Some further thoughts on embodiment work

When I first learned about the paratheatre technique, one problem I had with it was that I felt there was something missing from the explanation of the embodied space. Well more than something...a number of things actually. First what was missing was a concrete explanation of how we move through space. It seems to me that most people take movement for granted and consequently move in a very unconscious manner. I've observed as well that people, in American culture move in a very linear line like manner, 2D movement really. We aren't taught to recognize how our bodies could move. I had to turn to Laban's work on movement to find a comprehensive manual that explored movement and showed possible ways to move that I hadn't considered before. Learning this kind of movement has proven useful for fully doing internal work with my body as an active component of that internal work (i.e. dance and performance art movements).

Second what was missing was understanding space from a social perspective. In general when the word space is brought up it usually makes one think of the darkness of space. But anthropologist Edward T. Hall explored the concept of social spaces and how people interact in them with each other and with objects in the room. As a result of reading his work I came to really understand how much we even embody objects with personification as a way of filling up space. The way a given culture sets up a physical space is indicative of how that culture processes space from an emotional/intellectual perspective, and also how people define themselves within given spaces.

With these two considerations of space in hand, it's been much easier to integrate paratheatre to my meditation work, because I now can consider how I move and how that movement expresses and changes an embodied space I've created, while also recognizing the cultural influences that shape my understanding of that space. Finally, and perhaps most important, I can be much more aware of how my body feels when I move, how it expresses the concept I'm working with through movement, and how that concept is or isn't expressed in my environment everyday.

Doing this work is creating some interesting realizations. I like where its taking me, as well as what I can learn about my body and the relationship I have with it and the environment around me, and how my body expresses the subconscious with its movement and interaction with space.

The need for innovation in magic

When we adhere to other people's rules and definitions of magic without questioning them or testing them, we become dogmatic and lose out on innovation. For magic to be an effective practice, we need to question all definitions and practices, with an eye toward improving our magical practice and also toward improving magic as a whole.

Embodiment magic

A while back I'd written about some of my experiences with Laban, a form of physical movement. My main purpose for studying Laban was to learn more about the spatial realities of the body as well as how it moves through space, something I considered essential for really getting the methodology of paratheatre, which Antero Alli writes about quite a bit. Since I don't have access to Mr. Alli's classes on paratheatre, utilizing Laban, which admittedly provides a much better explanation of physical movement through space, proved essential for being able to integrate paratheatre into my magical practice. Recently I decided to try out my first paratheatre ritual. I've recently been doing some internal work around intimacy and my issues with being intimate and also being in relationships (friendship or otherwise) where there wasn't much intimacy. I thought it might be useful to embody intimacy or at least try to, using paratheatre. I felt that integrating my body fully into the embodiment was essential for really communicating with my subconscious about intimacy and the issues surrounding it.

I felt very vulnerable when I invoked intimacy into my state of no-form and began to move. In a sense I felt like a child, innocent and unsure of myself, experiencing something for myself that I wasn't really certain of. Intimacy for me involved opening up and so I initially started out very shielded in how I positioned my arms and legs and gradually I began to loosen them and from that loosened my body up further, gradually allowing myself to feel a state of what I would consider to be gentle warmth. Sometimes I would hug myself or gently touch my shoulder or leg. I wasn't striving to be sensual, and I didn't feel that way. But I did feel intimate with myself in a manner that invited myself to be gentle and loving.

As I experienced this feeling of intimacy I paid attention to thoughts, feelings, and whatever else came to my experience that would help me communicate with my issues around intimacy. I learned quite a bit about how I sometimes make it hard to accept what someone wants to give, but also how much I've picked relationships with people (friends and lovers) that didn't necessarily invite intimacy into my life.

When I was ready, I put myself back into no-form and grounded the sensation and feeling of intimacy...but after the working I also felt more comfortable when my partner offered it to me, and also was more aware of what has informed my tendency to fantasize about intimacy. I'll definitely be using paratheatre in the future for some of my internal work, and I have to say that learning about Laban really did help with integrating paratheatre into my magical practice.

