Some Thoughts on Temporal Pacing

On the way down to Pantheacon, I drove down the 101 along the Oregon Coast. It's a beautiful, beautiful drive, but as I kept driving to where we were going to say for the night, I got to reflecting how my drive was in one sense a journey into the unknown, because I didn't know when I would get to our destination for the night. There was this sense of anticipation, but also a subtle tension of wondering when will we get there. I actually feel the same way when I play a video game for the first time. I don't know how long the game will actually be. I am playing it and heading toward an unknown destination and I won't know the journey, how long the game will take, until I reach the final credits. The same is true with a ritual or technique you learn. The first time is a journey into the unknown, heightened by the factor of time.

Once you driven the route or played the game or done the ritual once, the unknown is changed. It becomes known, partially by your experience of it, but partially because you can also fit it into a temporal pace. You know how long it will take, when you'll be where doing what. You know the time of it and that changes the experience because you have a different sense of where you are and what you are doing. It is simultaneously an experience where some of the unknown is gone, and yet what is known is still an illusion, because what you know is now based on expectation and recognition, which can be misleading.

And there's something to be noted about how time is conceptualized according to distance. We talk about distance in terms of hours traveled, but by the same token, time is also conceptualized by the distance driven. When I reach that spot, I'll know I've spent X amount of time driving. The same even applies to reading a book or playing a game. Whether we realize it or not we use our previous experience as an indicator of how much time is passed, yet again this is misleading, because the sense of time passed is based on your experience of distance traveled, game played, etc, and yet different people can have different experiences of time doing those same activities.

This is only important in the sense that we should never just buy-in to our experiences of life...or the elements that define life, such as time, or space. The experience is subjective and unless we question it and explore it, we run the risk of missing out on the unknown. We take the known for granted and yet what is known is an experience...not the reality.

Book Review: Thinking through the Body by Richard Schusterman

This was an intriguing book that explored the discipline of Somaaesthetics, or the aesthetics of the body. The author discussed the aesthetics in relationship to style, architecture, Japanese Noh theatre, muscle memory, to name just a few of the topics. The book is a dense, academic read, but well worth the effort as it explores the body through a variety of mediums. I found myself thinking about and experiencing my body with new perspectives as a result of reading this book. I'd recommend it if you are interested in developing a better relationship with your body, or want to learn more about this niche academic discipline.

Why Imagination is essential to magical work

 

Kat and I are reading The Miracle Tree by R. J. Stewart. There is a chapter in it, which he devotes to the topic of imagination. I like his definition of imagination, in part because its similar to my own, and acknowledges that imagination is a very real element of magic. I think of imagination as the composite super consciousness of all living beings linked together. He calls that the imagination of the universe which works for me. I think that when a person accesses imagination, s/he is accessing this superconsciousness. I suppose the best evidence of that is found where a person will invent something and someone else who s/he doesn't know will also invent it as well. The imagination works through people to bring forth new visions of reality.

And when a person works with his/her imagination s/he is accessing all the creativity that is available, but also the limitations of what people can conceptualize. At the same time the imagination could also be that place where we meet the spirits, a middle ground that they use to present a face to us, and that we use to discover more about them. I think of the astral plane as a good example of that latter idea. It's an experience which is based in the imagination, imo, and we shape it they way you can shape your imagination, but it's also more than that. Maybe the astral plane is one of the more "physical" representations of imagination.

Whatever you think about imagination, the truth is we use it a lot in magic. Visualization, for instance, is an application of imagination. When you visualize that piece of fruit, smell, taste, touch, and hear it, you are imagining it, which doesn't mean its a fantasy...It's a vivid experience that you have.

Still you might wonder what the difference is between fantasy and imagination. Fantasy is another form of imagination, albeit one usually caught up in specific desires. I think of fantasy as non-applied imagination. It's something you day dream about, but it's not the application of imagination to reality, so much as a desire to escape reality. People flee to fantasy to get away from something or to lose themselves in an experience. Applied imagination, on the other hand, always has some level of practical application involved. If you are writing a business plan for example you are using your imagination to help you visualize what the business will be and then you taking action, which starts the process of manifesting imagination into reality.

Imagination is possibility and what a person does is filter all those possibilities into something concrete and then s/he starts the process of applying it to reality. Imagination is the zero, entropic in a way because until action is taken its just endless possibility, but no reality. But imagination is essential to magical work and life in general because it provides us the forum in which we can visualize a different reality. If you had no imagination, you'd have no incentive or creativity to make change happen.

Here's a link to my latest radio interview from Pagan Propensities.

The Space/Time Magic Weekend intensive is happening soon!

The Space/Time Magic Weekend intensive is happening on the Weekend of March 30th and 31st. We will meet from 10am to 5pm each day at Essential Elements located at 7704 SE 13th Ave  Portland, OR 97202 Over the course of each day you will learn the Space/Time Magic system. This is a system that doesn't interfere with any tradition you are part of, and in fact can enhance your spiritual work. You will learn the following when you take this class:

• A detailed exploration of the elements of space and time and how they apply to magic.
• Space/Time Magic sigil techniques that you can use to stack the odds in your favor and manifest the possibilities you want into reality.
• Introduction to the Web of Space and Time.
• Space/Time Meditation practices that you can use to connect with alternate versions of yourself as well as your past and future selves.
• Connection with Space/Time Inner Contacts who will guide you in your continued work with the Space/Time Magic System
• And much more!

If you sign up before the 25th of March the class is only $180. If you sign up after it is $220. This class is part of the Way of the Magician Mystery School curriculum.

Have question or want to sign up? Contact me.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Movement Month 4

1-23-13 I'm filled with self-loathing today, of an intensity I haven't felt since over 3 years ago. I'd say that for the most part I'm generally not filled with self-loathing, but occasionally it happens, especially when I let someone down. Anyway I'm filled with it and I tried to exercise today. I managed to exercise, but it was probably one of the hardest sessions, because I didn't feel into it in the way I do when I'm happy. If anything I felt kind of nauseous and heavy and unbalanced. I did the movements, but I had more trouble focusing on them. The part of myself that I consider to be the magician observed all of this with fascination, making mental notes that I could later share here, but the rest of me just felt so much pain and anger toward myself, and guilt over feeling like a burden.

