my history around them. I had several realizations. My period of a few years where I wasn't writing was also a period where I had very little in the way of sexual satisfaction. Once I started to have sex in my life again, I became creative again as well. Sex got the juices going, literally and figuratively. But the other realization was that my creativity suffered when I spread my self too thin.

You get interested in multiple people and when you do you spread your energies thinner and thinner, with less focus on the creativity. It's not an ideal situation if you are a writer or artist. You need to save some of that energy for the art and writing. Sex, and for that matter love, can take up a lot of energy if not properly managed and focused.

Being with Kat has been good for me because in the process of developing this relationship I've come to really understand how much I gave away of myself in the past, and how much I caused my own periods of non-creativity. There were other factors than just sex or love, but nonetheless I feel more creative because I'm not giving away too much of my energy to other pursuits. The time I do invest into a relationship is returned to me with much more focus on the creative work. I think this is why the writing has come back so much. I'm focusing one expression of my life and in turn another is also being focused. I'm focusing on one relationship in my life and in turn that relationship is helping me define my spirituality and creativity and become more productive. As such I moved away from Polyamory to a Monogamous relationship. I don't think polyamory is bad or wrong (It can and does work for some people)...I just realize it hasn't worked for me and that if anything it has enabled my various issues in ways that have been hurtful to myself and others.

I think a given person only has so much time, and what you do with that time and who you spend it with is important. How much of yourself can you give away and still have something left for what's important to you? As I get older I realize that I want to conserve my life energy and keep it focused on what I feel called to bring to the world. Sex is an inspiration for my creativity, a fuel that feeds my imagination, but I don't want exhaust it. Thus I'm finding the Taoist work very helpful as well for keeping that part of my life focused to generate creativity.

In other news, I was on the Green Egg Radio Show. You can listen to the interview here. I recommend fast forwarding past the first 5 or so minutes, because the hosts were reading an introduction of who I am during that time.

Why experimentation needs to be done carefully

Ivo Dominguez Jr recently posted an article on how approach experimentation. I found myself nodding in some agreement with his points, especially when says that the development of anything new should be extensively tested by yourself before sharing it with anyone else. I also disagreed with one point he made:

There is a lot of perfectly good material available that can simply be followed step-by-step and produce great results. We must not place novelty and innovation above what is known to be efficacious...New does not always mean better or for that matter safe or potent.

He's right there is a lot of magical work out there already established that works well. However even if it is efficacious we should never use that as an excuse not to experiment. If anything, we might ask: How could I take and personalize and improve on this technique? And it could be argued that doing so is just reinventing the wheel, but at least it is your wheel at the end of the day. With all that said, I think a magician needs a solid foundation before experimenting, which means making time to learn and practice what has been done until you understand how it works. After that, experiment with it, and start developing your own techniques.

Anything you experiment with should be tested extensively by yourself. Work with it, tinker with it, and really get to know the process you are developing. Once you've spent enough time doing it, then see if others are willing to try out the technique/ Get their input and share you experiences as well. Ivo says the same thing in his article and its sound advice. You can't effectively ask people to experiment with your technique until you know that technique and can share your experiences...at the same time, I wouldn't share the experiences until after the people try working with the technique. Let them have their experiences without having your subjective report in front of them. The reason is simple. If they know what you experienced, it may influence how they experience the technique. The point is to allow them to have their own experience and then share yours. The sharing allows you to verify your technique with their experiences and your own.

I do believe experimentation should be done carefully in the way you'd learn a technique you read in a book. You read about a technique and you carefully practice each step of the technique, with an eye toward understanding how it is affecting you. For example, when I learn a new meditation technique, I'll read about the technique. Then I'll do one step and once I feel I understand it, I'll do another step, etc. The same applies to experimentation. You put together a process and then you work with each step carefully, making sure you understand the process and testing it to make sure it works. Once you've tested it enough you share it with others and see if the results are consistent. If they are you have a new technique that works, but don't sit on your laurels...see if you can improve it.

The continued segregation of the occult from the pagan community

Over on the Wild Hunt, Jason wrote a post recently about the fact that the book industry Study Group has recently moved some of the books that are considered Paganism/Wicca from the Occult/New Age section over to the Religion section. He sees this as a good thing, and I would agree, if it wasn't for the following:

Throughout those years I remember often voicing a common complaint: “Why are books about Pagan religions shelved next to crystal healing and channeled hidden masters instead of in the religion section where they belong.” I felt, as many others did, that it created a two-tiered hierarchy: “real” religions like Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, and those religions relegated to what was once known as the “occult” section.

I'd ask why is there an assumption that crystal healing and channeling hidden masters couldn't be consider a form of religion in its own right, or at the least part of the religious practices? Or perhaps also why the occult is so stigmatized and seen as a bad thing that hurts paganism, especially given many of the religious and spiritual practices are occult oriented? Isn't the occult a real "religion"?

Now I'll admit that I don't consider what I practice to really be a religion, but at the same time I wouldn't mind seeing occult books given a bit more respect in general...and my concern is that while books that are considered overtly Pagan or Wicca will now be labeled as a religion, other books will continue to be relegated to a label that is less than flattering, and will also provide further fuel for what I think of as the segregation of magic from Paganism. It seems to me that occult/magic practices are considered the bastard child of Paganism, something to be dusted under the rug because it hurts the image of Paganism as more of a mainstream religion. Yet I'd argue that those very practices define the spiritual work and that the various books on Paganism and Wicca that reference magic and the occult shouldn't suddenly be removed from a section, unless you are going to remove all the books found in that section, or at least categorize them more effectively.

My question is: Why is there such an emphasis on removing the occult from Paganism? I think its because Paganism is making some strides and getting some good recognition and the last thing the people, working on making Paganism more mainstream and acceptable, want is  to be associated with magic and the occult. But when we remove magic from the picture we are removing something essential and while Paganism may look more acceptable, denying its roots, and looking down on certain practices just creates a rift that does more to hurt the community than actually help it. We shouldn't strive so hard for acceptance if we aren't willing to ask that everything we do be accepted, as opposed to only the parts that are considered "safe"

What's in a name?

 

I have a confession to make. I have never given myself a magical name. My magical name is my actual name and I think that name is magical enough that I don't need to come up with something else. Recently I came across an article where the author mentions that he'd never realized that shifting from a magical name to your mundane name could be a form of grounding that separates your magical persona from your regular persona. He cited an article by Frater Barrabbas that discusses this aspect further and I found the argument intriguing.

