Elemental balancing ritual Stillness month 35


8-24-17 This is the next to last month of my work with Stillness. And I feel really good about that because I've definitely gotten a ton from the work, but its time to no longer be still. I'm ready for something different...yet I know this work will profoundly be a part of my life. It's embedded deep within me and there's still 2 months of stillness! 8-25-17 Today I had the opportunity to be on a call where the relationship I have with money was explored. I had the following realizations. The way I talk about money and think about money is negative. And it made me realize that if I treat money as an entity, then how I talk about it and treat it isn't based on mutual respect.At the same time I recognize how much I define my life by when money comes to me, or when its expected to come and that really helps me ponder how much I set my life up around the arrival of money. I also have a lot of resentment toward responsibility, because I've treated like a burden. And these realizations really helped me see how much I don't appreciate what I have or the relationships I'm creating with the people around me when I'm focused on what isn't there. I'm going to meditate and work on these blocks, but I'm profoundly grateful for the realizations I've had.

9-2-17 I've been sitting a lot with the word responsibility and my feelings around it. This has been prompted by the recent challenge I went through when I explored my relationship with money. I sometimes resent being responsible and I think its because when you take on a responsibility you recognize that there is something or someone you are responsible to. That kind of responsibility can be intimidating, so sitting with it and recognizing it for what it is...I'm glad I'm doing it. Being still with that feeling of responsibility and the emotions around it lets me be vulnerable with it and make the choice to be responsible consciously instead of from obligation.

9-9-17 As I'm starting to shift out of Stillness to the next element, I'm feeling this gradual loosening and movement. It's like something is waking up or hatching and I suppose that makes sense. I've gestated in Stillness for 3 years, but its time to move on...

9-16-17 I think its fitting that as I'm starting to come out of Stillness, I also make some other changes, including changing the magical experiments site. A while back it was recommended to me that I switch over to Squarespace from Wordpress. I tried Squarespace out and eventually figured out what it could do and I like it a lot better. So I decided why not transfer magical experiments over? So another change made and I'm happy with it. There are some other big changes ahead, which I'm really excited about.

9-18-17 I finished up Daring Greatly today. There was a point the author made about fitting in and belonging that really hit me. I've never really felt like I've belonged, until I created my own communities. But doing this stillness work has helped me figure out that I belong to myself as well and as odd as that might sound, there have been times where I've really struggled with self-acceptance. But stillness work has helped me be more accepting of myself. And I've needed it. This has been a hard year for me, in some ways, but I feel like I'm coming out of it with an acceptance of myself, because I am able to be vulnerable with myself. It's a good feeling.

9-21-17 I have one more month to go with the stillness working. Coming to the end of this work, I feel simultaneously exhausted and hopeful. In some ways being Still has made me feel really static. I'm ready to see what's next...and ready for some movement. Yet the stillness has also taught me to be much more comfortable with me. And that's something I've needed.