A memoriam to Isaac Bonewits

I only met Isaac Bonewits a few times in my life, but each time I met him I was struck by his humor and intelligence, and a willingness to question his own beliefs and theories as well as others. What I count as one of my favorite moments was meeting him at Gathering of the Tribes and getting the opportunity to speak with him at some length. In fact, he even invited me back to his trailer and we chatted for a couple hours about magical theory and practice. Given that he was busy writing a book and preferred at least some alone time, I am and was very grateful. The discussion we had was one that allowed me to clarify a lot of my thoughts about my approach to magic. I also felt very honored when he wrote at some length about one of my experiments in one of his books. I have a lot of respect for Isaac. But what I also appreciated was the humor and humanity of him. While I can't say I knew him well, my interactions with him were ones that moved back and froth from seriousness to humor. I wish I'd had more opportunities to speak with and even work with him, but I'm grateful for those moments I did have, as I imagine many other people are. Isaac gave a lot to the community and now he's moving on. I wish him the safest journey and bow to him in respect for his works and ideas. I also wish condolences to his family.

Recognizing and changing patterns

I was talking with Kat recently about patterns, specifically the patterns of behavior each person has, as well as the patterns that occur between people. It seems to me that each person does have specific patterns of behavior that they act out, and also have specific patterns of behavior that occur in the relationships...kind of a behavior DNA, but some of these patterns will occur with any partner, because people will seek out people that fit the level of chaos and dysfunction within their lives. These patterns can change, but usually involve doing some internal work that helps you identify the root cause of the behavior. Occasionally they'll also change because a catalyst will enter your life and the shock of that experience will cause a change in the pattern. Some patterns of behavior are good and some are dysfunctional. One of the ways you can recognize a pattern of behavior and analyze is to look at the overall history of your life for patterns of behavior you've acted out. For example, one pattern of behavior I had until the mid twenties was a tendency to try and date people I knew would reject me. What those people got out of that pattern I can't speak to, but for me it was based on a root belief of abandonment and figuring it was better to know I'd be rejected then take an actual risk, and in an odd way this behavior makes sense, but it doesn't lead to a lot of happiness.

One of the best ways to discover patterns in your life that you don't like is to identify what you regret. The emotion of regret usually indicates that you've done something you'd like to change, but spending some time looking at the circumstance(s) can help you identify the pattern of behavior. Once you've identified it, you need to trace it back to the root experience. It's in that experience that the behavior pattern was first formed and its in that experience that it needs to be resolved, because the pattern of behavior is based off the reasoning of that initial pattern. At the same time its useful to also revisit other iterations of the pattern and find resolution for those moments as well. By finding resolution you can conclusively change the behavior. To find resolution, its useful to do a pathworking meditation where you revisit the moments where the pattern of behavior showed up and then changed what happened with new behavior that you want to act on.

We are only at the whims of our respective behaviors if we choose to do nothing about them. Once we consciously recognize a behavior that is unhealthy, it is our responsibility to change that behavior instead of continuing to act it out. And once it has changed, life does seem to get better and simpler.

Pan's Labyrinth and Rules of Magic

I recently saw Pan's Labyrinth and one scene in particular that stood out to me was where the girl was looking for a key and there were specific rules she had to follow and if she didn't follow those rules, she could die. She did, in fact, break the rules, and the monster almost got her, but she had chalk and she was able to use it to open another door and escape. The reason was because even though she broke a rule, she understood all the rules and so she could use another rule to get her out of the situation she'd put herself in. To truly be able to experiment in magic, you need to understand the rules so you know which ones you can break and which ones you can bend, and which ones should just be followed. And make no mistake, magic does have its own rules. In fact, you can find some common rules in studying even seemingly disparate practices. But the beauty of magic is that's it something you can also change, if you know the rules.