Frater Barrabbas's argument is that if a magician uses his/her mundane name as his/her craft name, s/he runs the risk of believing his/her own pr and can become deluded about his/her magical achievements and also the reality of his/her situation. The adoption of a magical name and motto allows the magician to create a persona for his/her magical self. This in turns allows the magician to turn off that persona as needed and keep him/her grounded in reality. I see his point and I agree with it to a degree, especially because he cites how actors and other famous people also experience this kind of delusion, as I've noted in Pop Culture Magick, and as can be seen in any number of bizarre behaviors famous people end up doing. The amount of energy and attention thrown their way affects who they are and causes them to buy into the image as reality, instead of remembering that they are mortal. Sadly unless you are a triumphant roman general, you probably won't have someone whispering in your ear that you are mortal.

At the same time I have always considered magical names to be a conceit of sorts, a way for someone to give themselves a self important title. And because of that and also because I believe that the only way people in general will become more accepting of magic, Paganism, and alternative beliefs in general, I've chosen to use my own name as my magical name. Anyone who does a Google search on my name discovers that I'm an occultist, which has lead to some interesting discussions, but also provided me a sense of freedom because I am choosing not to hide what I believe or practice. That's my choice and yet it also serves to keep me humble.

If you read this journal you'll inevitably come across entries where I detail some of my personal struggles, failures, or magical workings that just didn't work out the way I hoped. Nor do I consider myself to be famous. I'm at most kinda famous, on the fringe of the occult community. And on a mundane level, I've gone through a divorce and made my share of mistakes with finances, work, life, and love. I can be petty, vengeful, and quick to anger, and my people skills could use work. On the other hand I can also be compassionate, caring, and generous. I've made an ass of myself on multiple occasions and I've lost friends, made enemies, and had other mundane issues come up. In short I am a fallible person and I don't buy into any pr about me because I know at the end of the day that any enlightenment I've experienced has been worked for...hard. And on the rare occasion I meet someone who acts impressed by who I am (it doesn't happen often, though I'll admit social media has been a nice shot to my self-esteem as a writer) what I try to do, more than anything, is get them to meet the real me. Not the author, not the magician, but Taylor Ellwood the person. Because Taylor Ellwood the person is a lot less likely to let them down, and because when they get to know me as a person they realize that while I'm a pretty interesting person, I am just another person at the end of the day.

I keep my name because it reminds me to be humble. The assumption of a magical name doesn't ground me...it just creates another level of occult BS that I dislike with an intense passion. Now to be clear I do respect why Frater Barrabbas has chosen to take on a magical name. I respect it because I think that is the intention behind taking on such a name. I just don't know that many people hold to that same standard. He does, and I can safely say that because I know him and we've had a few conversations both with his persona on, and off. If you want to take on a magical name, then do it, but do it for the right reasons.

The truth is that we all take a risk of believing our own pr. Occultists can be pretty arrogant and I've definitely been arrogant at times. I've just learned that being arrogant doesn't really help. It just makes you into an asshole that everyone else dislikes and avoids. Lucky for me I've moved out of that stage of life and actually have people who want to hang with Taylor Ellwood the person. I'll never be the most popular guy, but that's ok too. I am an acquired taste and I know it and I'm satisfied with being that way. So whatever way you choose to keep yourself humble...remember you are but mortal...

Elemental Balancing Ritual Movement Month 3

12-24-12 Having been on the nutrisystem diet for a few days now, I'm noticing a difference in my energy and awareness of my body. I don't feel as compact. I feel a bit lighter and leaner. At the same time, this diet has given me a chance to meditate on my approach to eating food. I've come to two realizations about the origins of how I've handled food in the past.

The first realization goes back to a memory I had when I was 11 or 12. My step-mother had changed her behavior toward me, and was much more cold and distant then she'd been before due to circumstances I won't go into here, beyond saying that on some level she was taking out her anger toward someone else on me. In any case, we had this dinner of fried chicken and I ate a bunch of chicken, more than I really should of, and she commented on how I was a good eater. Since such compliments were much rarer, I think it had an impact on me and that I wanted to be a good eater because then it meant I was accepted.

The second realization goes back to my college days. I moved into an apartment when I was 20, and suddenly I faced a reality I'd never faced, which is that I had bills to pay, including groceries and that I also had room mates who wouldn't be shy about eating my food even though they weren't supposed to. For about a year or two I was only eating one to two meals a day and I was hungry a lot. I remember that when I got into the Masters program at clarion and lived in the dorms there that I became a bit of a glutton for the cafeteria food. Knowing I didn't have to go hungry made an impact on me. I eventually became more sensible with how much I ate and I exercised regularly, but I always maintained a hearty appetite. So now I feel the occasional pang of hunger and instead of indulging in food, I'm really sitting with it and meditating on what it brings up for me, with the realization as well that I am a fortunate person in that I have ready access to food, where many people in the world do not.

12-27-12 In thinking further about my relationship to food, I realize I have been an over eater or glutton. I eat after I'm full to the point where I feel bloated and weighed down by the food I've eaten. We went off diet for xmas dinner and I over ate. I didn't like how it felt and when I'm on the diet I feel less weighed and not bloated. So it makes me realize that one of my challenges is working on portions.  I need to avoid over eating...I need to know when my body is satisfied. On the plus side, I've lost 7 pounds and I'm noticing a distinct different in how I fit my clothes and how I feel, I like this feeling and I want to keep it.

12-31-12 As I've continued exercising, I've been thinking about movement and the body and more importantly I've focused on just being with the movement, whether its the movement I feel when I exercise or the movement I feel as I walk. In a way the burn of the exercise helps me be more aware of my movement. I can't take it for granted as I might if I wasn't exercising. But it also makes me think about movement in general and how there really is no such thing as seamless movement. There is always a bit of resistance or friction...we might not feel it, but its there, and being aware of it when we don't feel is important because then it can be accounted for.

1-1-13 One of the issues that came up a few days ago was a realization of how embedded my habit of beating myself up is. It came up because of something Kat mentioned and when I apologized for it, for the umpteenth time, she asked me to stop and then she brought up how much I did that. What she said really struck me in a vulnerable place. I felt myself start to shut down because I felt like she'd come across this wound within me that I couldn't faced, and yet I clearly needed to face it. This behavior has been present in all of my relationships and I know right where to trace it. But facing it was painful because it was facing all the feelings that accompanied the self beat up...the resentment, fear and anger I've felt toward others, and the humiliation I've felt as I've tried to somehow make the person I'd offended feel like she (this has never happened with men) had her say and could hopefully let it go instead of continuing to hold it over my head as a way to continue punishing me. Kat told me that she didn't want to punish me or see me punishing myself...that she hadn't realized how deep the behavior went, and that she'd help me work on it, help me stay on top of it. Hearing that made me feel hopeful, because facing this deep wound in myself was not easy, and yet realizing it consciously has made me want to change it for my own health and the health of my relationship.

