Sex, Energy, and Magic oh my!

The other day I came across an interesting post, where the author made the argument that a magician should be careful about who s/he has sex with because of the energetic connections that can result, and specifically how the energetic connections can impact the magician. He argued that if a magician is promiscuous s/he can end up cultivating a lot of connections that may be unhealthy and that additionally if s/he is having sex with a person who has lower energy, this can create additional problems. It's an interesting argument.

One of the realizations about sex that I've had is that if you work with someone who has a background in sex and magic, sex can present an opportunity for that person to muck with your internal energetic structures or even to feed off your energy, such as occurs with psychic vampirism. I've had several such incidents occur, and its only been recently that those structures have been uprooted. Sex is an incredibly intimate act, but also an act of vulnerability, where each person is open to each other.

I've been a fairly promiscuous person in my past, and while I take ultimate responsibility for that choice, in examining the energetic structures that were pulled out of my energetic body, I can see how past sexual encounters created and reinforced a drive toward such promiscuity. So I agree with the author of that other post that it's important to be careful about who you sleep with, because whether intentionally or unintentionally you can end up picking up sexual patterns of behavior, which imprint themselves in your energetic and mental layers. Additionally I agree with him that indulging too much in your sexual appetites can lead to a fairly casual and mindless drive for sex. Thus it is very important to be mindful of who you invite into your bed.

Sex isn't just physical pleasure, in my opinion. There is an emotional, mental, and spiritual or energetic connection as well. And that connection occurs even in casual situations. I don't know that you are necessarily connected for life to someone you've had sex with, but I think it is a connection that can make an imprint and last for a while. I remember that one of my first lovers deliberately chose to use sex magic to make an imprint on me that lasted for almost twenty years, even though I'd ultimately been with her for only a few times. That imprint was only dissolved when I did some deeper internal work. And I encountered other structures also left by a couple other people. Those energetic structures provided their own imprint as well. what stood out to me was just how unaware of those structures I was, or how they were influencing some of my choices and behaviors. So I think it is important to be selective about your choice of partners, because it should be someone who really is looking out for you, and who you can trust in that most sacred and vulnerable of spaces that occurs when sex happens. And I think if you are going to do sex magic with someone its also important to remember to respect that person's energetic boundaries. Leaving energetic imprints can be quite damaging and unless you are absolutely certain you will be with the person in a committed relationship (and you have their permission) you should avoid leaving imprints. After all, those imprints can adversely effect a person years and years later.

Kink Magic is going out of print

My ex-wife and I recently came to an agreement that Kink Magic, which was co-authored by both of us, will be taken out of print as of the end of 2010. As such I will soon be taking down my page on this site to that particular book. Before I do that however, I have ten copies of Kink Magic left to sell, which I'll be happy to autograph. I also plan to write a new book on the subject, which will draw on some material from the previous book, but also go into some new directions. I don't know when this book will come out, so while you have a chance, consider getting a copy of Kink Magic from me. I've got ten copies left, but I can't guarantee how long I'll have them.

If you want a copy of the book, click the link above and order from me.

Magical Experiments - Sex Magic Radio Show

Here's the link to the radio show on sex magic, with special guest Tannin Schwartzein, the pink sphinx of Babalon. It's quite a good show, with both of us weighing in on the questions people asked in a previous post, but also discussing sacred sexuality in general.

Radio show and book review

On Sunday at 4:30pm PST - 7:30 EST, I'll be doing the sex magic radio show with a guest co-host. We'll be discussing the practical aspects of sex magic, but also examining the balance between pleasure and practicality. Review of Spiritual Cleansing by Draja Mickaharic

This book isn't explicitly for the magical practitioner, so much as its for a lay person, but nonetheless I was impressed by the thorough attention to detail and focus that the author provided. The author covered a variety of techniques and its fair to say that even experienced magicians could get a lot out of this book. What I liked the most was that it was very easy to follow the instructions provided. I'd recommend this book to any practitioner as a resource guide for magical and psychic cleansing techniques.

5 out of 5

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Questions for the radio show on sex magic

I'm doing the next radio show on magic experiments about Sex Magic. If you have any questions you'd like me to answer and discuss, please leave a comment below and I will answer your question on my radio show.