In fact, rules themselves get changed as people's understanding of what they are doing becomes more nuanced. It's fair to say that rules are ultimately interpretations of how actions should be done, and as such are always subject to revision. What makes a rule effective is the willingness of a person to subscribe to what the rule says. Watch the video below to learn more:

Video: Internal work and Definitions

As I continue to explore the role of definitions in magic, I've also applied them to internal work, with the specific understanding that any given issue brings with it definitions of the reactions a person will take when the issue comes up. The video below goes into more depth about this:

The illusion of control

I've been doing some internal work lately and one of the issues that has arisen has been about control, specifically the control a person has in his/her imagination vs the control s/he has in reality. If a person feels that s/he has no control over circumstances in his/her life, there can be, sometimes, a tendency to utilize imagination to create scenarios where a person has complete control, but when you replicate those scenarios in life, you find out you actually don't have that much control. I'm one of those people who's had that realization at times, and when this happens its usually a good indicator that I'm reacting against the lack of control I felt I was dealing with. Problem being that even when I acted out the scenario I still didn't have control and if anything it was emphasized how little control I had, in regards to myself. I recognized this particular pattern of behavior recently when I started examining how I've used imagination to provide a feeling of control as it pertains to my sexual identity. And I've realized that this issue goes to the core of my sexual identity, back to when I was raped, because I had no control then. It's replicated itself in the relationships I've been in, but until now I never fully acknowledged how much my tendency to fantasize has come about as a direct result of my initial experience, and a desire to have control as a safety mechanism to protect me from having such an experience again.

Yet no fantasy can really replace life or the experience of it...and there's much less control in the experience of life, and under the right circumstances much less need as well for such control. In fact, it seems to me that the need for control is a result of the lack of self-control a person has (something which is his/her own responsibility), though it can also arise from a situation where a person was made to feel s/he had no control. As I continue to do my internal work and take responsibility for the different dysfunctions of my own life, I find that I need less control of anything else, because I have control of my responses and as long as I have that, then control of anything else ceases to matter. Or rather, more to the point, by taking control of my choices and actions, I can choose how to handle situations and be grounded in that, regardless of how things turn out. In the end the only control you do have is that which you exert over your actions, and your ability to consequently navigate through situations by understanding what you can choose to contribute or not to them.

What do you think?

Book Review: Wonders of the Natural Mind by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche

I highly recommend this book as an excellent introduction to the Bon tradition of Tibet. In this book the author explains what the Bon tradition is and how it differs from Buddhist beliefs and practices. The author explores in depth the foundational beliefs and practices of the Bon tradition while also explaining how they can be meaningfully applied to the life of the practitioner. What I like is that its also clear that this tradition has its own perspective on emptiness, which I found useful for getting a new perspective on it. Overall, I recommend this book for anyone serious about doing internal work.

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Why therapy needs to complement internal work

I've been starting to do some internal work on an issue that was brought to my attention by my significant other. I also decided to book an appointment with my therapist. Back when I was doing the Emptiness working, my ex told me near the beginning of it that she needed me to go see a therapist as I worked through it, because it was clear to her that I was digging through a lot of emotional wounds. She was right. Since that time I've realized that while doing internal work is important, having someone to go to share that work with who isn't emotionally involved is also equally important. An objective perspective can help you keep on track and also help you deal with the rough times that inevitably occur as you deal with the internal work. A therapist can provide that, provided s/he understands the kind of work you are doing.

It is important to explain what kind of mediation you are doing, how it works etc., so that you can provide some context for how you are arriving at the conclusions you have.

The therapist I go to has been invaluable for raising perspectives and helping me understand some of the emotions that have arisen as I've dealt with my internal issues. The meditation I do has helped me unearth those issues, but having the therapist available has helped me make sense of them and come to a place of resolution with them. So if you're doing a lot of internal work, it can be useful to also see a therapist in conjunction with the work you do.

Working with the monkey mind

One the issues that comes up in mediation is what Buddhists call Monkey Mind. It's that troublesome voice that starts saying random messages to you and distracts you from meditating. For people who are trying to achieve a state of no mind, the monkey mind is particularly troublesome because its a reminder that your mind isn't in a place of no-mind. What sometimes occur is that people will attempt to repress the monkey mind, but this usually makes it come back swinging. There's a reason for that: It's trying to tell you something. Instead of repressing the monkey mind, which is ultimately a futile effort, it's better to work with it. And by that I mean it's better to start a dialogue with it. When it brings up a random issue, ask it why it brought up and start exploring it mentally. You'll usually find that it leads you to a source of stress and concern in your life. So you can continue to try and ignore that source of stress or you can work with the monkey mind to resolve the source of stress. Mind you, the monkey mind will raise lots of questions and concerns, but that's why it's there. It's a filter, an agitator, and it won't go away until you've addressed its concerns.