1-4-13 One of the books I'm reading is on somaesthetics. Basically its a book about the experience of the body and how to appreciate the body for what it is. I find his analysis of Western culture and its approach to the body to be fascinating, in large part I think it's true.. Western culture treats the body as a tool or as something sinful. How much that has weighed people down and held them back. Certainly my own experiences point to some of the issues that come up. While I am mostly comfortable with my body, there have been moments when I've found myself facing some cultural meme about it.

1-12-13 When I've gone off diet on occasion, I've been proud of myself each time because I've only eaten until I don't feel hungry. I haven't tried to eat until I feel "full" or bloated as I think of that feeling now. Exercise is going well also. I'm not getting as sore as I did and I'm noticing more strength and grace in my everyday movement. It's made me appreciate the element of movement even further in terms of how essential it is to our lives, but also what it can tell us about our sense of health.

I wrote earlier today: "Movement is an intrinsic force of identity, the relationship piece of identity, and the establishment of context in time and space." And I think that is really the case with movement. Movement and identity go hand in hand in terms of not just physical movement but also metaphysical movement. When a person does magic what they are really doing is moving their identity and its contextual relationship to space and time into a new direction. When we acknowledge this it opens us up to awareness about movement as it applies not only to our own movements, but also the movements of others and how all of it fits together.

1-18-13 As I've gotten more into exercising I've been pushing myself harder, putting more energy into it. Undoubtedly I'm able to do this because of how my body is getting stronger, but it's more than just physical changes to the movement. It's also an attitude change. It's an awareness of how I feel about the exercising and about the desires I have around transforming my relationship with my body. I like how my body feels and I like the feeling of soreness after I've exercised that's a reminder of my body and the changes I am experiencing with it.

In another direction with moving, I've really been opening up more to Kat. There's this part of me that has tended to protect itself by not opening up, and the reason it provides is: I don't want you to use what I say against me." No big surprise there as I've found that in the past a lot of what I said or did was held against me and used as leverage of one kind or another. So when I am promised that what I say won't be used against me, that instead the person will hold space and yes may have a reaction, but afterwards will truly lay it to rest...that's what I need...and she has offered it and followed through on it. I'll admit to being surprised at the depth of fear I felt around this issue, but it makes sense given what's happened. I learned very young to keep things to myself and to be provide a filtered amount of information because of how that information would be used. So it's a relief to let the filters go and just speak...

It is also fascinating how you can re-direct movement in a room with the right energy. This evening I was at an event where a person was asking for donations. I was the only person she didn't ask, and I put out an energy of move along, which worked rather well to insure that I wasn't asked. The right emotional energetic message can create interesting movement patterns. I've used that technique since I was in high school and yet I think I've only fully begun to appreciate it tonight.

1-22-13 If you consider that movement applies to more than just the physical ability to move...that it applies to the movement of money, the movement of a career, the movement of your life, then its also worth considering what you are having trouble moving in your life, and how that lack of movement is affecting your overall sense of well-being. I am mindful of this in my own life as I consider both present and past circumstances where I have felt unable to move or only able to move at a crawl. Movement isn't necessarily an indicator of success, but it is an indicator of what feels like its working as opposed to what feels blocked. However the key to handling an area of your life where movement is slow, is to find a way to keep moving and keep yourself open to possibilities of greater movement. I'll admit I feel frustrated with a couple areas of my life and the lack of movement in them, but I know I need to keep moving and keep open to the possibilities as well as solutions to the actual blockage. Eventually a solution will be found.

Exercise as a meditative and magical state of being

In the last month I've taken up Tae Bo as a cardio exercise. It's been a wonderful way to get my body into shape while losing weight, but it's also been useful as a way of exploring exercise to achieve a meditative state. While I am able to still my min through breathing techniques, I've also found that exercising really forces you to focus your mind, and in the process blocks out the chatter of the monkey mind.

I do some pushups and stomach crunches before doing my morning meditation and I reserve my evening for the Tai Bo exercise. It's a great way to ground myself at the end of the day and it becomes a meditation where I focus solely on my body and the movements. However this stillness of mind is also useful for magical purposes.

For the last couple of exercise sessions I have charged and fired sigils. I have visualized the sigils while exercising and used the movement to charge them. Every exercise movement becomes fuel for the sigil, and when I am finished with the exercise, I launch the sigil. It's not all that different from playing a video game and using it to launch a sigil.

Another way I've been using exercise for magic has actually been for the sculpting of my body. I was inspired to do this through the work that Zac Walters did with exercise magic. He talks about his work in the Magic on the Edge Anthology. I haven't applied his exact methodology to my own exercise work, but what I have done is visualized how I want my body to change as I exercise. When I am exercising I do this visualization where I sculpt my body, particularly the areas I want to change such as my belly and my face. I've noticed that the way my body appears is conforming more and more to the visualized body I have in place in my mind when I exercise.

Finally I've used the exercise to also get in touch with the consciousness of my body and work with it to enhance the metabolism and speed up the purging of toxins and bad fat from my body. I've noticed that I'm continuing to lose weight at a decent recent, in part thanks to the diet I am on and the exercise, but also because I am using the exercise to communicate with my body and help it purge the toxins. The result has been a sense of greater health and energy than I've had in a long while, as well as a closer connection to my body. There are probably other ways that exercise can be applied to magic, but these the ways I am currently using it for myself.

Answers to Questions 1-17-13

This week I only got a couple questions, but they were interesting ones. One question that was asked was if you try to sublimate negative possibilities via lucid dreams, you also risk losing positive situations attached to the negative possibility. Is there a way to keep the positive possibility while getting rid of the negative situation? I'll admit that I don't use lucid dreaming for this kind of work, but I do have a process I use where I create a field of probabilities, with one in particular representing the possibility I want to manifest into my life. Instead of choosing to experience the negative possibilities, I remove them from the field of probability by turning them into potential energy that feeds into the one possibility I want to manifest. That possibility contains what I want to manifest, which can include all those good situations. I figure I'm not missing anything if I'm creating the reality I want to live in as opposed to avoiding realities I don't want to live in.