I think about what I wrote earlier today, in the last entry for month 3, about how the recognition that you aren't moving or that you are moving very slowly can help you recognize obstacles in your life. I feel like I am the biggest obstruction to my own movement sometimes. I think if you're aware enough, you inevitably recognize that at least some of the non movement in your life is caused by yourself and your own dysfunctions. And as much as I make progress, sometimes I am just slogging through as best I can. Today is one of those days. I am grateful that this kind of day is rare now. There was a period of time where a day like this was something I experienced pretty much every day. I don't feel this way normally...but the next time I do I don't think I'll exercise that day.

1-24-13 My self-loathing culminated in a fever. I was sick all of last night...aches and a high temperature. It was a purging of all these emotions I was feeling, aided by a cathartic discussion with Kat about the issues at hand. This morning the fever was gone, as were any of the emotions. I felt like a new person, released from what I'd felt. New possibilities seemed to show up through the day. Sometimes the way to move something is to simply experience head on and fully embody it...not pleasant, but afterwards its purged.

1-26-12 So much for not being sick. I managed to break the fever on Thursday because I basically drew on internal resources to do it. I adrenalined my way over it, which lasted until Friday night, when I didn't need to be social anymore. So I'm sick again and just trying to rest, hoping it'll be gone by Monday, which is another busy, busy day.

2-1-13 I've been thinking about creativity and sexuality, and how they are expressions of a person's life energy, but also how they can effect each other. Too much of one expression can lead to a dissolution of the other. I have been reviewing my periods of creativity and I've noticed that I'm at my most creative when my sexual energy is focused and at my least creative when my sexual energy is unfocused. This has helped me understand periods of non-creativity and also helped me appreciate the relationship I'm in now. It's also made me realize how even minor interactions have been a distraction or spreading out of my energy. I want to focus my energy on what really matters, so I'm watching my interactions with more conscious intent, so that I can refocus on my goals and creative work.

2-06-13 I've been noticing that as I do the Tae bo exercises there's a point where I'm not really doing them so much as being them. I'm not trying to exercise, so much as I'm falling into and becoming the motion of the exercise. I relax into the exercise, into the motions and the exercise experience changes as a result. I feel more present with my body and feel an intimate sense of connection with each motion that consequently makes me feel really good. The effort is there, but it's not me acting on my body, so much as aligning with it. I've never had that experience before, but I think its come about because of the work with movement as an element. I'm more consciously aware of each movement and how it makes my body, my being feel as it resonates throughout me.

2-7-13 Sometimes movement is really about intuition and more specifically what intuition is providing in the way of information. I got this intuition earlier today that the next couple of weeks would be important for my businesses. We'll see what happens, but in general my intuition seems to be spot on and I could just feel this movement, this awareness of movement for my life.

2-10-13 Kat and I have been reading Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships, which discusses the topic of grievance at some length. The other night I realized that by holding on the grievances of past relationships that I was still involved in those relationships. It doesn't matter if I haven't seen or talked to the person in a while. By being emotionally engaged with that person I am still in a relationship of sorts, albeit a toxic one that doesn't benefit me. I recognized this and it made me look at how my grievances carry those past relationships into my current one, which consequently then effects my interactions with Kat in ways that don't keep me present in my relationship with her. This realization really helped me look at some of my behaviors and choices in a new light, in a way that I think will help me account for when I am feeling a grievance of the past so that I can dismiss it and focus on the present.

2-12-13 Sometimes I feel like a failure as a business owner. I have clients who I've helped grow their business, but growing mine and making it viable seems to be out of reach. Than at other times I feel like I'm on top of the world and I actually get this whole business thing and know what I'm doing. From working with my clients, I know this is something every business owner feels. But at the same time I do feel alone as well. Being a business owner is lonely, because if you have people to commiserate with at some point you also have the reality of owning your business, with all the work that goes with it, to get back to as well. Kat reminds me that I rebranded my business last year, basically started over at square one, and on top of that really started to make magical experiments into a business as well. I just want it to get easier. And yeah I know I'm whining, but I'm allowed on occasion. I work my @$$ off for my businesses.

2-13-13 Today I'm feeling much better about business. It likely helped that I went to a networking event where I got a couple of ideas on how to enhance my business offerings, as well as meeting up with a few familiar faces. I do feel a current of movement happening...with both of my businesses. I'm trusting it and enhancing it because it is tipping the odds in my favor. And once I hit the tipping point, away I'll go.

2-14-13 A quick realization about grievance. I can hold grievance in a different space from the actual relationship I am in and recognize how grievance is influencing the relationship. When I choose to open up about my grievances and share them from a place of vulnerability, without applying them to the relationship I am in, I can help Kat understand them for what they are and we can work together to recognize and defuse them. I did that this morning with her and I was able to let myself feel the pain of that grievance without attaching it to our relationship. I felt much better afterwards. I also felt liberated by the process and feel that I can continue to use it to help me grow as a person, as well as in the relationships I am in.

2-16-13 Another realization about grievance. On a deep level grievance is something you use to justify why you are fucked up, why you are dysfunctional, why you are unloved. It says, "See here is all the supporting reasons to show you are unloved and unwanted." On a different note, I'm at Pantheacon, which always brings up a mixture of memories and emotions, as well as feelings about whether I really belong, or wondering where my community is. Why does it bring all that up? Likely because I feel like a fish out of water in some ways. I am not a partyer for instance so I don't find visiting the hospitality suites to be as much fun because most of the people are there to party. There is a lot of small talk that happens and small talk isn't what I want. I crave deep conversations, or doing magic, or something else along those lines and sometimes I get that...I just have to find the right hospitality suite. Kat and I ended up in the People of Color hospitality suite and got into a long conversation about privilege and some of the challenges the POC faced getting a hospitality suite. And afterwards I chatted with a fellow about his book idea and I'm looking forward to getting it.