When I work with my monkey mind, I use it as a detector of issues that are bothering me. Sometimes its helped me discover some really deep issues, such as my fear of emptiness and most recently a tendency to fantasize in order to fulfill intimacy needs. And that's what makes the monkey mind so useful. It challenges me to be aware of my issues instead of trying to ignore them.  I like that because then I can proactively work on those issues via meditation instead of letting them build up and be acted out in my life. So the monkey mind is actually your friend, not your enemy. Make friends with it and find out what it can teach you.

Clothing, magic, and identity

The other night I got into a conversation with a friend about how clothing can be used to help a person fit into a community. The way I see it is clothing is another tool in your magical arsenal that you can use. We use clothing everyday and we also look at how other people are using clothing to determine if those people fit in with our respective outlook. I think of clothing as a symbol, and an indicator of a lot of other information about person. That person over there? She's wearing a business suit, so she's either working in a corporate job, or is a self-employed entrepreneur. That person over there, he's wearing a pair of denim jeans, work boots, and a t-shirt. He's either working in construction, or in a tech company. Now the only problem with what I've just written is that we're judging what those people do (and to a lesser extent who they are) by the clothes they wear and we could be completely wrong...and yet people do this all the time, and the enterprising magician is aware of this and has clothing for different occasions, in order to fit in with whatever type of situation s/he is in...or stand out as the occasion warrants. Watch the video below, where I discuss this more and then tell me what you think. Do you use clothing in your magical work, and if so, what do you do?

Cell communication

In developing a system of magic that is focused specifically on the body, one of the challenges has always been how do you actually communicate with the medium you are working with. Since the human body is the medium, it's not enough to recognize you have a body, which anyone can do. To work with the medium of the body necessarily involves first being able to experience it on all the levels of the medium and second being able to communicate on all the levels. In Hands of Light, by Barbara Ann Brennan, she presents a technique where you can experience your body on a cellular level. You meditate and narrow your consciousness down to the level of a cell and then travel throughout the body as the cell, experiencing the different organs of the body as a result. The process works and its a useful way to experience the body.

The next level then is to actually communicate with the body. There are some Taoist breathing techniques that focus on helping a person remove negative emotional energy from organs. That's a step toward communication, but still not quite what we want.

My own approach toward this particular issue has involved syncing with the bio-photonic energy emitted by a cell and then using that sync to communicate with other cells. I'm not communicating with words, or even emotions. I'm communicating with impressions, specifically impressions that the cells are providing to me. It's not the same as verbal communication...it's much more subtle, and yet it can tell you a lot about your body. For example, what you might learn is not just where emotional tension is, but also if there are physical health issues (usually the two are linked). Consequently using these impressions can help you deal with health situations preemptively. The trick is to actually trust the impressions enough to get them checked on (via medical services), as well as developing processes (magical) that allow you to go in and begin healing yourself. The impressions you receive can also be used to help you do preventative health measures.

Seems to me that communication with the body is one of the frontiers that we still have, one that's mostly ignored because humans take it for granted that having a body is enough, and yet there are so many processes that for the most part remain unknown. To me, communicating with the body, with the cellsi n the body is the first step to exploring that frontier.

Video blog: Definitions and Magic

In this video blog, I discuss definitions and their relationship with magic in further detail.

Meditation on anger

Over the last couple of days I've been paying particular attention to the emotion of anger in regards to several situations in my life. Today as I was driving to different appointments, I started to dialogue with myself about both situations and the anger I felt toward each person. In one case the person is someone I don't really know, but his actions have hurt someone I care about, and in the other case, it's someone I've been close to and I think the anger is a natural byproduct of what's happened between us. The two situations seem dissimilar, and are on the surface, but its underneath where in fact there is a lot in common. I came to the conclusion today that my anger was really a reaction to a feeling of not having control of either situation. By reacting with anger, I provided myself an illusion of control, if only in the feeling of anger, but conversely I also felt even less in control because clearly I was reacting to each situation. The anger was my attempt to have control and I realized the real issue wasn't anger, but rather feeling of control or lack thereof.