The next question: What are your thoughts on materializing aura into tangible forms (also known as flaring energy constructs)?

I'd call this a glamour, because that's what I think when I've done energy manipulation along those lines. I'd never heard of the term flaring before the question was asked, but it essentially involves causing a visible materialization of subtle energy. Whenever I do a professional speaking engagement, I manipulate my aura to actually light up and also to draw people toward me, what I call a glamour. So I think it is possible. I think it has limited uses, and I'll admit I mainly use it for the public speaking because it works great to help create an environment where people are engaged in the talk. I've never really seen the point of doing anything else with it, because there's not much else you can do with it.

The Final Question: I'd be interested in hearing of your experiences (if any) with the aggressive sceptic types. Any bullying/ridicule?

I've actually had this experience with people in the Occult and Pagan community, as well as the occasional skeptic. In regards to the experiences in the Occult and Pagan communities, its mainly been around my choice to integrate pop culture into magic. Thankfully it's slackened off for the most part and nowadays people seem more interested in the topic and applying it to their spiritual work. How I dealt them was to write a couple books on the topic and keep doing my own thing.

And once in a while I've gotten a visit from an aggressive skeptic. Earlier this summer I had such a person making a pest of himself. He wanted me to prove that magic (the sword and sorcery kind of magic) existed. Sad to say I let him down because I don't believe in the sword and sorcery kind of magic myself (but if I could throw a fireball, you better believe I would). With those types you're dealing with people who have a preconceived idea of how they think magic should work. They've bought into the Hollywood version of magic and they desperately want it to be real because they feel powerless. They take that feeling of powerlessness out on people by becoming cyber bullies. In that case I simply addressed the question after ignoring him wasn't working and off he went. It probably also helped that I banned him and found ways to cut down on his ability to contact me. I didn't want to waste anymore time or energy on the person than I had to.

In my experience you can't put too much energy toward the skeptics. They want proof, but they aren't willing to do the work themselves to discover that proof. You're better off ignoring them or letting them see the hard truth...that the magic they want doesn't exist. Real magic isn't parlor tricks, after all.

Do you have a question you want to ask?

Feng Shui and Movement

At the last magical experiments potluck, one of my friends presented on Feng Shui. She'd just gotten her certification in Feng Shui and she shared what she learned with us. I found it fascinating and I'm going to pick up some books and possibly even take a course or two as I think it could be applicable to my spiritual work, especially with movement. I've always noticed that when I clean my home or we move furniture around that the energy also gets moved. The personality of the home changes, and even the way the energy moves through the house also changes. In fact, one of the suggestions my friend made was that I should change the position of my desk in my office. Originally it was set up so that my desk was facing the window and my back was turned to the door. According to Feng Shui this actually hurts the flow of energy toward your business because you are essentially indicating that you don't want more business. It makes sense in a way and I figured it didn't hurt to move the desk. So I moved it so that now it faces my closet, while still giving me a view of the window and the door. I don't yet how it'll affect my business, but I have noticed a change in the energy of the room and I actually like the current set up better.

When I look at movement as an elemental force one of the things I consider is how I move through an environment. Movement is as much about what you can't move through or around as it is about the actual movement that occurs. I've changed my desk so I sit differently, have a different view and there's a bit more space in the room. I swivel my chair around to reach for things on a shelf and everything is in easier reach than it was previously. If nothing else has changed, how I relate to the room and the various tasks I do in the room has changed. While there's nothing overtly magical about that, it is fascinating because it makes me think about how set up and design influence movement, both the physical and spiritual movement that a person does in a given space.

If you've read Magical Identity, you know that a lot of my interest in magic has shifted toward exploring magic as an ontological activity. My interest in movement is part of the next step of that exploration as I see it as an essential part of an ontology of magic.

Why I think of myself as spiritual

I couldn't resist including the above picture for this post, just because it is a good question and I see this meme done a lot. It's a good example of pop culture magic actually, but that's a different topic altogether. To answer his question however, I'd say I'm not cherry picking the parts of religion I like, but rather creating my own spiritual identity and practice which doesn't necessarily involve a conventional approach, which is what I think of when I think about religion. The actual impetus for this post came from this post on the Wild Hunt Blog where Jason Pitzl-Waters discusses how he thinks that "more and more people are finding Paganism not as discrete religions, but as a part of an open-sourced kit to build an individualized belief system or practice." On the other hand, Star Foster explains why she's dropped the label Pagan, and I see her reason for dropping the label as being similar to what Jason writes about in his blog. This response from Jason Mankey argues that as long as gods are in the occasion you can't run from the label Pagan. I don't agree with his take on that as I'll explain further below.

I think of myself as a spiritual, but not religious person. I also think of myself as a magician as opposed to a Pagan. I also recognize that in one sense the word pagan is a meta term that is applied to a variety of people who have similar interests, which can include polytheism, Heathenism, Occultism, as well as Paganism. However, much like Star I don't necessarily feel that the label Pagan applies to what I do. And yes I work with more than one deity, but even that as a criteria for being a pagan is suspect. And I don't feel that the practice of magic makes a person automatically a pagan either, especially given that many Pagans have argued that magic isn't an essential part of pagan beliefs. To my mind when that distinction was made, that told me I wasn't a pagan, because to me magic isn't optional and never will be.

If, according to Jason Pitzl-Waters, Paganism is an open source kit to develop personalized belief systems and practices I do wonder why certain segments of Paganism seem to be so intolerant toward the development of such systems and practices. And I have witnessed that intolerance first hand, having been told that what I'm doing is fluffy and not really paganism (which suits me fine). I get why Jason wants to fold all that under the umbrella of Pagan, but I suspect many Pagans would disagree with his assessment and would argue that there is a distinct difference between what is a Pagan belief system and what is an individualized system of spiritual practice and belief.

And aside from that point, there are spiritual paths that might be identified as Pagan, except for the fact that the people who practice those spiritual practices don't think of themselves as Pagans. Heathenism comes to mind, for example. Heathens, as I understand it, don't typically identify themselves as Pagans and don't want to be identified as Pagans. They do worship and work with deities, but that doesn't make them Pagan. I'd argue that what makes anyone Pagan or not is the person's choice to identify as such. If I choose to call myself pagan, then I might be considered pagan, especially if I practice a religious path that is considered Pagan.

