Space is the Place part 3

Two weeks ago, I found out I was getting a divorce. Needless to say that kind of threw me off when it came to magical work, but in truth it also lent itself to my work with space. We still live together but I moved into my own room. Getting used to having my own sleeping space has been rather interesting, especially since it's not something I've had for the last four years. Tonight I finally did my third working to Thiede, in this case to claim my new space as my ritual space. I pulled out nine stone eggs and arranged them in a circle around me, pulled out the memory box and got elephant's permission to open the gate of space/time. Then I evoked Thiede, and placed my hands on the memory box and let him guide me on a journey to claim my space.

He asked me what had changed in my space, and I told him my perspective, my sense of freedom, my place with different people. Then he showed me how to take the spatial awareness that we'd been cultivating and apply it to the room I was in. The room become a dome, like a bucky dome actually, with different matrices forming and in each matrix was a perspective, a place of awareness about not only the physical space I was in, but also the space of my life. Thiede asked me if I was really ready to claim my space, not just the room, but my space as a person. Was I ready, he asked, to be true to myself about what I wanted in that space.

And I thought that for the first time in my life I can be honest with myself about what I really want...or more honest than I have been, because I'm through with buying into certain societal expectations about what I should want in my space, from another person, etc. I realized that I don't want to compromise my sense of space for someone else, not if that means I'm unhappy as a result.

I claimed my physical space, but also my metaphysical identity space, to be true to what I want in that space, so I can be true as well to who I allow into that space. And I recognize as well that every other person has his/her own space and so each person must respect his/her own space...I claimed my space, and my awareness of that space. Thiede told me than to do another working with Elephant and get ready for Purson...

In other news...

Panthea-con schedule is up. I'll be teaching the class on Space/Time magic on Saturday morning at nine.

Space is the place

Tonight I chose to work With Thiede, my guide for space. Anyone who is familiar with the character of Thiede from the Wraeththu series will remember that he's character who is able to alter the awareness of space and time, to put people into different spaces. Tonight I chose to do my first working to him, in the context of the element of space. It was a very interesting working. He just had me meditate on the concept of space without trying to apply movement to it. He told me that the inclination with space is to apply some kind of movement or activity to fill it up, or to associate it with time to give it a sense of movement, but that such associations may be incorrect and more so the result of human perception and the need to do something with space (and Edward Hall alludes to this very issue in his work on space and culture). Meditating on space without defining it, experiencing it is so different because it suddenly treats space as an entity unto itself, instead of as a background or something to be filled or moved in. In fact, in one sense Space can't really be moved in, so much as it can be moved around. I don't know how else to put that. I'm sure further meditations will provide more clarity.

What I came away with is a different awareness of space. I'll be doing more meditations, and may make the dancing I do tonight part of the experience of space from this new perspective that Thiede has gifted me with.

On a different note, I was struck to today how easily we create stories and perceptions about other people that aren't remotely true. That someone who seems successful might be suffering a lot more than how s/he displays it...just how private a person's world can be, and what may never be noticed unless you actually begin to interact with that person (and even though how much will you really know?).

Several experiments in linguistic magic

Since starting to read Magic Power Language Symbol by Patrick Dunn, I've decided to try out a couple of his techniques, particularly the Semiotic Web and the Defixio technique, albeit with my own variations. The semiotic web technique is actually similar to my space/time sigil web technique. The essential difference is that you create two webs. One web is filled with the negative feelings, thoughts etc you might have about a situation. The other web is filled with conscious answers to those negative thoughts and feelings. I decided to try this technique out in regards to some negative thoughts and feelings that I was dealing within regards to my current job search. I wrote job hunt at the center of the web and then wrote all the negatives out. I then wrote job hunt again and all the conscious realizations I had about those negatives. I then took the two webs upstairs and called the Dehara into a circle and did a ritual to Agave the Dehar of banishment (and to me, also creativity, cause he's a dehar of fire and I associate fire with creativity). I took the negative web and burned it, and ended up having to slap some of the fire out, which put me into an altered state of mind quickly. I then meditated on the positive web, picturing it in my mind and integrating it into my altered consciousness. When that was done I thanked Agave by taking the ashes outside and offering them to him. I'm already noticed a more positive frame of mind about all my activities. I liked this technique. I plan on seeing how I can expand and improve on it...already have a couple ideas in mind for how this technique could be adapted for some space/time workings.

The Defixio technique involves writing out a statement of purpose and then offering it to the gods. I decided to try this, but offer it to the goddess Portlandia. I wrote my statement out and then put in the recycling bin, because Portlandia cares about recycling, and also because I want the message to become part of the natural cycle. I don't know how often I would use this technique, but it also could have some creative applications depending on which deity you worked with and how said deity wants you to deposit the defixio.

In thinking about these exercises, something which stands out to me is that there is a lot of room for creative touches, and we also have to remember to be creative. This is true for any technique or process...and by creative I really mean making a technique or process into you own process...into something that is personalized and works for you because it has an efficacy designed in the personalization of the technique. Personalization, to me, is a process of experimentation, and also a process of improvement. How do I make this process fit into my practice? How can I improve on it so it's even more effective for me. Granted, there's some techniques, which seem to be done just as is, but with writing you can be creative and that's why language is such an important tool of magic...it's open-ended and writ large with possibilities.