I started to dissect each situation, realizing in one situation that my involvement was best left to being on the side and trusting the person I care for to handle the situation, while also providing support as needed.

In the second case, it is more complicated, because I realized that this feeling of not having control went back quite a way, and that the most recent iteration of it involved realizing that I hadn't felt like I had much control over what was taken by the person. It gave me some room for thought in terms of whether or not I had relinquished that control, as well as what control means in relationships, or doesn't mean. I think what I realized most is that I likely needed to speak up more, but also realize just how stifled I've felt. Some of that's on me, most of it really.

Rarely is the surface emotion the actual emotion that's being dealt with. I might feel anger, but underneath the real issue was control or lack thereof. I look at situations where I feel emotions and I acknowledge what I feel, but I want to dig down further and find out what's really going on. I don't think of anger as the reason for what I feel, but rather a reaction to the reason. The same can be said of fear or sadness, love, or happiness. Finding out what's underneath the surface emotion can tell you a lot about the actual problem and what your own contribution to it is.

Short notes

A Note about Definitions and Meaning My post about definitions could easily also apply to the word models. The word models is used a lot in magic theory. There is the spiritual model, the psychological model, the model for this or the model for that. But I don't think definitions are really models. I do think models are metaphors that attempt to categorize magic, whereas I think definitions are less about categorization and more about making meaning, or maybe even making connection through meaning. You can't really have connection if some kind of meaning isn't involved and definitions are all about meaning, the establishment of it as the way to understand what's around and within.

A Note about Immanion Press

I'm still involved in Immanion Press. At one point, in the winter, I gave some serious thought to leaving Immanion Press as the managing editor and heading for the hills as it were, but then the divorce happened and I figured that was a big enough change in my life. The purpose of Immanion Press, as it applies to occult books, is to publish the books other publishers won't touch and/or reprint what's out of print. And I think we've published some great books by some great authors and I hope we continue to.

What isn't realized, I think, is that for all intents and purposes Immanion Press is volunteer run. I don't really get paid for doing the editing, layout, or managing of other editors. It's a lot of work and it's mostly a labor of love, save on those occasions when it can become a labor of hate.

I won't be at the Esoteric Book Conference this year representing Immanion Press. Lupa will be there, and you can buy books from the press through her. I have mixed feelings on how much I will represent the esoteric book line in the future, since I no longer do any of the distribution for it, beyond my own books. I'll still do the managing editor part, but I figure it's time to focus on myself a bit more, which includes finishing some writing I've been working on, so I actually have a justifiable reason to show up at a conference.

Review of Sacred Kink by Lee Harrington

What I most enjoyed about this book was Lee's efforts to provide detailed information about each path and create a framework for people from multiple belief systems to engage in the incorporation of kink to their spirituality. Lee's expertise as both a sex educator and spiritual teacher shows through in this book time and time again. He provides excellent examples and also useful definitions for understanding each path. I found a lot in this book that I know I can apply to my own spiritual practices and I think anyone else would find a similar treasure trough.

5 out of 5

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Definitions, definitions, it's all definitions

The more I focus on definitions, the more I realize how integral they are to any sense of self and identity a person has. We define everything to not only explain everything, but also provide structure and environment for ourselves, to create a sense of place in the universe, little realizing just how constructed all of it is. Truth seems to be that the majority of definitions used were created by someone else, and there's a kind of blind adherence to these definitions, without really questioning them. Maybe it's the belief that "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" I see the belief as being one of the primary blockers of innovation change. "You're reinventing the wheel." I've heard that one a number of times because I decided I'd question definitions. At least it is MY wheel.

Definitions seem to be integral to magical activity and theory as well. And I'm not talking about trotting out the rather tired definition of magic that Crowley belched out years and years ago. I'm talking instead of the realization that definition is an integral key for providing the framework through which an action can occur. No definition and you don't have an action, because there is an absence of environment for that action to occur in. Definitions provide structure, environment, a call to action. But they provide more than that as well. They provide insight into the unconscious, into the deepest layers of a person, and what makes that person tick. Definitions are the basis by which we make sense of reality.