I'd argue that Paganism is more of a religious movement than a spiritual movement. There are many Pagan religions, but I don't think that because someone is spiritual it automatically makes them pagan. Certainly the quote from Pink that Jason cites doesn't support that she views herself as Pagan, so much as she found Paganism to be a source of inspiration for her own spiritual work.

As I mentioned above the word pagan is a meta label. It's applied to anyone who practices non-monotheistic religious practices and spirituality as a way of describing those practices. And in that sense, I do embrace the word pagan, because it is a meta label that encompasses what I practice. But as a label of religious practices, I don't see myself as a Pagan. And many other people don't as well. The meta label is convenient, but also creates an illusion about Paganism that isn't accurate in the way that some people might like it to be. Just because my spirituality happens to include practices that could be perceived as Pagan doesn't necessarily mean the label fits. What determines if the label fits is the person's choice to identify as such.

At this point a person might say, "Fine and well Taylor, but then why do people like you use the word Pagan at all?" And the answer is that Pagan, as a meta-label, has become so embedded in our culture and in how many people describe their spiritual practices that choosing to come up with something else is not easy. And lets be honest here...while the word Pagan has stigma attached to it, the word occult or magic has a lot more stigma attached to it. And speaking as a writer, when I write books I am writing for an audience that includes people who identify their spiritual working and practice as Paganism. They aren't my sole audience, but they are a significant audience and what I'm writing about can be applied to their spiritual practices, if they choose to do so. There's also something to be said for encountering people that you can share a spiritual practice with. Where do you find those people? How do you determine if those people possibly share similar values or beliefs? The meta label of Pagan is how people answer those questions.  That's why I use the word Pagan. I don't perceive my spiritual practice as being that of a Pagan, but I do recognize that elements of it can be attributed to Paganism, and that I can find kindred spirits using that same meta label because it fits, however loosely, to what they practice.

On a Different Note...

I thought I'd share a link to Justin Moore's blog. He's doing some interesting work with the elemental balancing ritual. What I like the best about it is that he's making it his own.

Book Review: Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson

This book is an intriguing read that explores the physiology behind sex and orgasms, and makes the argument for having sex without orgasm as a way of creating stability in a relationship. The author does a good job of exploring the physiology and cites some interesting research to show how orgasm impacts the behavior of people. She also does a good job of introducing Karezza as an alternate sex technique that people can use to avoid having orgasm. Perhaps what I liked best about this book is the exploration of bonding behaviors and how those bonding behaviors can be used to create stronger relationships. The suggestions she makes demonstrates that bonding behavior can offset dysfunctional behavior and actually help people communicate better.

However, there's also some flaws in this book. Some of the anecdotes that she uses are a bit extreme, and I question whether sex via orgasm was the sole problem. At times the author comes off as a closet homophobe and also views activities such as BDSM as being unnatural. And while the author does cite some interesting research about the effect of orgasms, she doesn't explore how bonding behaviors could impact the downside of orgasm, nor does she explore the cultural issues around bonding behavior, and why those cultural issues might contribute to some of the dysfunctions.

It's an intriguing book and it makes thought provoking arguments about the effect of orgasm on the physiology of the brain, but there's also a lot she doesn't explore, and without that exploration it makes it hard to determine just how accurate her information is.

Answers to Questions of the Week 1-10-13

Each week I ask people to share with me questions they have about magic. I then answer those questions in my blog. The first question that was asked was: Have you ever practice some Draconian magic? Can you recommend any book on the subject?

I asked for some clarification on this practice and the person mentioned that's she'd done Draconian magic through the Order of Apep. I'll admit I've never heard of that order. I would say the closest I've come to doing Draconian Magic involves a weekly offering I make to the spirit of the Dragon. Every few weeks I also do a full invocation of Dragon, which is part of the offering. I feel a close connect to draconic energy, perhaps due to the fact that I was born in the year of the Dragon according to Eastern Astrology. I can't recommend any books on the matter.

Are psychedelics a legitimate tool? was the second question. I'll point the person to my post from last week, which sums up my thoughts on psychodelics.

Are runes still good to use as sigils or for creating sigils or should I use a different alphabet character or self created sigil for use? was the next question.

You can use runes for sigils, though I think one disadvantage is that you are already dealing with cultural and spiritual meanings associated with the runes. However you could change how the runes appear or combine them and create a new symbol altogether. I sometimes takes letters from the English alphabet and connect them to each other and the resultant symbol works.

Do you think enochian magic is "real" or just someone else's godforms?

I think its real enough for the people who practice it. I've done a bit of research into it, but I see it as just another system of ceremonial magic, complete with a set of entities to interact with.

What do you think of psychology and, other mind sciences, being applied to magic?

I'm of a mixed mind about it. I think there is value to applying psychology to magic, as well as any other mind sciences, but I also think there's a tendency, thanks in large part to Crowley and chaos magic, to write off magic as just being a psychological phenomenon, or "All in your head" as some people like to put it. I've had too many experiences to write magic off as a purely psychological experience and I think that portraying magic as just a psychological phenomenon dilutes the value of a spiritual experience and closes the person's mind to other possibilities.

I do apply psychological concepts to magical work and I've found it useful to do so, but my application is less about trying to describe magic as it relates to psychology and more about integrating psychological techniques to make my magical work more effective.

Round 4 of the Process of Magic starts next week!

Round 4 of the Process of Magic Class starts on January 16th. The Process of Magic class is a correspondence course that has 24 lessons. It is a class that has something to offer for the experienced magician as well as the neophyte. You will learn how to examine your magical work through the lens of process, deconstruct magical workings, and develop your personalized definition and magical practice.

Here is a testimonial from one of the attendees of the course:

Taylor Ellwood’s approach to magic looks at your life, looks at what you want to change and then uses your magic to improve the situation. If it does not work, improve your magic! Magic is a creative process that ties intimately into our lives and changes not only an outward situation but the magician itself.

In the beginning you will take a look at that process, something I have never seen discussed before. After that Taylor Ellwood supplies a large tool box for magical work. It ranges from creative techniques like using cut-ups to the creation of magical entities tailor-made for the magician’s needs. There are a lot of potential magical helpers on your way, gods and demons alike, and you will learn how to establish a healthy relationship with such beings that is mutually benefiting to you and them.

In no time you are doing magic that improves your life instead of reading about magic or pondering about what magic could do for you if only you could find the time to actually start practicing it. I can recommend this course for everyone who would like to become the active shaper of his or her live again.

From Wolf Kaminski

If you would like to learn more about the class or take the class contact me.

Is magic inherently moral?