Building up sexual energy in Sex magic

When you read most books on Western sex magic, one of the discoveries you make is that there's a lot of focus on polarities, with a belief that men embody the active principle and women embody the passive principle. In other words, the women are supposed to lay there passively, while the man generates and directs the sex magical activity. Personally, I don't really buy into polarity model or the belief that a man has to be the active principle and the woman has to be the passive principle. But something I've experimented with has involved being the passive partner...not even so much in terms of physical activity but rather in terms of supplying the sexual energy that is then directed by my partner. But the word passive is actually misleading, because I'm still playing an active part...it's just that I'm not directing the energy toward the goal we've decided to focus on. So what is my role then in sex magic?

I use Taoist breathing techniques, while I'm having sex. I use the breathing techniques as a method for circulating my internal awareness, chi, energy, etc. So when I'm doing sex magic, I'm basically circulating the energy between myself and my partner, building it up again and again as I continue the breathing and other activities. She takes the built up energy and focuses it on the goal. She's in the director's role, if you will, but my own role is far from passive...I'm not directing the energy, but I build it up, so it can then be directed by my partner.

In my approach I suppose both people (or more) are engaged in some activity. There's no real polarity at work. If anything, it moves past such labels as male or female into a place where what matters is what each person is doing with the sexual energy. There's collaboration involved, really, because each person needs to know what the other(s) are doing, in order to play his/her part effectively. And this approach, this attitude, this perspective works well for me. We do the sex magic, we get the ball rolling and life changes.

Magic Experiments Radio show re-started

I've re-started the magical experiments radio show. In this show I discuss process and magic with my occasional co-host and magical partner Kat. I'll be doing these radio shows about once every 2 weeks, so keep an ear out for them.

Book Review: The Secret Pulse of Time by Stefan Klein

The Secret Pulse of Time is a very interesting book that looks at time from a number of angles, most notably cultural and neuroscience angles. I found it to be a refreshing read because it didn't focus on the conventional approach, which is usually physics, but actually delved into other disciplines and there take on time. The author also provided some excellent examples to back up what he was discussing. I found some of his thoughts on information overload particularly relevant, especially with the advent of social media. I highly recommend this book.

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Sex magic, grounding, and body work

Last night I got into a conversation with a friend of mine who does a fair amount of work in the sacred sexuality scene. We discussed, among other things, a tendency for many sex magic workers to not use proper grounding or shielding because they wanted to let all the sensations in. We noted, in the end, that it seemed more about the sex and less about the magic. Today a post I read prompted me to think how easy it is to separate sex from actually sitting with the body, and why that in itself may also be an issue for ungroundedness and too much focus on sensation. I find with sex magic that there is a very real difference between sex magic and sex. I'll be the first to admit I love sex. I enjoy sex for the sensations and pleasure and the opportunity to please someone. And sex for sensation's sake is great. I love having great sex and focusing on the sensation.

Sex magic, OTOH, is different. It's a deliberate choice to raise spiritual energies, work with entities, do energy work with partner(s), and do a variety of other activities that ultimately are focused on some kind of magical work. And while there are many sensations to be experienced, focusing on the sensations is actually a distraction from the magic. I find that sex magic practitioners that focus on the sensation generally tend to be very scattered. I probably wouldn't work with them precisely because of that.

This isn't to say that sensation can't be used as a tool for sex magic, for it certainly can. I find BDSM useful for that reason, because I can actually have the person I'm topping take all those sensations and focus them into a journey/experience that produces the desired change. And even plain ol' vanilla sex sensations can be used for the same purposes, provided the people understand that it's not so much about feeling the sensation as it is about directing it.

When sensation becomes the reason to do sex magic, it isn't sex magic. It's just sex with a superficial layer of spirituality dashed on top as a way of adding a spiritual dimension to it. There have been and are plenty of gurus who in fact have done just that in order to get laid.

When I go into a sex magic situation, while I may enjoy the sex, it isn't the primary reason for being in that situation. The primary reason is to raise energy using sex and do something transformative with it. At the same time, I know that at some point the magic will finish up and I need to ground myself. Also throughout the experience, I need to use the appropriate shielding and energy work techniques to not only focus what I'm doing, but not introduce any undesirable energy into the working, no matter how good it might feel at the time.

Now let's bring this back to the body. Another I've noted is that many people use sex to escape sitting with the body. The sensations experienced during sex don't necessarily put you in touch with your body, so much as allow you to escape from really being with it. Why? Because sex is really about experiencing an altered state of mind and body. While the pleasure and sensations can actually be used to put you in touch with your body, they can also be used to as a distraction from your body.