Water of forgiveness part 2

Last night I did another ritual to Lunil. I took a glass of water with me. I opened my nayati, but instead of working with the elemental Dehara vegrandis, I called the usual four. They seem to have more oomph and presence then the elemental Dehara have for me. Once I'd established the nayati, I want to Lunil's corner and opened the doorway to his realm. I then took the water, and drank most of it. I also traced Lunil's sigil on my forehead. I laid down and focused on feeling the water as it entered my body. My third eye activated and I saw Lunil. He and I talked further about forgiveness...that it didn't imply becoming friends with a person again, so much as it involved letting go of the pain that a person caused you or the pain you caused yourself or other people. The water washes away the blood...

The Water of Forgiveness

A few days ago, I did my Mahjan (ritual) to Aruhani. I visited the hostling of Bones at the World Tree and wasked if I would drink the water of memory of the Water of Forgetfulness. I drank the Water of memory. The last few days, memory has revealed itself more in negative patterns than anything else. I was reminded of words I spoke, or actions I did that were negative. Today I did the Mahjan to Lunil, the Dehar of the moon and the blue flame, but also of water. I traveled to the domain and Lunil asked me if I'd drink the water of forgiveness. Forgiveness has been on my mind a bit lately, both forgiveness of others and myself, so I thought I might give it a try. I drank the water from a cup the Dehar provided me. And then I went on a long journey to different places in my life where something happened and instead of being harsh toward myself, I felt compassionate. I felt like I was in an ocean of memory. It was multi-colored.

I think forgiveness will be the next theme in my year long work with the element of love.

I finished the meditation to find an hour had passed. Lunil told me to visit him any time, suggested I might want to work with the concept of forgiveness with him for a while. I just might.

A Deharan Caste Ascension

While I was at Pantheacon, I had the opportunity to perform a Caste ascension in the Deharan system of magic. A caste ascension is essentially both an acknowledgement that a practitioner has reached a point in the current caste where they've learned what they need to learn, and also a method of strengthening the energetic body of the person so that s/he can work with the exercises in the next caste. The Caste Ascension I performed was the first one I ever did in this system, so it was a new experience, but based on my own previous experiences in Dehara, plus some guidance from the Dehar Miyacala, I had a fairly good idea of what to do. The Har I performed the ascension on is named Poison and s/he was kind enough to share har own experiences, which I'll link to at the bottom of this post.

In the hotel room, I briefly explained what I intended to do and made sure Poison was comfortable with it. I then did the calling of the Dehara to each quarter, with a final call to the Aghama in the center. Once we had the circle established, I invoked Miyacala into me and asked the Dehar to guide me as I did the ascension ritual. 

Miyacala asked Poison if s/he was ready for the ascension and s/he nodded.  Miyacala then described what Neoma meant, namely that Neoma is the shield, protecting others, but also providing protection for the self. As an aside, I tend to think of Neoma also as recognizing the need to establish boundaries both within the self and with interactions with others, in order to protect all involved. Miyacala asked Poison wanted to take from har studies, what goals s/he had, etc. Poison's answer (which you can read in the link) seemed to satisfy Miyacala. Miyacala stepped forward and ttraced the symbol of Neoma on Poison's forehead, while vocalizing it. The agmara or energy of Poison began to shift, changing to the color of Neoma. Poison told me later that s/he felt hotflashes while this occurred.

Once Miyacala had finished raising Poison's Agmara to Neoma, he left me. I proceeded to close the circle down, while thanking the Dehara. Poison and I talked for a bit, and then later chatted with hir partner and my own partner.

I found the ascension ritual to be a very powerful experience. Even when Miyacala was invoked, I still felt present in my body, but I let har direct my movements and do what s/he needed to do to perform the ascension ritual.

On another note, It was really fantastic to work with someone in this system, in person. Until now, the majority of my workings were done online, except for when I worked with Maryam on several occasions.

For people who are interested in reading Poison's account, Go to here: http://poison-hara.livejournal.com/4169.html

Dancing with Dehara

In the late nineties, I picked up the original Wraeththu series and had my life changed by it. I knew right after I read it that I would meet Storm Constantine. I couldn't tell you why I knew (at that time), but I knew it had to happen. Shortly after, I did in fact make contact with her online and we started talking about magic and Wraeththu. I remember telling her that I felt called to meet her. Only later did I realize that Thiede, one of the characters of the series had facilitated that. Thiede is the Aghama, the central god head of the Wraeththu universe and also the master of space/time (and yes an inspiration for Space/Time Magic). It wasn't that surprising that he decided to reach out and tap us both to work together. He wanted something more than just a fantasy series from Storm. I worked with the Deharan system of magic for a few years...it was only when I moved to Seattle that the work slackened off. After moving to Portland though, I recently got pinged by Thiede..."Well what's keeping you from doing the work? I want you to start working through the caste systems in the first book and the get back to work on what I had you working on before".