And I've been observing other authors. The really successful ones like, Thorn Coyle and Christopher Penczak, have a community and teams of people to help them realize their vision. Thorn even has videos and I seek book release parties left and right for various authors. I realize what a deficit I am operating at. I've been going it alone for so long as an author, and to a large extent as a publisher as well. Kat and I have talked a bit about what we can do to change that and on the drive back to Portland we'll discuss it further, but even one of my authors expressed concern about the amount of work involved for me. I appreciated that.

Actually one of the highlights of pantheacon has been talking with several of my authors, ones from the beginning and more recent ones, who expressed appreciation for Immanion Press and the work we've done and how I and Storm have helped out. I felt deeply touched when one author told me that she couldn't even begin to express how much she appreciated my help and how much she felt I'd contributed to and influenced her community through the Immanion Press work I was doing. I needed to hear that. I really needed to hear it and hearing it really helped me feel acknowledged in a deep way. I admit that sometimes I feel stressed with the amount of work involved with Immanion (and to be fair Storm does even more), so getting acknowledgement is really important, especially because a lot of the work is essentially volunteer work. I don't get paid a salary to do what I do, but I'm doing the publishing for the love of the books and the community.

I also got to meet Ivo Dominguez, Jr. and do a book exchange with him. I was thrilled to talk with him, because I've found his blogs intriguing. I'm hoping we'll get to know each other better, and I'm appreciative of getting some time and just talking with him about publishing and magic. I even got a good suggestion from him about distribution. As an author myself, I always appreciate it when other authors make time for me. I know their time is valuable and it means a lot that they make the time.

2-20-13 The more I work with movement, the more I realize how easy it is to take it for granted. We move everyday, physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually, but the conscious appreciation of movement makes it very apparent just how integral movement is. Movement defines a person, the identity of the person, creates structure and realization of possibilities. I have moved a lot this month and my work with movement has helped me see how movement can lead to lots of possibilities, but also how movement can limit, under the right circumstances. I feel that purposeful movement can be as much a limitation as a possibility. If I choose to move this way I close one door, but also open others. And the significance of any move is at the same time much more personal than anything else. If I choose to only publish my books with Immanion for instance, it is a personal move made for specific reasons that most people may not care about unless I choose to say something...to move in another way, but even then such significance only really lasts in the life of the person doing the movement.

What's under the Mask?

The other day, in a teleconference call for the Process of Magic class I was asked if I thought a deity represented access to something beyond what it was in and of itself. It was an intriguing question and it prompted me to consider my own perspective/experiences of deities as well as what I've read in various books.

When I work with a spiritual entity of any sort, I recognize it's own existence in and of itself. But I've also noticed that various entities also represent specific functions. This is true not just for deities, but also Angels, Daimons, etc. On the one hand, this can be attributed to the need humans have to label what they deal with and/or be able to explain the usefulness of a particular entity. On the other hand, it could also be true that the particular entity really does represent those particular attributes and has presented itself to people accordingly in order to provide its knowledge to those people.

On a deeper level, however, I also think that any given spiritual entity represents access to something deeper than it, something that is so primal that it may not be easily understood or experienced. Jung's archetype theory applies here. In one sense Loki the trickster is his own entity, and yet in another sense Loki is a facet of a deeper spiritual force that is the trickster on a more primal level. And when we find other entities that have similar characteristics of the trickster, like Coyote, what we see on one level, are the masks of that deeper spiritual force. Coyote and Loki are still their own entities, but they are also representatives of that deeper spiritual force, or masks, if you will that provide a filter for the spiritual force and a face that is understandable to the people who are working or interacting with that energy.

It's also important to recognize that there is a cultural facet attached to the archetype. Even though Loki and Coyote might represent the Trickster, there are culture specific aspects which don't make them swapable for each other. In other words, Coyote will have different cultural characteristics that are suited specifically for the culture where he represents the trickster. However, with the cultural aspect accounted for there is enough similarity in terms of what the trickster does that we can see access to something deeper, something that is underneath the mask. The question is can we understand it?

I think whatever understanding is had occurs at a very primal level. It is something that makes sense, but not in a necessarily rational manner. And when you consider how rational people have become, how analytical they are, the necessity for having a mask is apparent because the mask is for the analytical, rational sides of ourselves that need something to cling to in order to understand and work with that deeper spiritual power.

Constant Change as a factor of magic

  One of the books I'm reading, Hide a Dagger Behind a Smile, explores how Chinese War strategies can be applied to business practices. The author even includes case studies that show how contemporary businesses have applied these practices to deal with competition and customers. It's an intriguing read, and one that got me to think about the element of change and magic, when the author noted that how Western and Eastern cultures approach change is different.

The author argues that Western culture takes a linear approach to change and considers it to be something that occurs between periods of rest. In other words, change occurs as a specific result/reaction and when change isn't needed, everything comes to rest. This is a very linear model and approach to change. Eastern culture, the author argues, takes a non-linear cyclical approach to change, with the recognition that change is always occurring and the idea being that the business ideally has plans in place not merely for the immediate future, but also down the line, with a proactive projection of trends.

Whether the author's claims are true or not (I'm inclined to agree with his assessment of how Eastern and Western cultures approach change) what I found important is that an effective approach to change recognizes that change is always occurring. In the Process of Magic course I actually include change as an element of the process and argue that we need to recognize change as a factor in its own right...not merely the change we want to make happen, but also changes that are occurring outside of our control and as a consequence of doing magic.

Change does occur all the time and the change can include things we for granted. Digestion of food is a change that we might not consider (unless we have an upset stomach or are on a diet). Change only becomes relevant when it effects us, unless we actually choose to proactively make change relevant. I prefer to make change relevant in my businesses and my life, because its something that is there. We change from moment to moment, even if most of the changes are subtle.

When I think about magic and change, what stands out to me is that Western Practical Magic does seem to mostly be done as a reaction to change. A problem crops up in your life and magic is done to manage or solve the problem. A change is caused to manage or solve the change that has occurred. Certainly when I look at my past work, before exposure to internal work, I see practical magic used to handle a problem and get back to a particular desired state of existence. I also recognize with hindsight that such an approach has limited effectiveness because it doesn't factor change in adequately enough to be truly effective.