I find that the body, when it comes to sex magic, and even sex in general, is both one of the greatest distractions, in terms of sensation, and also one of the greatest tools for grounding yourself. Using breath work during sex, for example, can help you focus on the magical work, but can also help you get rooted in your body so that you fully feel it, both during and after sex.

Sex alone won't help you feel comfortable with your body, though it may help some. Ultimately what helps for embracing the body is learning to sit with it and experience all of it, the pains and pleasures, the changes that result as you age, and also getting into some kind of physical activity, besides sex, that gets you out of your head and into your body. I've found that becoming comfortable with your body really enhances everything you do, because you are intimately aware of how your body responds to your surroundings. It grounds you and makes you more aware of the present.

Review of Cosmic Fusion by Mantak Chia

I found this book to be useful in terms of understanding Chia's approach to Taoist inner alchemy work and integrating more of the practices into my own work. At the same time, it seemed like this was just a much more convoluted version of the Fusion of the five element techniques, with a lot of extra and somewhat unnecessary steps included. I found that I needed to boil away a lot of the extra steps and once I did so still was able to achieve the desired and expected results for doing this practice. I'm not sure the material presented in this book warranted an entirely new book. It's still useful material and worth learning in order to refine your inner alchemical work.

3.5 out of 5

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Some thoughts on Sex Magic

I got into an interesting discussion today with an acquaintance I met about sex magic. I was telling her about my approach to sex magic, in terms of how I identify myself when it comes to the polarity issue. In hetero sex magic, the masculine principle is usually perceived of as the active energy, while the female principles is usually perceived of as the passive energy. But I've never really agreed with that model, and my work with Babalon has only made it more apparent to me that the trad model of sex magic, in ceremonial magic, doesn't really work for me. When it comes to sex magic, and even sex in general, I tend to be a re-active principle, which is to say that my energy doesn't get active until it has something to re-act to, and even then I prefer that my energy be directed by my partner.

Or to put it a different way, instead of being the beast which carries Babalon, I am the beast ridden by Babalon...My energy responds to her and she directs it. And I'm comfortable with that as a sex magician.

But it didn't really, fully click until today that this was the case, because so much of what I've read has always insisted on the male principle being the active energy. And I wonder how many other male magicians, who practice sex magic, might respond if they realized that the masculine principle doesn't always need to be active, and sometimes just may not be at all.

Elemental Love Work month 12

I wrote this poem on Thursday, in my live journal. I'm reposting it here, because it depicts part of the conclusion to the elemental Love work. The connection is what we want silver strands that glisten by the star light, whispering promises from the vibrations of the space/time wind The core opens to reveal the secret heart of the universe a path lit up by red lines of force the flames of the fox fire beckoning, and luring on those eager hunters of desire

Hourglass eyes witness the illusion of time, The spiderweb, wet with dew, promises a non linear story Truth, truth, truth...

Whirling fan over the light, a very tired person looks up spreads his arms, and journeys into the iridescent glow of promise. I see all possibilities in the quantum sea everything could, is, was, will do, but will any of it become?

I am also Empty...Reach in and pull the last out Everything is stripped away...she took me on she gave me surfeit her hand gentle on my cheek, while the other rips everything out.

Your illusions are gone, now what?

Now what indeed. It's month 12...The end of the year long elemental love work...The end of my working with Babalon, the sacred whore, the scarlet woman, she who takes on all, but demands the sacrifice of your illusions. Babalon has thoroughly fucked me this last year. At times she had been a gentle lover, at other times a demanding bitch. One hand has caressed me as a lover, while the other has ripped my heart out. And through it all, her scarlet eyes have looked into mine, holding me steady, urging me on, demanding the best from me.

I wouldn't recommend the element of love to just anyone. I think this year's work has been by far the most intense and demanding of all my magical workings. You have to be ready to sacrifice it all on the altar of love to experience the truths you will inevitably find about yourself, and if you get anything back, count yourself blessed, and recognize you also earned it.

This last month has been one of nostalgia, regret, and healing. I remember a year ago, I remember how desperate I was, how much I knew I needed to change, my patterns of love had grown very toxic indeed. I was a toxic bloom, everything on the surface, ready to be popped. I remember meeting a priestess of Babalon, and a relationship that didn't work out and being told, "This elemental love work has left bruises on my heart, your wife's heart, and your heart. Will it be worth it?" I remember bad communication on my part, an unwillingness to really be open or intimate and my journey throughout this year to learn how to do that, how to really open up, how to be vulnerable, how to be honest despite the fear. Honesty with others, but most importantly honesty with myself about my desires, my fears, and what has motivated so many of  my choices.