Over the last couple of weeks, I've started integrating Dehara back into my life. I finished up the first two castes of Ara and Neoma and I'm about to do Byrnie again. I've felt as if some of the wheels in my head have been freshly cleaned and regreased by the work. And each time I've called the Dehara, I've felt their presence, sharp, strong. And I wonder how I could forget that.

Seems like Storm and other people have been pinged as well. It's as if a signal went off and everyone raised their heads, blinked at each other and got back to work. In my case, some very necessary internal work has had to occur, before I could go further with this particular system of magic.

A lot of my internal alchemy, sex magic, and space/time magic work  has been inspired by Wraeththu. The internal work I've been doing is reflective of some of the path work that goes into the first six castes of Dehara, which are very much focused on self-knowledge and recognition of how a person approaches reality. Once a person recognizes that, s/he also recognizes how the magical work done can effect reality. The magician is trained, in this system, to cultivate the internal in order to effect the external, while also appreciating that the external necessarily not only corresponds to the internal, but also effects how thei nternal responds...it's a cycle.

The other night I did a purification ritual, calling the Dehara into my own, purifying certain tools, rebuilding relationships with them and sharing breath...exchanging essence for essence. I'm dancing with the Dehara again. I'll be sure to post updates as the work continues.

The Path is Hard

I'm reading The Fulfilments of Fate and Desire by Storm Constantine now, for my pleasure reading, but also to get reacquainted with a magical system I work in, called Dehara. There's a lot of magic in the books themselves, but continuing to develop a magical system around those books is something I've felt called to do lately. Some of that actually relates to a couple of my previous posts about service and deity, and being pinged about this particular matter. But more on Dehara later...this is a post about something else. I've been thinking lately about the characters in the Wraeththu series, and in particualr Cal's journey. I have a lot of empathy for Cal, because I definitely feel like I'm on a similar journey of purification and self-knowledge. At one point Cal is told, "The Path is Hard," when he complains about it.

Yep...the path is hard. Really hard sometimes. A person might be tempted to say, "Well it's only as hard as you make it". A flippant response, but not entirely incorrect. There is some truth that the hardness of any task is at least partially determined by the person doing the task. But even when a task could be easier, that doesn't mean it's not hard. A good example, for me, comes from earlier today, when I meditated and was confronted by an aspect of myself, which essentially said, "Stop pretending I don't exist, or I'll continue sabotaging you." Certainly it was easier to dialogue with that aspect, then continue denying it. But that didn't mean it was easy to face that aspect. Suddenly, I was facing again all those times where I hadn't really been honest with myself about it or the needs it embodied, and well...some problems occurred, because of actiosn I took. I'm responsible for those actions and the effect they had on others, but moreso I'm responsible for the effect it's had on me. The denial I've caused to myself inevitably inflicts harm on myself, and so while my path is easier, it still involves facing that harm, coming to peace with that as part of coming to peace with the aspect.

Throughout the original trilogy and even to some degree in the second trilogy, Cal is portrayed as a toxic character. He embodies what happens when you do not know yourself...the toxicity he spreads is chaotic. He shakes up the lives of everyone. Even in the process of learning to be honest with himself, to cleanse himself, to come peace with everything that occurred in the past, he's still a chaotic influence, but he begins to stabilize as he continues on this path of self-realization.

Sometimes I think what makes the path so hard is that awareness of toxicity in myself. I can be toxic, to myself or to others. The potential is there for everyone. I can be a toxic flower, beautiful to behold, but taste of me and I will surely wreck your life. That's one way to look at it.

But I also have to remind myself that it's growing pains, don'tcha know? Really. I'm not always toxic...I might not be at all. I'm just someone muddling my way on this path I call life, learning as best I can...It's far easier to be hard on myself than to recognize that in fact I don't have to be that hard. So where does magic fit into all of this?

Magic, in my experience of the last few years, involves a lot of internal work, a lot of internal change. I can't say I always felt that way...For a long time I considered magic to be more or less external. Some internal awareness was there, but I was mostly concerned with getting results. I could summon up entities, do sigils, etc, and get results, and that was all that mattered. Magic was great for solving external problems, but I didn't really think about where the root of those problems was coming from (or at least my responsibility for those problems). Only in the last few years did my magical approach shift to the internal, so that I do most of my work internally and then let the changes manifest externally. Doing the internal work meant really starting to be honest with myself about why I was even doing magic in the first place and what it was I was hoping to get out of it.

I've come face to face with a lot in the last few years. I'm currently working with the element of love and facing all of the internal demons associated with that concept for me. And so, just as Cal discovers, the path is hard...but it does get easier as time goes on. Because the more you work through, the less baggage you have holding you down, and the easier the external situations get...and then you realize the real strength of magic isn't found in the neat special effects or even in making results happen (Though those are always nice perks)...its found in really embracing the reality of yourself on all levels, without attachment...without lust for results...

Not being...not doing, and in all of that finding something we could call freedom, self knowledge, enlightenment...whatever you want, or not. I'll call it a lifetime of adventure, discovery, and experience. Or walking the path...it does get easier, really.