Picture copyright Taylor Ellwood 2018
10-22-2018 Today I transitioned over to the element of Creativity. this year I am changing how I work with elemental energy completely, by using the Sphere of Art as the elemental invocation and balancing force. And I am working with archangel Metatron in particular, but in tonight’s working I was reminded that I am really working with all of them. I did the Sphere of Art full invocation and then I meditated and in the meditation I was taken deep and experienced all 7 of the archangels as 1, which makes sense because they are ultimately reflections and embodiments of each other. They told me I would be building off everything I had learned this last year and this work would play an integral role in manifesting my path forward.
I’ll admit I found it appropriate that the final book cover, for Manifesting Wealth, came in today. It was a further confirmation from the archangels. I feel primed and ready to explore creativity and my relationship with it this year.
10-25-2018 Since I started working with the sphere of art everyday in conjunction with the element of creativity I have felt the 7 archangels show up in various ways. Today I felt them touch my hands and my hands became really warm to the touch. Earlier in the week it was more subtle, but each day they have come when I’ve done the Sphere or Art and tapped me into not only the elemental energies of creativity, but the other elemental energies they represent. I’ve also been feeling more creative, with a lot of it being applied toward figuring out what’s next in my entrepreneurial journey, which I’m feeling very motivated to get back to. It’s a fascinating feeling to have all this happening and yet also feel grounded and careful with where I’m going.
10-27-2018 I think one of the challenges with creativity is figuring out what to manifest. You can have so many ideas and projects yet get nowhere with them. I’m feeling that way a bit as I’m brainstorming some ideas for how to go back to full time self-employment. However what I’m doing is writing out my process and its helping me gradually filter out what I’ll work on so I can get the necessary clarity to manifest what matters. I think if you can develop a way to focus your creative efforts everything else becomes a lot easier because you actually have consistency in what you’re doing.
10-28-2018 When I cheat myself out of my creative successes I keep myself in situations I don’t want to be in longer.
10-31-2018 Creativity isn’t something which happens to you. It’s something you make happen. If you want to create something you find a way to do it even and especially when it isn’t easy to do.
11-3-2018 I took a break last night from the spiritual practice. I rarely do that but I had been inspired by conversations during the week and it was a reminder to me that creativity is cultivated as much by the breaks e take as by the work we do. Spending time just relaxing was exactly what I needed to do. Today I was told that I should begin preparations to do the elevations.
11-5-2018 I did the first elevation today with Carbon. I did the Sphere of Art firs creating it and then meditated with the alchemical Carbon. I could feel it grounding me as I communed with it. It was an interesting experiencing of feeling something else in the sphere along with the archangels providing its own gravity.
In preparation for this work I was reading the Sphere of Art 2 today. In it R. J. talks about how working with the sphere is allowing the hidden see of change to present itself you. It’s not forcing change, but being present with it. I feel like this applies to creativity and imagination as well. You can’t really force them to manifest by will. Instead you’ve got to be willing to open yourself to them and let them express themselves through you.
11-6-2018 Similar experience to last night when working with silver, the substance for the second day, though I felt a different vibration and it seemed to build off the previous work. I felt like the substance was working with me and it was very much an experience where the substance and I were interacting on a subtle level with each other.
11-9-2018 I’ve continued working with the elevations. Each day I work with a new one and it builds off the previous ones. On a different note I’m sitting with some fear around whether I should try online marketing again. Am I wasting my time? Is this the best use of my resources? Why am I wanting to do this? I think that last question is the most important one because I need to be sure I’m doing whatever I do from the right place, from a place of service to others. I’ll admit there is some self-interest involved. I don’t want to work for someone else, but I think I need to determine if that’s all there is, or if there’s something more there.
11-10-2018 I feel like part of this creativity work has been re-exploring past creative efforts in order to understand what has or hasn’t worked. In this case, I decided today to let go of the online marketing after exploring it again. It’s not where my heart is and something which has been made clear to me is that unless my heart is fully behind an activity, I’m not going to fully engage in it. I’m not ready right now, and perhaps never will be, to try and do coaching again. What I am ready to do is write and practice magic. That’s where my heart is and that’s where I must go.
