Elemental Balancing Ritual Stability Month 10


7-24-2018 The other night I did the sphere of art working again, but this time, no energy flowed in to wake me up so to speak. Once I got to the meditation portion of the ritual, I asked the archangels about that and they said, "You expected it this time and we don't want there to be an expectation built into what you do with us." This made sense to me so I consider it a valuable lesson learned in relationship to this work as much as anything else.

Today I communed with Elephant. Its always part of the daily work, but I purposely made it the only thing I did with the daily work. He reminded me to take things slow and steady, to recognize that any path I go on will be a journey and not a destination. In the past I've gotten so focused on the destination that I haven't paid attention to the journey, to my own detriment so I thanked him for his wise advice.

7-26-2018 - On the drive in this morning I realized that the excuses I came up with for not pursuing something I truly wanted to do were what had kept me for so long from doing what I really want to do. Now after losing so much those excuses don't matter anymore, so now I write like I never have before.

Sometimes you have to lose everything that keeps those excuses in place to put you into an uncomfortable enough place that you'll choose to do whats really important to you. When that happens you no longer have any excuses to hold onto. You just have the truth and what you'll do with it. And that will define everything else you do after that. For me its writing like I always wanted to and never did, until now.

Did the sphere of art working today and I was very tired afterwards, but I could feel the archangels and they told me they'd never come in more than I could handle. I appreciate that. It's a different form of work when you mediate a spirit or spirits. But its a relationship all the same.

8-1-2018 A huge part of stability's work for me is around knowing what creates stability and what doesn't. But there's something Kat said the other day that's also stuck with me. I was telling her about my ongoing work with my books and she said when I did thing my own way instead of trying to fit into some box, that's when I thrived. And there's some truth to that. Taking charge and going my own way, truly going my own way has always worked better than anything else. That is part of my stability and a strength I need to remember to draw on.

8-3-2018 Today on the way home I reminded myself that my greatest flaws are my pride and anger. A huge part of the stability work I've done has been around being much more conscious about these flaws and how they can undermine my sense of stability and focus. What I learned from my mistakes from last year is that I let my pride and anger get the best of me. It created a situation of self delusion and a hard fall. I won't let that happen again, because I see clearly how I sabotaged myself, so if I start to feel that sense of anger and pride, there's a reminder that kicks in, the equivalent of the "thou are but mortal" warning whispered in the ears of Roman generals who were successful. 

8-5-2018 Each day is an opportunity. What you make of that opportunity is up to you. I don't know if anyone ever said that, but its true. And I feel like each day I am making the most of my opportunity by focusing on what matters. That's part of stability, in my opinion.

8-8-2018 Writing plays an integral part in my stability. I've recognized this as I've continued writing more and more. It allows me to get my thought process out, grounds my perspective, and the more I employ the writing practices I'm learning the more I feel focused. I'm thinking with any major venture I'll do I'll write a book first, because if I can write a book, then that alone will tell me if I have something I can offer.

8-9-2018 I had a talk with my manager today about how to handle stress at work. He made some really good points about not carrying the stress with you through the day. I considered his words in relationship to stability and recognized that part of creating a stable life is letting go of stress. I already do it through exercise, but I'm going to try and do it throughout the day as well, and with other situations that come up. As he pointed out I can't control everything around me, but I can certainly control my stress and how let it impact me. Wise words, and as someone who knows all too much about how illusory control is, its worth recognizing all over again in another context.

8-11-2018 I got rid of a crate of books today. I was getting books placed on the book shelves we recently bought, but I was also looking some of them over and asking myself, "Will I ever read this again?" It felt good to get that load of books wrapped up and dropped off. In general, as I continue this work with stability, that's how it feels when I get rid of or unload things I no longer need. I'm scraping away at the distractions to get underneath to the foundation and making that foundation solid and focused on the creative endeavors that matter.

My manager said something the other day. He said he felt like I had my life together. I was telling him about the businesses and how things had failed, and I appreciated that he said it. I feel like this year I've been getting my life back together after I did a nose dive the last couple years before that. It's hard sometimes to feel that way, but as I've learned the outward trappings of success are not always an indicator that a person has their priorities straight or their act together. Sometimes its just a show. Certainly it was a show for me in some ways. But I think I am getting my act together because I'm finally doing what I always wanted to do and no longer making excuses for it.

8-15-2018 I've had some intriguing developments on the internal alchemy front. I've been reading a book on marrow washing, which is method of Taoist meditation that involves generating Qi from the marrow. And with my experience with water meditation I've actually been able to do what they talk about in the book. The result has been that I've been able to significantly reduce the chronic pain I feel in my left leg and lower back. In some cases the pain is gone altogether. Further experimentation is in order, especially in terms of figuring out how to make this process accessible to other people. but also in terms of whatever else may result. I also feel more energized as a result of doing this work. It's truly exciting.

8-19-2018 I've continued to do work with the marrow washing technique. I have noticed a difference in the level of physical pain I've felt, and the overall energy I feel. I also noticed that the one day I didn't do the practice the pain returned. It demonstrates that this continuing work, not something that can just be done and fixed, which makes sense given that the practice is intended to be performed daily, but I find its always good to confirm through the actual work.

8-21-2018 A significant part of my work with stability is the letting go of anything that creates drama or decreases stability. If I'm going to live a creative life, I've come to recognize how essential stability is to that life. I see it in my recent creative work and in all the ideas that are continuing to present themselves in my fiction and non-fiction.