However the integration of Eastern Meditation practices and magical work has "changed" my approach to magical work, and to change in general. I have slowly but surely become more proactive in how I approach change, and how I plan my life and business. Instead of trying to back to a desired state of status quo, I embrace change as a constant and accept that planning for it is essential in order to leverage practical magic as a meaningful asset for creating the kind of change I want to bring into my life and the world in general.

Looking for change and actively incorporating it into magic, while accepting that there will always be change that I'm not aware of or can't control, has been useful in developing a proactive to handle the latter forms of change (which at least can be anticipated), while also making the former forms of change into a useful tool that aids the magical work I do. Change is a reality of life...one of the few constants that will always be there. I think that factoring it into the magical work you do, and proactively accounting for it is important in order for magic, as a discipline, to evolve.

Non-attachment and desire

I've been re-reading Relaxing into Your Being by B. K. Frantzis and redoing some of the exercises. I find that it can be easy to take exercises for granted if you do them long enough without really checking in on the source material you drew them from. In my latest reading of this book, the author made a point about how you can cultivate non-attachment and still feel desire and passion for life. I thought it was an interesting point and he further clarified by explaining that when you feel attachment to specific outcomes, what you feel is a reaction to the attachment, something that is obsessively pursued for the sake of the attachment as opposed to genuine appreciation or passion. And I find from my own experiences that this is indeed the case. I have been obsessive at times in my pursuit of specific experiences, in a reactive, non-reflective way that has been more about trying to satisfy an urge as opposed to really being present and understanding the urge. And my pursuit has always left me feeling unsatisfied and more empty than before and yet I have continued on as if the next experience will somehow be different. It never has been.

This is why I've made some changes in my life that I never would have entertained before a couple of years ago. I've come to recognize over time that so much of my behavior has been habitual behavior focused on trying to satisfy an attachment. And all this as really provided me is a sense of loneliness and emptiness that has left me more hungry, more starving, like a Hungry ghost, with a tiny mouth and a bloated belly that can never get enough, and is compulsive about trying to get something, anything, into its belly, without really savoring what it is having. I have recognized these behaviors in my sexual appetites and in my eating habits, and I haven't liked the results or the person I have been.

My choice to recognize attachment and obsession for what it is and then to step away from it and cultivate non-attachment hasn't been easy. It's been on-going work for almost ten years, and in all that time I feel like I've only really begun to make progress in the last couple years as a result of making some lifestyle changes. And yet I find that making those changes hasn't deprived me of the joy or passion that I can feel. I still love to write and paint and practice magic. And I still enjoy food and sex. If anything I enjoy them more because I am no longer pursuing them obsessively, but instead I am choosing to be mindful, to appreciate my experiences, but not be attached to the feelings around the experience. And I am continuing to cultivate non-attachment because it is helping me be more mindful of of my environment and other people.

I don't associate passion with attachment precisely because it is possible to feel passion and not be attached. When I paint a painting, I feel passion for the act of painting and enjoy it as an expression of creativity. I don't feel attachment because it's not something I feel a "need" to do. And I recognize that if I feel a "need" to do something that I should examine that need closely and ask what it really is. Is it a compulsion, something I am doing to try and fill something or is is it a genuine need that needs to be addressed? There is a distinct difference and understanding that difference helps immensely when dealing with attachments. And I recognize that passion, when healthy is a joyful expression of life that doesn't drive a person so much as it supports him/her in the experience.

A couple examples of Wealth Magic in my life

I ask each week for questions people have about magic. I received two questions this week, but they are both good ones. Here's the first one: Since you're working on a new book on the subject of Wealth Magic, do you have any examples of works of wealth magic you've done in the past that have returned positive results?

I'm going to share two examples, both of which will appear in the forthcoming book. The first example is a recent working I participated in. I was asked to create a sigil for a sigil game on a Facebook group. I actually created five sigils and linked them together. The people involved in the experiment agreed to charge and fire the sigils in their own unique way. I chose to let them do the charging, though I also saved the original sigils to do a firing of my own. The actual sigil game got extended an extra month which told me the sigils were already working, because one of my desires was for the game to be extended long enough to get enough people to charge it and fire the sigils.

The sigils were designed to provide benefits to the people charging and firing them, most notably in areas of their lives where they needed changes in identity or needed to do internal work. And for me the focus of the sigils was on bringing some wealth to my life in terms of income and in providing information that would suggest a way to help me grow my business more effectively than had occurred to date. There was also one other purpose, which I'm not going to reveal at this time, but I'll know in the near future if matters have turned in my favor and I'll share it then. I fired the sigils a couple weeks ago.

People who participated in the game reported working on aspects of their identity where they needed to work on them, and noted that they felt a push to change those aspects of themselves. On my end, several speaking gigs were lined up, which turned into some extra work, but also provided me the information I needed to tweak my business model. I have a much better idea of my target clientele as a result and I'm already starting to network at meetings which will connect me to those people.

The second example involves the creation of a series of drawings that have been used to evoke planetary energy into my life for the purposes of wealth. I worked with the planetary energies and received a personalized symbol for each planet. I then created drawings for each symbol and used the drawings to evoke the energy of the planets. I actually switch the drawings on different days, to create a specific current of planetary energy for a day or a period of time that influences the business activities I'm doing. I've noticed that the character of a given day and the interactions I have seem to be impacted by the switching of one planetary energy for another. It's an on-going experiment. Those are a couple examples, but there's more in the book and you can also find an example of two in Manifesting Prosperity.

The second question was: What are the practical differences between NLP, Scientology, and Magick?