 

The other day I got into a conversation about magic and morality. I mentioned that one of the systems of magic I'd learned was chaos magic and the person mentioned that s/he had heard that chaos magic didn't have a system of morals attached to it, which is accurate, but as I pointed out to her, it's how a person chooses to use magic that matters. I don't think there's a given moral force that polices magic, nor do I think a person gets 3 times the outcome of what s/he chooses to do.

Magic isn't an inherently moral force. It is something that anyone can work with, and there are limitations to what a person can do with it, but those limitations have more to do with the laws of this universe than any moral polarity. Any such moral polarity is human made, derived more as a statement of the values of the person as well as his/her culture. Each person must decide what his/her own morals are, both in terms of magical work, and mundane actions.

When we ascribe morality to a system or practice, we need to do it carefully and question the underlying values. Even if it seems like a "good" morality, there is always human agency behind the assumption of that morality and its application to other people's actions. When we recognize this we can look carefully at whether or not we should take on the morals of a given spirituality and/or determine if we should apply our own instead.

Naturally there are consequences for what a person chooses to do. Each person has to decide if the consequences are worth the desired result, but just as importantly we need to decide if the moral codes we ascribe to are ones we really agree with or ones we hold to reflexively because others have told us to. The latter choice is a disservice to ourselves, and ironically an amoral choice, for we are ducking out of our responsibility to determine for ourselves what our morality really should be, as well as how it should inform our actions.

Questions of the Week Answers 1-2-12

Each week, on Facebook and Google plus I will ask people if they have questions and if they do I will post answers on my blog during the following week. I was asked two questions this week. The first one is: Are there any effects from yoga practice upon the magic development? I think with any form of physical exercise or activity there is the potential for it to apply to magical development. In the case of Yoga, it can certainly help you improve breathing, body posture, etc., as well as help you learn how to meditate using different poses. In fact, I'd say one of the chief benefits of Yoga is that it gets you out of your head and into experience of the moment. It can be hard to think of lots of other things, when you need to focus your attention on holding a pose. A deeper exploration of Yoga can also reveal spiritual benefits in terms of allowing you to access internal energy reserves as well as build up those energy reserves. I think the same applies for Eastern Martial arts, but also any form of exercise you do consistently. Exercising requires you to focus on your body, and it can consequently reveal internal reserves, as well as places of tension and stress.

The Second question was: What do you think on psychedelic drugs in use of magic? Do they help for growing up"?

I think of psychedelic drugs or entheogens as crutch, as opposed to being useful for magical or spiritual development. I think there are exceptions, so for example the use Ayahuasuca in South America for Shamanic rituals could be seen as a genuine practice that contributes to the development of a person's spiritual power, but in that case, that kind of spiritual work has been done for a long time under very specific conditions and with specific practices. From what I've observed in general about the use of entheogens, its an exception, rather than a rule that entheogens will help with the use of magic or growing up. In my opinion, its better to learn how to meditate and do all the other work without relying entheogens to get you there. If you are going to use entheogens, bear in mind that you aren't really in control of the experience, and that makes it harder to do magic.

Is Evocation disrespectful to spirits?

I'm reading The Complete Book of Demonolatry by S. Connolly. One of the points the author makes is that demonolatry finds the practice of evocation to be disrespectful to demons and as a result doesn't use it. Their perspective is that evocation involves summoning a demon against its will to perform a task, while threatening it with Angels and other sundry threats in order to induce it to do said task. And I agree that when evocation is done that particular way it is disrespectful. That particular approach to evocation can be found in a variety of grimoires that are based off hermetic Christian practices that ironically enough rarely involved doing the practice of magic, but loved to focus on the theory, as well as provide the occasional homage to the church to avoid being burned. Sadly that hasn't stopped people in more contemporary times from utilizing those practices.

I've never agreed with the class approach to evocation, and I also disagree with Joseph Lisiewski's assertion that if you don't do evocation the way it was classically done, its not effective. I think there is a respectful way to do evocation that doesn't force an entity to work for you, but instead involves working with the entity cooperatively. I've discussed such approaches in more depth in Multi-Media Magic, but it's worth conversing on it here as well.

When I do initial work with a given entity, I do an invocation to make contact and establish whether or not a working relationship can be developed. Once that initial contact is made I ask the entity's permission to evoke it. If it is open to being evoked it provides me a personalized sigil or symbol that I can use to evoke it. I usually integrate that sigil into a painting of my own design, which is used as an offering to the entity and a gateway to its home plane of existence. When the evocation is done, it is done by opening the gateway and allowing the entity through to do whatever it will end up doing. And even then I don't command it to do something. I make a deal, where I provide something in return for it doing something for me. There is an equivalent exchange, so to speak.

I have found this approach to be respectful, and from what I can tell the entities I evoke also find it respectful. I get where demonolaters are coming from and why they'd view the practice of evocation to be disrespectful, especially in regards to the classic approach to evocation, but I think an approach to evocation which is structured around creating a relationship of respect isn't disrespectful. The misuse of a technique shouldn't determine if the technique is in and of itself an inherently wrong technique and if a given technique is done in a way that a person considers wrong, there's always the option of changing the technique.That's my take on it, but others might disagree and that's fine. I do know that my evocations have always worked and I've yet to have an unhappy or angry entity as a result of doing said evocations.

Explore related entries in the Library

• Psychological Evocation
• Spirit Conjuring for Witches: Magical Evocation Simplified
• Evocation of Entities

Round 4 of the Process Magic Class starts the 16th of January

Round 4 of the Process of Magic class is starting on January 16th. Magic is a process. Regardless of what magical type of magical working you do, you are using a process to shape and define reality as well as yourself. In this 24 lesson class, we will explore what the process of magic is and how it applies to your magical work. The end result will be a dynamic reshaping of your magical practice into a personalized system that you will be able to use to consistently generate results for the betterment of your life.