I remember other situations, other people, all the lies I told to myself, ripped away. And I remember a couple nights with Lupa, where I really opened up, where I told her things I had not told her or anyone else. I remember being honest with her in a way I have never been with anyone, and despite my fears, despite the ingrained responses and reactions that said to just hold it all in, to protect myself by never saying a thing...I spoke...I told her, I laid myself out and let her see the real me. And she accepted me...she showed me LOVE, even as Babalon has Shown me LOVE.

A couple weeks ago, I felt the weight of these regrets...My mind wandered through the past year, through the lessons earned, the people touched, the bruises left, especially the bruise in myself. And I felt Babalon stir beside me. She gave me a gentle look and parted the folds of my flesh, to the heart underneath, and instead of seizing it in her hand as she often has, she gently touched it, touched the bruise of my regrets, and she said,

"It's time to let this go. You've learned what you needed to from this. Let it go, so you can move on and let other people into your life and into your love when you're ready. You've learned the lessons I needed to teach you and I will always be here to remind you of them, and also support you as you continue your journey."

And she took those regrets away...the physical pain I felt in the hollow of my chest left me.

This last Monday, I was talking with Wes Unruh about language, magic, semiotics, and we got around to talking about Babalon and male magicians. He said that he didn't think a male magician came into his full power until he'd had an encounter with Babalon. He told me of his own experiences and mentioned that for about a year after his working with Babalon ended he had focused on the element of emptiness and on rebuilding himself...and I found great comfort in this, because it's another confirmation I made the right choices, and I'm on the right path.

I was asked earlier this year, if this elemental love work would be worth the bruises, and the pain. And my answer is yes. It is worth all the pain caused, all the pain felt. It is worth the pain I caused as well as the pain I felt. It's not that I wanted to cause that pain. It's not that I felt a secret delight. No...That pain is part of the process of life, of how you learn. I made mistakes, I came face to face with the reality of the effects of those mistakes. The regret I felt for the pain I caused was something that's haunted me for this last half year. And yet, that pain, for me, for them has the potential for growth. It's what we choose to make it...and so Babalon showed me I could let go, move on, heal...

Last year, I said to Lupa, I said to others, "All of the relationships I'm in now will be changed if I do this working." And everything changed for those relationships. Every single relationship I was involved in on a romantic level is now gone, accept the relationship with my wife, which has ended up stronger than ever before because we worked through our problems with each other and came to a deeper, more intimate relationship than any I've ever had, except for one. It's taken a lot of work and honesty on our parts, but here we stand together, stronger than ever...

And that one relationship which is deeper and more intimate...that's the relationship I have with myself. This year has forced me to know myself as I never did before, and this next year will take me even further, but I'm ready for that plunge. Babalon has shown me not just the truth of LOVE, but also that of Strength. The strength to forgive, the strength to let go, the strength to love, and the strength to learn. She showed me my strength, even as she took away all the delusions I'd told myself.

Babalon told me it would get harder before it got easier, and she was right. It got really hard somedays to wake up and face the reality of my motivations, my desires, my love or lack thereof. In April, when I walked around, desperately unhappy, desperate to fill something in me and instead walked home and told Lupa about my emptiness, about how empty I sometimes feel, that's when I started to really learn from this year's elemental working...that's when I came face to face with the underlying motivation for so much of my unhealthy behaviors. That's when I realized just how much my feeling of emptiness had so often motivated my choices to try and find something to fill it, instead of choosing to feel it. And now that I know that feeling...now I'm ready to accept it, to move into it and everything it has to teach me.

On Friday, I had some of my hair cut. Babalon spoke to me in a moment of shared love and lust, in a moment of ritual, a finishing touch. That night, Lupa massaged me, talked with me, reconnected with me about our love, about what we find so important and she cut my hair, part of my payment to Babalon. Below is a poem I wrote about Friday:

"You've still got to pay up the last bit for this year of companionship I gave you" She told me.

Her long black hair framed her face, cascading down her frame, hiding her body, leaving only the oval of her face her red eyes staring into mine a doorway into the abyss an invitation into Emptiness

As we fucked with wild abandon her hands touched my long hair and she said,

"Perhaps some of this... Cut some of it for me and also for the next element Cut it as an offering when you pass through the gateway within me and within you The gateway to the heart of the universe"

As we came to crescendo, She and I, My goddess of desire, her beast to ride, I felt myself swallowed into her. She whispered,

"Conjunctio, The joining of forces Your principle joined to mine, In combination we create the alchemical wedding Your sacrifice opens the gate that your seed might be consumed and you reborn in my dark womb of Emptiness Your potential realized in the joining of everything and nothing."