I can't speak in regards to Scientology, having never read or gotten into that particular system ( and with no desire to either). As for practical differences between NLP and magic...What I understand of NLP indicates to me a system that is used to alter behavior in people, specifically to get other people to alter their behavior as a result of NLP techniques you use to induce specific changes. A lot of it is linguistic and body language based, with some psychology applied. Magic, while it can focus on behavioral change, also involves working with spirits and other forces to induce practical changes in a person and his/her environment. I see magic as an activity that is more focused on inducing changes with a person and a person's relationship to others and the world, as opposed to inducing behavioral changes as occurs with NLP.

Book Review: The Complete Book of Demonolatry by S. Connolly

In this book, the author presents the foundations of demonolatry and explains how the magical system/religion works as well as how to work with the demons. The book covers a variety of topics including holidays, funerals, weddings, and other rituals. I found this book useful as a reference guide, particularly if you want to work in the demonolatric tradition. Some lessons are also included which can be helpful for learning the practices involved. At the same time, this is a book, and while its useful as an introduction to demonolatry, practitioners who want to learn more about this tradition will need to find other demonolaters to work with. I do recommend reading this book. It will provide a firm foundation for learning about demonolatry.

Sex and Creativity

I've been meditating a lot the past week on sex and creativity and how both are outlets of a person's life energy, as well as being pathways for magical work. I've found that these two expressions go hand in hand. When they are balanced they feed and inspire each other, but if there is too much of one the other can be dissipated...and if there is not enough of one, then it becomes an overriding obsession. These two expressions of life aren't the only expressions, but I think of them as primal expressions for myself. I've used both sex and creativity to define my life at different times and I've found that I need both in order to truly be happy, but I also know that a lack in either one makes me miserable, and that too much usually leads to a burn out of some kind.

In meditating on these two expressions of my life, I've also looked at my history around them. I had several realizations. My period of a few years where I wasn't writing was also a period where I had very little in the way of sexual satisfaction. Once I started to have sex in my life again, I became creative again as well. Sex got the juices going, literally and figuratively. But the other realization was that my creativity suffered when I spread my self too thin.

You get interested in multiple people and when you do you spread your energies thinner and thinner, with less focus on the creativity. It's not an ideal situation if you are a writer or artist. You need to save some of that energy for the art and writing. Sex, and for that matter love, can take up a lot of energy if not properly managed and focused.

Being with Kat has been good for me because in the process of developing this relationship I've come to really understand how much I gave away of myself in the past, and how much I caused my own periods of non-creativity. There were other factors than just sex or love, but nonetheless I feel more creative because I'm not giving away too much of my energy to other pursuits. The time I do invest into a relationship is returned to me with much more focus on the creative work. I think this is why the writing has come back so much. I'm focusing one expression of my life and in turn another is also being focused. I'm focusing on one relationship in my life and in turn that relationship is helping me define my spirituality and creativity and become more productive. As such I moved away from Polyamory to a Monogamous relationship. I don't think polyamory is bad or wrong (It can and does work for some people)...I just realize it hasn't worked for me and that if anything it has enabled my various issues in ways that have been hurtful to myself and others.

I think a given person only has so much time, and what you do with that time and who you spend it with is important. How much of yourself can you give away and still have something left for what's important to you? As I get older I realize that I want to conserve my life energy and keep it focused on what I feel called to bring to the world. Sex is an inspiration for my creativity, a fuel that feeds my imagination, but I don't want exhaust it. Thus I'm finding the Taoist work very helpful as well for keeping that part of my life focused to generate creativity.

In other news, I was on the Green Egg Radio Show. You can listen to the interview here. I recommend fast forwarding past the first 5 or so minutes, because the hosts were reading an introduction of who I am during that time.

Why experimentation needs to be done carefully

Ivo Dominguez Jr recently posted an article on how approach experimentation. I found myself nodding in some agreement with his points, especially when says that the development of anything new should be extensively tested by yourself before sharing it with anyone else. I also disagreed with one point he made:

There is a lot of perfectly good material available that can simply be followed step-by-step and produce great results. We must not place novelty and innovation above what is known to be efficacious...New does not always mean better or for that matter safe or potent.

He's right there is a lot of magical work out there already established that works well. However even if it is efficacious we should never use that as an excuse not to experiment. If anything, we might ask: How could I take and personalize and improve on this technique? And it could be argued that doing so is just reinventing the wheel, but at least it is your wheel at the end of the day. With all that said, I think a magician needs a solid foundation before experimenting, which means making time to learn and practice what has been done until you understand how it works. After that, experiment with it, and start developing your own techniques.

Anything you experiment with should be tested extensively by yourself. Work with it, tinker with it, and really get to know the process you are developing. Once you've spent enough time doing it, then see if others are willing to try out the technique/ Get their input and share you experiences as well. Ivo says the same thing in his article and its sound advice. You can't effectively ask people to experiment with your technique until you know that technique and can share your experiences...at the same time, I wouldn't share the experiences until after the people try working with the technique. Let them have their experiences without having your subjective report in front of them. The reason is simple. If they know what you experienced, it may influence how they experience the technique. The point is to allow them to have their own experience and then share yours. The sharing allows you to verify your technique with their experiences and your own.

I do believe experimentation should be done carefully in the way you'd learn a technique you read in a book. You read about a technique and you carefully practice each step of the technique, with an eye toward understanding how it is affecting you. For example, when I learn a new meditation technique, I'll read about the technique. Then I'll do one step and once I feel I understand it, I'll do another step, etc. The same applies to experimentation. You put together a process and then you work with each step carefully, making sure you understand the process and testing it to make sure it works. Once you've tested it enough you share it with others and see if the results are consistent. If they are you have a new technique that works, but don't sit on your laurels...see if you can improve it.

The continued segregation of the occult from the pagan community

Over on the Wild Hunt, Jason wrote a post recently about the fact that the book industry Study Group has recently moved some of the books that are considered Paganism/Wicca from the Occult/New Age section over to the Religion section. He sees this as a good thing, and I would agree, if it wasn't for the following:

Throughout those years I remember often voicing a common complaint: “Why are books about Pagan religions shelved next to crystal healing and channeled hidden masters instead of in the religion section where they belong.” I felt, as many others did, that it created a two-tiered hierarchy: “real” religions like Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, and those religions relegated to what was once known as the “occult” section.

