6-24-2018 I’ve started working with the Archangel Gabriel and the energy of Yesod/Moon for this month. Appropriately enough I think I’ve already set myself up for the work and not in a wonderful way. There are times I really I think all I’m good at doing is fucking up. This is one of those times. I made an impulsive decision (I’m good at those) instead of slowing down. I always learn after the fact, but when the damage is done, what good is the learning?
6-25-2018 Continued work with Gabriel today and I’m very much feeling the influence of the West and water, as well as a sense of tidal pulsing back and forth. Life comes and goes. The tides pull and push. Life continues.
6-28-2019 I’m feeling a definite shift in the work with Gabriel/water/Yesod vs Sandalphon/underworld/Malkuth. This work is more lunar, shifting tides, flowing into water and allowing that flowing to take me into some interesting places. I’m relaxing into the flow and letting it carry me to where I need to go.
6-30-2019 Today I was reminded by Gabriel that I need to focus on the Essential few over the trivial many. If I’m feeling overwhelmed and unproductive, its likely because I’m taking on things that are distracting me from what’s really important. My creative efforts are hampered when I take on too much, and lately I’ve been doing just that, letting various external and internal distractions get in the way of the essential few. I was also reminded to get some perspective and be more gentle with myself. I’ve come a long way in the last 2 years.
7-1-2019 Love has boundaries, when done right because love done right means loving yourself enough to take care of yourself. This is what I meditated on today as I worked with Yesod, the moon, Water, and Gabriel. It’s fascinating to combine all of this together,and its part of what I’ve been building off of with the sphere of art. I feel that I’m experiencing the Tree of Life in yet another way with this work, creating a deeper connection to it as well as the spirits I’m working with.
7-7-2019 Continued work with Gabriel/Yesod etc is proving to be quite interesting in terms of the vividness of the experiences. I’ve found that the meditations have been helpful with creativity in terms of helping me further refine my creative focus to hone in on what I love over doing things I might like but not be fully invested in.
7-8-2019 There’s nothing like a bit of reality hitting you and causing you to question things, to make you recognize why you’re doing what you’re doing. Today I realized that I hadn’t made as much money as I expected because of currency conversion rates (lesson learned) and it really made me question whether writing is the right path and if I should try teaching classes again. The answer I came to, with some help from my inner contacts is yes writing is your path along with the magical experimentation and no teaching isn’t it…it’ll take up too much time from what you love to do. And when I think about teaching I get this feeling that is decidely…ugh. I want to experiment, try new things, and make the world amazing. with what I discover. Teaching holds that up…it takes away from my creativity, so I got to trust that and trust that focusing my efforts on what really brings me to life is what matters.
7-11-2019 An intense working with Gabriel/Yesod/the moon/water. I did the sphere of art and then the mediation and could feel water working through me, dissolving blockages and opening up some creative outlets. I’ve been feeling blocked with my writing, but so much is happening this week with my books and work that I’m really starting to feel the flow again and this work presented that to me today and showed me how I could further dissolve the creative blockages.
7-14-2019 I’ve started re-reading the book on essentialism, because I’ve been feeling distracted in some ways from the important work of writing and magic and felt like I needed a refresher course. As I dive back into essentialism, something I realize again is that a distraction toward the trivial many can come from the notion that you should do something. Should, for me at least, is an indicator of the trivial many pushing me in a direction I don't want to go. It's that internal pressure which says you should be this way or do this thing because and often comes up with a reason, which can make sense, but nonetheless on a deeper level conflicts with the essential.
Case in point for me: There are times I feel I should teach classes, but when I really consider teaching classes, I find that I really don't enjoy teaching. It's taking away from my creativity, taking away from the activities that really inspire and drive me.
So really should I teach?
No, because it is part of the trivial many, the distraction from the primal movement and purpose that drives me and my work.
Some might say that it would be more practical to follow that should, but I would say that you should only give your should exactly what you must give them and nothing more! And if you are giving that in some capacity or another, then balance that trivial many with the essential few in favor of the essential few.
Maybe one day I'll teach magic again, maybe not. It's a distraction right now, a trivial many taking from the essential few and I already have enough of that right now, so really should I give anymore away?
7-15-2019 I was contacted out of the blue by an a family member I haven’t talked with in over 20 years. We’re estranged from each other and it was odd to receive a message from her apologizing for something that happened so long ago. I feel angry, thrown for a loop and everything else that accompanies such situations. Not really sure how to feel about it or why she decided to up and change her mind suddenly, but it does feel appropriate considering I’m working with Gabriel this month.I
7-19-2019 I have a phrase I say a lot now which is “Challenge what you know by discovering what you can learn.” It’s a reminder to myself to stay humble and focused on what I can learn, and it applies as much to my magical work as it does to my creative pursuits and really everything else in life. This month has helped me learn that lesson all over again several times over. I don’t know if i’ll ever stop learning that lesson, which is likely a good thing.
The work with Gabriel, the moon, Yesod, water, and love in relationship to creativity has been intense and has helped me recognize even further that writing and magic are the only things I need to focus on. Anything else, at least until I no longer work for someone else, is a distraction. I do hope to get back to some things eventually, such as the guitar, but writing is my path to freedom, so I can do those other things. Even then I plan on keeping what I do limited to only a few things, because knowing what is essential will serve me far better than getting wrapped up in distractions.