Later my body massaged with hands of gentle love and care, my hair brushed out, the scissors snap some is taken away "Taking a little, so a lot can grow back, so you can realize your potential" Caressed, loved, forgiven, your hands know my body I fall into the light of the quantum sea out of reality, into everything

Everything I am falling back to potential, In her hands I lay, in her womb I will be sacrificed The gateway is open, Conjunctio achieved Emptiness beckons It's a promise of potential I'll take.

"Your last price is paid, Your coin is accepted the gate is open, fly free my love fly free

When you come back reborn anew, you will really know me and my name.

And I whisper,

"Babalon, Great goddess, Sacred whore, scarlet woman, take me, take me, take my sacrifice and show me the door to conjunctio, show me the door to emptiness zero and one, everything and none, where potential awaits to sculpt, to show, to provide the pathway to the heart of the universe to the silver webs of time, and the purple halls of space"

And she rips away from me the last shred of illusion Her hand caresses my cheek one last time, her tears touch my face, She kisses my lips one last time, to steal my last breath Great Babalon has destroyed me.

And now... I'm free to arise. Elemental Emptiness show me the way, through the door

I am here, I am there I am everywhere, everywhen, all things and none, a whisper on the wind, the caress of a hand on your chin all realities within my eyes, I am reborn into emptiness... I am reborn to realize my potential.

Today, Saturday, I finished the Love working. I went upstairs, with the painting of the seal of Babalon, The beast dagger, the candle with her visage gracing it. I lit the sacred candle in my temple. I dedicated two posters of the mythos of Babalon as told by Oryelle Defenestate-Bascule to Her. I burned a bit of my cut off hair in the flame of the candle. I cut her seal into my flesh, her name into my skin with the tip of the dagger, tracing so delicately upon my skin the imprint of this goddess...

I sang her praise, I thanked her for her gifts, and then I asked her to take me through the portal to emptiness. I fucked her one last time, giving her my seed and then I was taken in hand by the entity who represents emptiness...But that story will not be told until Tuesday, when the dedication ritual is finished.

Farewell Babalon, sacred Goddess and sacred whore, my lover and destroyer.

The lyric below is from the song Here's to You by Lisbeth Scott. I removed a couple words, that aren't relevant to me, to this year's working...but the lyrics of this song, the song itself is a fitting end to the love working and the beginning of the work on the element of Emptiness:

Here's to you... Rest forever and ever... The last and final moment is yours. Agony's your triumph.

Here's to you, Rest forever here in our hearts. The last and final moment is yours. Agony's your triumph.

Transformation and re-dedication

A week and a half ago I got interviewed by Leisa Refalo for tarot connections. She and I happen to live in the same city, so she was game for doing the interview in person. Because the majority of my work with Tarot is practical magic oriented as opposed to divination, she was curious as to how I could demonstrate some of my work. I won't ruin it for my readers, because we discuss what I did in the interview she and I had. However what really interested me was that before we did the interview, she gave Lupa and I a white candle with the Strength card displayed, saying she had a feeling we needed it. The Strength card is also the Lust card, depending on the deck and portrays Babalon riding the Sacred Beast. I found this relevent because I'm working with Babalon for the course of a year in my elemental balancing work and because I had also dedicated myself to her.

In the course of the interview I did my magical working with the cards and the final card I picked as an outcome for the working I was doing was the Transmutation card, or transformation. This card was important because it signaled a transformation of my relationship with certain aspects of my life. I'm not going to go into detail about those transformations, as they are of a highly personal nature.

Tonight when I go home, I will be buying several bottles of red wine. One will be for a friend, but one will be for the lady in red. I will light the flame of the blessed candle. I will take my blade, with the hilt of the beast and pass it above the flame, as I call her. I will paint a picture and use the smoke of the candle to purify and bless the picture. I will take the bottle of red wine and pour some into a cup, with a bit of blood and cum to go in as well to flavor it with my essence. I will commune and re-dedicate myself to her.

Her hand is on my shoulder. We will keep walking and talking with each other, just as we had before, but in a different vein. There's so much she can teach me and she is still my guide for this year's elemental love working, but also for beyond. We are transformed, now we continue the journey of refinement.