I'd ask why is there an assumption that crystal healing and channeling hidden masters couldn't be consider a form of religion in its own right, or at the least part of the religious practices? Or perhaps also why the occult is so stigmatized and seen as a bad thing that hurts paganism, especially given many of the religious and spiritual practices are occult oriented? Isn't the occult a real "religion"?

Now I'll admit that I don't consider what I practice to really be a religion, but at the same time I wouldn't mind seeing occult books given a bit more respect in general...and my concern is that while books that are considered overtly Pagan or Wicca will now be labeled as a religion, other books will continue to be relegated to a label that is less than flattering, and will also provide further fuel for what I think of as the segregation of magic from Paganism. It seems to me that occult/magic practices are considered the bastard child of Paganism, something to be dusted under the rug because it hurts the image of Paganism as more of a mainstream religion. Yet I'd argue that those very practices define the spiritual work and that the various books on Paganism and Wicca that reference magic and the occult shouldn't suddenly be removed from a section, unless you are going to remove all the books found in that section, or at least categorize them more effectively.

My question is: Why is there such an emphasis on removing the occult from Paganism? I think its because Paganism is making some strides and getting some good recognition and the last thing the people, working on making Paganism more mainstream and acceptable, want is  to be associated with magic and the occult. But when we remove magic from the picture we are removing something essential and while Paganism may look more acceptable, denying its roots, and looking down on certain practices just creates a rift that does more to hurt the community than actually help it. We shouldn't strive so hard for acceptance if we aren't willing to ask that everything we do be accepted, as opposed to only the parts that are considered "safe"

What's in a name?

 

I have a confession to make. I have never given myself a magical name. My magical name is my actual name and I think that name is magical enough that I don't need to come up with something else. Recently I came across an article where the author mentions that he'd never realized that shifting from a magical name to your mundane name could be a form of grounding that separates your magical persona from your regular persona. He cited an article by Frater Barrabbas that discusses this aspect further and I found the argument intriguing.

Frater Barrabbas's argument is that if a magician uses his/her mundane name as his/her craft name, s/he runs the risk of believing his/her own pr and can become deluded about his/her magical achievements and also the reality of his/her situation. The adoption of a magical name and motto allows the magician to create a persona for his/her magical self. This in turns allows the magician to turn off that persona as needed and keep him/her grounded in reality. I see his point and I agree with it to a degree, especially because he cites how actors and other famous people also experience this kind of delusion, as I've noted in Pop Culture Magick, and as can be seen in any number of bizarre behaviors famous people end up doing. The amount of energy and attention thrown their way affects who they are and causes them to buy into the image as reality, instead of remembering that they are mortal. Sadly unless you are a triumphant roman general, you probably won't have someone whispering in your ear that you are mortal.

At the same time I have always considered magical names to be a conceit of sorts, a way for someone to give themselves a self important title. And because of that and also because I believe that the only way people in general will become more accepting of magic, Paganism, and alternative beliefs in general, I've chosen to use my own name as my magical name. Anyone who does a Google search on my name discovers that I'm an occultist, which has lead to some interesting discussions, but also provided me a sense of freedom because I am choosing not to hide what I believe or practice. That's my choice and yet it also serves to keep me humble.

If you read this journal you'll inevitably come across entries where I detail some of my personal struggles, failures, or magical workings that just didn't work out the way I hoped. Nor do I consider myself to be famous. I'm at most kinda famous, on the fringe of the occult community. And on a mundane level, I've gone through a divorce and made my share of mistakes with finances, work, life, and love. I can be petty, vengeful, and quick to anger, and my people skills could use work. On the other hand I can also be compassionate, caring, and generous. I've made an ass of myself on multiple occasions and I've lost friends, made enemies, and had other mundane issues come up. In short I am a fallible person and I don't buy into any pr about me because I know at the end of the day that any enlightenment I've experienced has been worked for...hard. And on the rare occasion I meet someone who acts impressed by who I am (it doesn't happen often, though I'll admit social media has been a nice shot to my self-esteem as a writer) what I try to do, more than anything, is get them to meet the real me. Not the author, not the magician, but Taylor Ellwood the person. Because Taylor Ellwood the person is a lot less likely to let them down, and because when they get to know me as a person they realize that while I'm a pretty interesting person, I am just another person at the end of the day.

I keep my name because it reminds me to be humble. The assumption of a magical name doesn't ground me...it just creates another level of occult BS that I dislike with an intense passion. Now to be clear I do respect why Frater Barrabbas has chosen to take on a magical name. I respect it because I think that is the intention behind taking on such a name. I just don't know that many people hold to that same standard. He does, and I can safely say that because I know him and we've had a few conversations both with his persona on, and off. If you want to take on a magical name, then do it, but do it for the right reasons.

The truth is that we all take a risk of believing our own pr. Occultists can be pretty arrogant and I've definitely been arrogant at times. I've just learned that being arrogant doesn't really help. It just makes you into an asshole that everyone else dislikes and avoids. Lucky for me I've moved out of that stage of life and actually have people who want to hang with Taylor Ellwood the person. I'll never be the most popular guy, but that's ok too. I am an acquired taste and I know it and I'm satisfied with being that way. So whatever way you choose to keep yourself humble...remember you are but mortal...

Elemental Balancing Ritual Movement Month 3

12-24-12 Having been on the nutrisystem diet for a few days now, I'm noticing a difference in my energy and awareness of my body. I don't feel as compact. I feel a bit lighter and leaner. At the same time, this diet has given me a chance to meditate on my approach to eating food. I've come to two realizations about the origins of how I've handled food in the past.

The first realization goes back to a memory I had when I was 11 or 12. My step-mother had changed her behavior toward me, and was much more cold and distant then she'd been before due to circumstances I won't go into here, beyond saying that on some level she was taking out her anger toward someone else on me. In any case, we had this dinner of fried chicken and I ate a bunch of chicken, more than I really should of, and she commented on how I was a good eater. Since such compliments were much rarer, I think it had an impact on me and that I wanted to be a good eater because then it meant I was accepted.