The cost of this class is a one-time fee of $80. Below is an outline of the lessons that you'll get with this class:

Lesson 1: An overview of the process of magic

Lesson 2: You and Definitions of Magic

Lesson 3: Results, Change, and their respective roles in magic

Lesson 4: The anatomy of the process of magic

Lesson 5: Culture, Ethics and Ideology

Lesson 6: What isn't essential to the process of magic

Lesson 7: Connection and its role in the magical process

Lesson 8: Intention, Attention, and Magic

Lesson 9: Inhibitory Actions and Magic

Lesson 10: Excitatory Actions and Magic

Lesson 11: Internal Work

Lesson 12: Spiritual allies and the magical process

Lesson 13: Invocation 1

Lesson 14: Invocation 2

Lesson 15: Evocation 1

Lesson 16: Evocation 2

Lesson 17: Divination

Lesson 18: Enchantment

Lesson 19: Astral Projection

Lesson 20: Banishing

Lesson 21: Attunement with the land

Lesson 22: The Role of Limitation in the Process of Magic

Lesson 23: The role of Transformation in the Process of Magic

Lesson 24: The role of Mundane actions in the Process of Magic

If you would like to learn more about the class, or sign up for it contact me.

Cultivate Imagination and Wonder

One of the messages I consistently offer to other magicians and people in general is the importance of cultivating imagination and wonder as resources for living life and inspiring your spiritual practice and overall success in life. I can't emphasize enough the importance of these resources or why it can make such a difference in your life to cultivate them, but I think that whats make them so important is how they can enrich your life.

Your ability to wonder and imagine is a great gift that will take you on adventures if you are willing to let it inspire what you do. Simply allow yourself to be open and ask questions that seem silly or self-evident, but then explore those questions from a place of great curiosity. What don't you know as opposed to what do you know? Use what you don't know to inspire you to discover, leaving all assumptions aside...whatever you discover won't necessarily be true, but at least it'll be something you didn't know, prompting you on to discover angle upon angle upon angle...

A cultivated sense of wonder always inspires the person to discover more and question what s/he already seems to know. There is no satisfaction in what is known, but rather a recognition that there is more to discover and what is discovered is seen as a gift in itself, and an opportunity to continue learning. There is an insatiable voracity for learning that is found in wonder...and the imagination feeds that sense of wonder by allowing a person to access the possibilities of what might be.

Your imagination provides you access to possibilities. It shows you what might be and its only limitation is your belief or lack thereof in the possibilities presented to you. Imagination is wonderful because it also gives you a space to examine a given possibility from as many angles as you can think of. Your imagination is where the cooking starts and there's no limitation on how you can experiment with what's presented to you.

Cultivate your wonder and imagination by learning and applying what you learn to your life, while asking questions. Cultivate these resources by never being satisfied with the answers. Let these resources move you to discover, explore and experiment...they'll also show you how to turn your reality into something wonderful.

Answers to questions asked on 12-21-12

Every Friday on Facebook and Google Plus I'm asking people what they'd like me to post about. I was asked a few questions and I'm going answer them here. The first question that was asked was what the difference is between astral and mental projection and/or skrying.

I don't think there is a difference between astral and mental projection. In Multi-Media Magic I wrote about how there are a variety of different models of the astral planes and that what really stood out to me is that it seemed liked the astral planes were really composed of a person's imagination, as well as the merging of that imagination with the consciousnesses of other people. I still feel that's the case, so I don't think there's any difference. As far as skrying goes, I'd say it taps into the field of imagination as well.

The second question asked about what I know about shadow and mask workings. In terms of shadow work, my only focus on that has been to do work with the darker aspects of myself, which is sometimes called shadow work. There's always a darker side, and its worth exploring in depth via meditation and other magical work. I do find masks fascinating and part of my internal work has focused on utilizing masks as ways of exploring different aspects of myself or bringing out different types of energy through the mediums of the masks.

The final question was about limits vs unlimitedness in magic. I've posted about limitation in my blog a few times and I include links to some of the posts here as well as the overall search result on my website. I think you'll find a lot of my thoughts on this topic via these posts.

Limitless freedom

Liberation and Tradition

The Value of Limitation in Magic

Limitation and how to work around it

The Search Results for Limitation on my website

If people ask questions I will answer them on my blog and then post them to relevant social media sites. I appreciate the opportunity to answer questions.

Book Review: The Six Yogas of Naropa Edited and Translated by Glenn Mullin

If you want to learn more about Tibetan spirituality, you need to read this book. You'll also need to read it multiple times, as there will be information you'll get with each reading. This book is especially important if you are doing these spiritual practices as it will provide information that will help you refine those practices. I found the introduction helpful as well in terms of providing cultural context to how these practices are passed on. I do recommend multiple readings as some things may not click in place the first time, and I also recommend reading other books and doing the practices to get further insights into this work.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Movement Month 2

11-22-2012 I've made a lot of changes in my life in the last few years. One of those changes has been parenthood. Until a few years ago I was child free. Becoming a step parent has been a challenge at times. Learning how to be a parent has really involved learning how to relate to two people at their level of experience, while also learning the parenting experience itself. Most of the time I think I have a handle on it, but sometimes I don't think I get it at all. Learning to be a parent has been good for me in a variety of ways. It's allowed me to make peace with some of my childhood wounds, while learning a level of responsibility and awareness of others that I've admittedly not cultivated prior to becoming a step parent. But such movement requires work, time, experience, and patience.

I am still figuring out my approach to parenting, while also balancing it with my wife's approach, and with the awareness that I am a step parent and also a person who hasn't been in the lives of my kids for the entirety of their lives. I am very aware of the fact that I only have so much say as a step parent and that while I have something I can offer to the kids, they may not even be all that interested in what I have to offer. The main lesson is learning to be patient with them and myself, as well as working with Kat on parenting.

11-26-12 Movement happens in all directions, both spatially and temporally. We can move into the past even as we seemingly, steadily move into the future. I am reminded of this on occasions where a memory from the past flits up to my awareness calling for awareness of it and whatever lesson it has to offer. Living in the present, in the moment is also an act of movement that rarely occurs because it calls on a person to fully be in the moment.

11-27-12 I've been re-reading some books with Kat and I've noticed the words Being and Identity coming up a fair amount. Made me realize how the ontological concept of magic has been on my mind for a lot longer than I'd realized. The seed was planted over a decade ago and it's only come into fruition in the last few years, and is still evolving. That kind of movement is something you want to appreciate because of how it helps you recognize the important themes of your life.

12-01-12 When I think about the kinds of pop culture characters I am drawn to, the ones I like, its the characters who are amoral, who are broken in some way or form and yet have a found a way to succeed despite being broken. I like them because they are reflections of myself. I am broken in some ways. I don't know if I will ever not be broken in those ways and while I can work on the issues around the broken parts of myself and make some changes, there is also a recognition that some part of me will always be broken. And like those characters I've realized that following the rules doesn't always work, that sticking with the instructions on the recipe gets boring, and that success is often found by going your own way. Unlike those characters I've realized long ago that I don't want to perpetuate the cycle of dysfunction. Yes I am broken but that doesn't mean others need to go through it. When I apply movement as an element to this understanding it is with the recognition that I am moving from one cycle of life to another, to discontinue the cycle of dysfunction that has shaped my life.