Video Blog Magic and Identity part 2

In this video I explore the concept of identity further and how it relates to magical work. I discuss definitions and their role in forming identity.

video blog: Identity and magic part 1

In this video I discuss the connection between identity and magic, as well as why the concept of identity needs to be explored in further depth in order to understand the process of magic.

The key to wealth magic

The key to wealth magic is this: Its less about using magic, and a lot more about learning how to manage money, develop and strengthen relationships, and understand that money isn't the only currency you have access to. Now let me unpack that statement for you. I noticed there were a couple other posts about wealth magic recently, and as someone who's started my own business and has managed to keep it running for just over two years, as well as helping to run a small occult press (Immanion Press), I thought I'd offer my own perspectives on wealth magic.

Money Management: I've always been good at managing money for the short term, but I first really learned about managing money for long term life plans when I did a year of work with the element of Earth. Not surprisingly, money became a major theme of that year. The first lesson I learned about money management is that your attitude and beliefs about money affect your spending choices and how you approach money in general. If you have a negative attitude about money you'll be less likely to actually look at your financial situation and start managing it.

I ended up doing a fair amount of internal work with my beliefs about money that year and I've continued to do so since then. The result has been an increased awareness of how to manage my money for the long term, as well as a willingness to discuss financial issues with my family and with financial advisers.

Alongside with changing my internal beliefs, I also developed tracking tools that I used to stay on top of what I'm spending my money on as well as what I can save. It gives me an accurate picture of what my spending habits are, which can be eye-opening to say the least. If you want to learn more about money management, I highly recommend reading the Get Rich Slowly blog.

Social Capital: Money isn't the only form of capital in wealth magic. Social capital can sometimes go a lot further than monetary capital. As a business owner one of the skills I've had to learn is how to build relationships with a wide variety of people. In fact, people won't do business with you unless they either really need your product or service and can't find it anywhere else (rare that this happens), or what happens more often...if someone refers that person to you, because s/he trusts you to take care of that person. People do business with people they trust...so who trusts you?

Trust is hard to earn and easily lost, and not surprisingly you really have to get involved in a community and get to know people to truly be accepted and get business from those people. And even if you're not a business owner, this concept about relationship building still applies. Getting to know people really involves learning what those people need and then helping them out, regardless of what pay off you will or won't get. And guess what? If you get involved in a community and work to build relationships and are consistent in fulfilling your promises to that community, then that community will look out for you. I saw this in action at a chamber of commerce meeting where a member generously offered to donate one of his kidney's to another member's wife who needed the kidney. They had the same blood type...more importantly the member who offered to donate the kidney did so because he wanted to help his friend. You can't buy that kind of help...not with money anyway.

Go to your local chamber of commerce meeting and you'll see social capital at work...and let me tell you that social capital is a lot more powerful than any wealth magic spell.

Those are the keys to wealth magic: Financial management and social capital.

cell magic update

I've been teaching my student about working with the cells of the body and also with the organs of the body. And as the teacher teaches, so too should s/he be learning and revising what s/he is doing. Because I'm working with her, it's allowing me to revisit these techniques in more depth. It also tells me that perhaps I should take students on more often, if only as a means of getting myself more involved in my own work past the experimentation stage. It's not that I don't continue to use the methods, but I don't use them as much, because I'm onto the next experiment. With the cell work, the focus has been on helping her learn to communicate with her body. Some of this has focused on communicating with different organs, but of late we've focused on communicating with a cell and our next step will be to use that cell to communicate with other ones. The benefit of this work is severalfold. For one thing you get in much better touch with your body, and what it needs, something people ignore all too often. The second benefit is in terms of healing, both yourself and other people, because you can learn quite a bit about the body's natural healing systems and then use those systems consciously to heal yourself faster. You also can help other people with their healing efforts, if you know what to boost when healing them.

To me that's the entire point of learning to work with your body consciously. How better than to improve your health and help other people. I don't, admittedly, think its replacement for getting medical services if you need them, but there's something to be said for learning to work with your body and learning to live with it a lot more consciously than I think most people do. Your entire body is a living being, not just the mind that happens to direct some of the activity.