The second realization goes back to my college days. I moved into an apartment when I was 20, and suddenly I faced a reality I'd never faced, which is that I had bills to pay, including groceries and that I also had room mates who wouldn't be shy about eating my food even though they weren't supposed to. For about a year or two I was only eating one to two meals a day and I was hungry a lot. I remember that when I got into the Masters program at clarion and lived in the dorms there that I became a bit of a glutton for the cafeteria food. Knowing I didn't have to go hungry made an impact on me. I eventually became more sensible with how much I ate and I exercised regularly, but I always maintained a hearty appetite. So now I feel the occasional pang of hunger and instead of indulging in food, I'm really sitting with it and meditating on what it brings up for me, with the realization as well that I am a fortunate person in that I have ready access to food, where many people in the world do not.

12-27-12 In thinking further about my relationship to food, I realize I have been an over eater or glutton. I eat after I'm full to the point where I feel bloated and weighed down by the food I've eaten. We went off diet for xmas dinner and I over ate. I didn't like how it felt and when I'm on the diet I feel less weighed and not bloated. So it makes me realize that one of my challenges is working on portions.  I need to avoid over eating...I need to know when my body is satisfied. On the plus side, I've lost 7 pounds and I'm noticing a distinct different in how I fit my clothes and how I feel, I like this feeling and I want to keep it.

12-31-12 As I've continued exercising, I've been thinking about movement and the body and more importantly I've focused on just being with the movement, whether its the movement I feel when I exercise or the movement I feel as I walk. In a way the burn of the exercise helps me be more aware of my movement. I can't take it for granted as I might if I wasn't exercising. But it also makes me think about movement in general and how there really is no such thing as seamless movement. There is always a bit of resistance or friction...we might not feel it, but its there, and being aware of it when we don't feel is important because then it can be accounted for.

1-1-13 One of the issues that came up a few days ago was a realization of how embedded my habit of beating myself up is. It came up because of something Kat mentioned and when I apologized for it, for the umpteenth time, she asked me to stop and then she brought up how much I did that. What she said really struck me in a vulnerable place. I felt myself start to shut down because I felt like she'd come across this wound within me that I couldn't faced, and yet I clearly needed to face it. This behavior has been present in all of my relationships and I know right where to trace it. But facing it was painful because it was facing all the feelings that accompanied the self beat up...the resentment, fear and anger I've felt toward others, and the humiliation I've felt as I've tried to somehow make the person I'd offended feel like she (this has never happened with men) had her say and could hopefully let it go instead of continuing to hold it over my head as a way to continue punishing me. Kat told me that she didn't want to punish me or see me punishing myself...that she hadn't realized how deep the behavior went, and that she'd help me work on it, help me stay on top of it. Hearing that made me feel hopeful, because facing this deep wound in myself was not easy, and yet realizing it consciously has made me want to change it for my own health and the health of my relationship.

1-4-13 One of the books I'm reading is on somaesthetics. Basically its a book about the experience of the body and how to appreciate the body for what it is. I find his analysis of Western culture and its approach to the body to be fascinating, in large part I think it's true.. Western culture treats the body as a tool or as something sinful. How much that has weighed people down and held them back. Certainly my own experiences point to some of the issues that come up. While I am mostly comfortable with my body, there have been moments when I've found myself facing some cultural meme about it.

1-12-13 When I've gone off diet on occasion, I've been proud of myself each time because I've only eaten until I don't feel hungry. I haven't tried to eat until I feel "full" or bloated as I think of that feeling now. Exercise is going well also. I'm not getting as sore as I did and I'm noticing more strength and grace in my everyday movement. It's made me appreciate the element of movement even further in terms of how essential it is to our lives, but also what it can tell us about our sense of health.

I wrote earlier today: "Movement is an intrinsic force of identity, the relationship piece of identity, and the establishment of context in time and space." And I think that is really the case with movement. Movement and identity go hand in hand in terms of not just physical movement but also metaphysical movement. When a person does magic what they are really doing is moving their identity and its contextual relationship to space and time into a new direction. When we acknowledge this it opens us up to awareness about movement as it applies not only to our own movements, but also the movements of others and how all of it fits together.

1-18-13 As I've gotten more into exercising I've been pushing myself harder, putting more energy into it. Undoubtedly I'm able to do this because of how my body is getting stronger, but it's more than just physical changes to the movement. It's also an attitude change. It's an awareness of how I feel about the exercising and about the desires I have around transforming my relationship with my body. I like how my body feels and I like the feeling of soreness after I've exercised that's a reminder of my body and the changes I am experiencing with it.

In another direction with moving, I've really been opening up more to Kat. There's this part of me that has tended to protect itself by not opening up, and the reason it provides is: I don't want you to use what I say against me." No big surprise there as I've found that in the past a lot of what I said or did was held against me and used as leverage of one kind or another. So when I am promised that what I say won't be used against me, that instead the person will hold space and yes may have a reaction, but afterwards will truly lay it to rest...that's what I need...and she has offered it and followed through on it. I'll admit to being surprised at the depth of fear I felt around this issue, but it makes sense given what's happened. I learned very young to keep things to myself and to be provide a filtered amount of information because of how that information would be used. So it's a relief to let the filters go and just speak...

It is also fascinating how you can re-direct movement in a room with the right energy. This evening I was at an event where a person was asking for donations. I was the only person she didn't ask, and I put out an energy of move along, which worked rather well to insure that I wasn't asked. The right emotional energetic message can create interesting movement patterns. I've used that technique since I was in high school and yet I think I've only fully begun to appreciate it tonight.

1-22-13 If you consider that movement applies to more than just the physical ability to move...that it applies to the movement of money, the movement of a career, the movement of your life, then its also worth considering what you are having trouble moving in your life, and how that lack of movement is affecting your overall sense of well-being. I am mindful of this in my own life as I consider both present and past circumstances where I have felt unable to move or only able to move at a crawl. Movement isn't necessarily an indicator of success, but it is an indicator of what feels like its working as opposed to what feels blocked. However the key to handling an area of your life where movement is slow, is to find a way to keep moving and keep yourself open to possibilities of greater movement. I'll admit I feel frustrated with a couple areas of my life and the lack of movement in them, but I know I need to keep moving and keep open to the possibilities as well as solutions to the actual blockage. Eventually a solution will be found.