12-11-12 Went in for a physical yesterday and found out today I might have diabetes. I might not, since I ate a granola bar for breakfast and it has a lot of refined sugar, but even if I don't, its a wake up call. I've more weight than I want to have and the walks and other exercise aren't doing enough. That and the diet needs to change. Movement brings change and awareness of your body. I feel that although I do exercise regularly, I can improve my relationship with my body and this situation makes me aware of that as well.

12-12-12 Movement is sometimes defined in context to what you are moving away from or towards. I thought about this today as I met with my business coach. One of the actions he has asked me to do involves doing more direct marketing, i.e. meeting with people one to one to talk with them about what I do and learn what they do so we can refer each other. I'll admit, it's a push out of my comfort zone, but I also realize I haven't leveraged my business relationships in the best possible way and it shows. I've found relating to people to be awkward and although I've gotten better at it, I know there's room for improvement. So this movement calls on me to move toward an action I need to do, while moving away from my reticence. I can handle that and I feel the last couple of days has in one way or another been inspired by my work with movement...if for no other reason than to remind me that I need to make some changes in my life, and what else is change, but movement of one kind or another?

12-13-12: I have pre-diabetes. Basically my blood sugar is too high, the sugar isn't getting processed the way it needs to. It's not diabetes and I have time to reverse it. Kat and I decided that we both need to lose some weight, so I've ordered some Tai Bo exercise videos, and we've also ordered nutrisystem meals, which will help us lose weight. We're going to make some changes in diet as well, cut out most of the starches. I can do this, and I know I will feel better. It's odd though because I weigh 255, but you wouldn't easily be able to tell it. Kat told me that the weight seems to mostly go to my belly, and even there not so much. I do think the daily push-ups and sit-ups have helped, as has the walking, but I need something more rigorous. My metabolism has obviously slowed.

Movement is manifesting in my life. The need to exercise and diet is just another manifestation and I'm glad its happening because I want to live a healthy life. Although I'll admit I feel a little dismayed about my health, I also feel hope, because I know I already have a plan of action and I'm moving on it. There's no point in dwelling on the negatives...better to focus on what you can do about it.

12-17-12 In one form or another I've undertaken movement in multiple areas of my life, urged on by a need to change and a realization that I've been in a rut in some ways. I've been calling people I'm connected with and setting up meetings to get to know them better. And yesterday I did a Tai Bo exercise for the first time in years. At one time I found the exercises easy to do, but yesterday it was hard work and I could feel the burn, a good sign and exhilarating because I really allowed myself to get into it. I'm being careful not to overdo it, but I like the idea of knowing that with steady and disciplined work my body will different and in better shape than it has in a while.

12-20-12 The last couple of days I've continued the Tai-bo exercises and in just a couple days it's already gotten easier, which is a bit of consolation really because it means the exercises I was doing before were helping to some degree. We've also gotten the nutri-system diet, which I'll be starting soon.

Today in the small business management course we focused on renewal for your business, but also for yourself and something that was said made a real impact on me. The what ifs keep you from being present with who and what you have and the experience you have in the present. I've been getting better about the what ifs and being more present, but I could feel this blockage around my shoulder and I started doing the Taoist Water Meditation breathing, allowing it go to work on the blockage as I continued to listen and take in everything. I felt the blockages come loose just a bit...There is work there I need to do, a holding patten I need to let go of, but I feel movement happening and a sense of the beginner's mind, not knowing because I recognize that I know equals I don't want to hear it.

12-21-12 We started nutri-system tonight. The food is different. there's a distinct, subtle taste, a kind of tang. I think it's the appetite suppressant, but it works. I ate a portion much smaller than I'd usually eat and I don't feel hungry. And what you use to supplement this diet makes it workable, but what I like most is that it will likely help me eat smaller portions once I'm off of it. I've always liked my food, but I know I can like it and still eat healthy.

12-22-12 Kat and I are reading Relaxing into Being by B. K. Frantzis. I've read the book a few times, but re-reading it is always helpful and its fair to say its one of the more significant works in my life. Re-reading it now has helped me re-examine my meditation practice and do it more mindfully. You can get to doing a technique so often that sometimes you don't stay present with it and I realized that had happened with me. So the last few days I've been doing this practice and working on a couple of deep-set blocks and this morning I woke up from a dream I'd had where Kat decided to leave because of something minor I'd done and we talked about it. And as we did this I felt this block in my chest start to dissolve and this pouring of emotion come out. It was a powerful feeling that moved me and moved our conversation. In turn Kat had her own dissolving occur. It was a powerful bonding experience for us that allowed us to explore the issue between us in a way that was safe and respectful.

I close out this month with the realization that perhaps what I am learning the most about movement is how to really let myself be moved. It's a realization that's been occurring for a while, but it's coming into fruition into a form that I can share with others who want to learn.

Why the Apocalpyse doesn't matter

The end of the current Baktun (Mayan Cycle) is today and a new one starts on Saturday. Some people are getting ready to hold end of the world parties while other people are telling us that its the end of the age of Pisces and the true beginning of the Age of Aquarius. Some people may very well believe that the end times are here and the end of the world is happening. Who knows, maybe we'll get lucky and the rapture will finally happen. You know what I say to all that? Whatever. It's a load of BS.

Even if the world did end today, would it really matter? Not really, not in the cosmic scale of things. Contrary to what many people like to believe the Earth and all the people on it aren't all that significant really. We live our lives, we make our mistakes and have our fun and when we are gone the universe continues without us. At some point the human race will go extinct and the cockroaches will take over or aliens will finally visit and ponder what happened to whatever lived on this planet. And the universe will go on.

And if the world doesn't end today (as it more than likely won't), some crackpot will come up with a prediction to say when it'll end. Or you'll have some evangelist who will proclaim the end times are here. And so what? All of these people eager for the end times have bought into a mythical belief of a better after life. And yet there's been talk about the end of the world for longer than any of us have been alive...and it still hasn't happened. It never will happen. And that's the problem when you put so much meaning into a date or a prophecy...inevitably you realize that whatever you read into it was inaccurate, a pipe dream.

We're all still here...so instead of focusing on the end times or whether this or that date will signify the end of the world, lets focus on what's really important: Living a meaningful life.