11-11-2018 I had a realization today about why I’ve been holding onto the coaching practice in some form. It’s because I’ve been afraid to fully let it go, because I’ve felt like if I do then I’m giving up on self-employment and on myself. Yet I also realized holding onto it is blocking my creativity, stopping me from fully committing to writing. I’ve also held onto it because if I let go it means I fully accept my circumstances and accept that I might never go back and that’s been terrifying for me. But sitting with that made me realize I’m not holding on for the right reasons and that I do need to let go and trust that if I’m meant to help people in that way then it will come back when the time is right…and that right now the time is right for my writing. It’s hard to do, but I’m not in the right place emotionally, mentally, or spiritually and I have to acknowledge that, so I’m going to let go of my need to be in control of this experience and let this experience bring me where I need to go, trusting that if I’m meant to coach and teach others, it will become apparent again when the time is right and in the meantime focus on my writing, which is right here, right now.
I’ve also been putting together the next magical journal volume and as I read the entries from a couple years, I see where I went wrong. It’s hard to read those entries. I don’t even know that I want to share them, but I also know that you can’t move forward effectively if you can’t learn from your past.
11-14-2018 I’ve been reading Dare to Lead by Brene Brown and she talks about feeling fear, anxiety and scarcity around her productivity and I really resonate with that because I feel the same way. I was feeling that way last night, and asking myself why I felt the need to post something or say something. What was I trying to really do? I realized I was wanting recognition and validation. I was feeling anxious about not having that because i’m no longer doing many activities that really bring that. Yet when I reflected on it, I realized how much that need for recognition had gotten in the way of my creativity. Only by letting it go did I begin to connect more deeply with my creativity. I need to let go of being recognized and just do the work without expectation. Otherwise its like being a junkie seeking that next fix…it gets in the way of everything meaningful.
11-15-2018 Wrapped up the dry method of the alchemical elevations today. I could feel all 10 of the elevations and the substances working together, creating this feeling of push and pull at the same time. I’ve never had that experience until this working and I still have the wet method to work through.
11-18-2018 I took a two day break from any magical work, because when you finish something like the elevations you need time to let that work process through you. Today I’m going to resume with that set of elevations, which uses the wet way of alchemy.
Last night I got to see a presentation on art and magic which makes me intrigued to learn how to do acrylic painting. I’ve never worked with acrylics and I think I’ll take a class on it. It also reminded that the focus of my work needs to be on the creative pursuits. That’s where i’m drawn, that’s what excites me and that’s what I need to work on.
I’ve also been reading the Mysteries of Death and Dying and this has been good for me to read because right now I’m dealing with a family member dying. It’s been an ongoing situation, but its bringing up a lot of feelings around my own mortality as well as facing the reality that this person is dying. At times I feel overwhelmed, and knowing I have a guide of sorts I can draw on has helped me feel less overwhelmed and more focused on being present for that family member, in the way I can be.
11-19-2018 The work I’m doing with the wet way of alchemy is an interesting contrast to the dry way. With the dry way I felt like there was a gravitational pull. With the wet way I feel like it is evened out and balanced.
11-20-2018 Trusting that my writing will show me the way forward is something which is hard for me in some ways. In a very real sense I'm letting my creativity lead me, where before I would simply take charge and go my own way.
It means being vulnerable, open, and uncertain. I've felt that more in the last year than I previously ever had, so I've gotten used to it and I keep Brene Brown's motto of strong back, soft front, and wild heart in mind, because its a good tool for navigating vulnerable spaces and keeping in mind that you keep yourself curious and open to being vulnerable precisely because it can help you discover where you need to go.
I realize relying on my writing to lead me, to take me wherever I need to go is really about letting go of the trappings of being in control and accepting that I may have very little control, but what I do have is that willingness to go out into the wilderness, to dance on the edge and be alone, a place I know so intimately already, but yet a place I've also in some ways had trouble owning and accepting.
My writing, my creativity demands nothing less than that I accept the space wholeheartedly for there is where I will find my answers, as I always have. There is no safety for me in well worn paths, but on the razor sharp edge, there is the reassuring awareness that this space and place I'm in makes more sense to me than anywhere else I've ever been.
11-29-2018 I continued the elevation work today with the holy fire work, where you invoke the holy fire elementally into you. It builds off and works with the elevations. It reminds me a bit of Taoist internal work, and how that work also draws on the underworld and cosmic forces. What I find helpful about it is how this work engages me experientially…a reminder that creativity isn’t conceptual but is actual experiential.