Month 36 Elemental Balancing Ritual Stillness


9-26-2017 Final month of the stillness working. It seems fitting that in some ways my life is in transition right now and stirring in different ways, bringing the stillness to a close. There are days I feel anxious and afraid yet underneath it is a sense of calm acceptance and focus on what I can do, which matters most. In a way, I've had to go repeatedly mad over the last few years to find my way out to moments of clarity that provide a direction forward. No easy work, but the stillness has been my rock preparing me for my upcoming journey.

10-3-2017 At a certain point you can become stagnant... or your work can become stagnant. Or both. And maybe that's the big finale with Stillness because I feel stagnant. I've been doing a lot of dissolving work lately around the feelings I've had and the situations and just letting it all go. Because holding on to what isn't working is the epitome of failure and futility and I've held on way too long.  

10-6-2017 I've been doing some dissolving work in conjunction with some work on my body, specifically communicating with the cells of my body so I can quickly recover from a cold. Getting back to work that really interests me feels good. In some was I feel like I've been running in a circle chasing my tail and to stop doing that and refocus on what matters regardless of the outcome feels like a breath of fresh air.   

10-10-2017 I'm feeling a sense of renewed hope and lightness. Some of that through doing the dissolving work, as well as starting the transition from Stillness to the next element. At the same time I recognize that I needed to hit bottom and Stillness, in its own way, was an appropriate element to do that with. When you hit bottom, all you have left is to claw your way back up, or stay at the bottom. I can't do the latter. It's not in my nature, so I'm clawing my way back up to wherever I need to go and enjoying the journey instead of of fixating on the result.

10-14-2017 Today I started reading Brene Brown's Rising Strong, which is a book about resetting, which seems appropriate with everything I'm dealing with at the moment. And she has this quote from Teddy Roosevelt, where he talks about the fact that the person that counts is the person making the attempt. A good reminder really not to be self-conscious about failure or success. I ended up meditating today on those feelings of self-consciousness. I'm resetting so much, but fortunately I've got what matters most, which is someone in my corner, and my own willingness to keep going, keep learning, keep moving forward.

10-18-2017 I'm getting prepped for changing elements. It's been 3 years since I switched, but I'm ready and I've figured out what the spirit will be for the element of Stability. The stillness work has been worth it. The culmination of it has helped me see what happens when you take an element work too far, I suppose, but its also brought me up close and personal with my shadows, which may have needed to happen.

10-20-2017 Yesterday Zadok told me that I should end my work with Stillness without carrying anything that might taint my future work. So I decided to apologize to to someone for my side of a situation. And afterwards, I felt this curious sensation of both relief and pain. And today I just feel free.

I'm about to start my closing ritual for Stillness and opening ritual for Stability, which is the next element I'll work with. Kat asked me why I chose that element and I said because I want to take the lessons I've learned in Stillness and previous years and create a stable foundation from that. I'm moving out of stillness, but that movement needn't be chaotic. She thought that was a good idea.

I've never worked with an element for so long, but I needed to with this one. At the same time, I'm ready to move.