Exercise as a meditative and magical state of being

In the last month I've taken up Tae Bo as a cardio exercise. It's been a wonderful way to get my body into shape while losing weight, but it's also been useful as a way of exploring exercise to achieve a meditative state. While I am able to still my min through breathing techniques, I've also found that exercising really forces you to focus your mind, and in the process blocks out the chatter of the monkey mind.

I do some pushups and stomach crunches before doing my morning meditation and I reserve my evening for the Tai Bo exercise. It's a great way to ground myself at the end of the day and it becomes a meditation where I focus solely on my body and the movements. However this stillness of mind is also useful for magical purposes.

For the last couple of exercise sessions I have charged and fired sigils. I have visualized the sigils while exercising and used the movement to charge them. Every exercise movement becomes fuel for the sigil, and when I am finished with the exercise, I launch the sigil. It's not all that different from playing a video game and using it to launch a sigil.

Another way I've been using exercise for magic has actually been for the sculpting of my body. I was inspired to do this through the work that Zac Walters did with exercise magic. He talks about his work in the Magic on the Edge Anthology. I haven't applied his exact methodology to my own exercise work, but what I have done is visualized how I want my body to change as I exercise. When I am exercising I do this visualization where I sculpt my body, particularly the areas I want to change such as my belly and my face. I've noticed that the way my body appears is conforming more and more to the visualized body I have in place in my mind when I exercise.

Finally I've used the exercise to also get in touch with the consciousness of my body and work with it to enhance the metabolism and speed up the purging of toxins and bad fat from my body. I've noticed that I'm continuing to lose weight at a decent recent, in part thanks to the diet I am on and the exercise, but also because I am using the exercise to communicate with my body and help it purge the toxins. The result has been a sense of greater health and energy than I've had in a long while, as well as a closer connection to my body. There are probably other ways that exercise can be applied to magic, but these the ways I am currently using it for myself.

Answers to Questions 1-17-13

This week I only got a couple questions, but they were interesting ones. One question that was asked was if you try to sublimate negative possibilities via lucid dreams, you also risk losing positive situations attached to the negative possibility. Is there a way to keep the positive possibility while getting rid of the negative situation? I'll admit that I don't use lucid dreaming for this kind of work, but I do have a process I use where I create a field of probabilities, with one in particular representing the possibility I want to manifest into my life. Instead of choosing to experience the negative possibilities, I remove them from the field of probability by turning them into potential energy that feeds into the one possibility I want to manifest. That possibility contains what I want to manifest, which can include all those good situations. I figure I'm not missing anything if I'm creating the reality I want to live in as opposed to avoiding realities I don't want to live in.

The next question: What are your thoughts on materializing aura into tangible forms (also known as flaring energy constructs)?

I'd call this a glamour, because that's what I think when I've done energy manipulation along those lines. I'd never heard of the term flaring before the question was asked, but it essentially involves causing a visible materialization of subtle energy. Whenever I do a professional speaking engagement, I manipulate my aura to actually light up and also to draw people toward me, what I call a glamour. So I think it is possible. I think it has limited uses, and I'll admit I mainly use it for the public speaking because it works great to help create an environment where people are engaged in the talk. I've never really seen the point of doing anything else with it, because there's not much else you can do with it.

The Final Question: I'd be interested in hearing of your experiences (if any) with the aggressive sceptic types. Any bullying/ridicule?

I've actually had this experience with people in the Occult and Pagan community, as well as the occasional skeptic. In regards to the experiences in the Occult and Pagan communities, its mainly been around my choice to integrate pop culture into magic. Thankfully it's slackened off for the most part and nowadays people seem more interested in the topic and applying it to their spiritual work. How I dealt them was to write a couple books on the topic and keep doing my own thing.

And once in a while I've gotten a visit from an aggressive skeptic. Earlier this summer I had such a person making a pest of himself. He wanted me to prove that magic (the sword and sorcery kind of magic) existed. Sad to say I let him down because I don't believe in the sword and sorcery kind of magic myself (but if I could throw a fireball, you better believe I would). With those types you're dealing with people who have a preconceived idea of how they think magic should work. They've bought into the Hollywood version of magic and they desperately want it to be real because they feel powerless. They take that feeling of powerlessness out on people by becoming cyber bullies. In that case I simply addressed the question after ignoring him wasn't working and off he went. It probably also helped that I banned him and found ways to cut down on his ability to contact me. I didn't want to waste anymore time or energy on the person than I had to.

In my experience you can't put too much energy toward the skeptics. They want proof, but they aren't willing to do the work themselves to discover that proof. You're better off ignoring them or letting them see the hard truth...that the magic they want doesn't exist. Real magic isn't parlor tricks, after all.

Do you have a question you want to ask?

Feng Shui and Movement

At the last magical experiments potluck, one of my friends presented on Feng Shui. She'd just gotten her certification in Feng Shui and she shared what she learned with us. I found it fascinating and I'm going to pick up some books and possibly even take a course or two as I think it could be applicable to my spiritual work, especially with movement. I've always noticed that when I clean my home or we move furniture around that the energy also gets moved. The personality of the home changes, and even the way the energy moves through the house also changes. In fact, one of the suggestions my friend made was that I should change the position of my desk in my office. Originally it was set up so that my desk was facing the window and my back was turned to the door. According to Feng Shui this actually hurts the flow of energy toward your business because you are essentially indicating that you don't want more business. It makes sense in a way and I figured it didn't hurt to move the desk. So I moved it so that now it faces my closet, while still giving me a view of the window and the door. I don't yet how it'll affect my business, but I have noticed a change in the energy of the room and I actually like the current set up better.

When I look at movement as an elemental force one of the things I consider is how I move through an environment. Movement is as much about what you can't move through or around as it is about the actual movement that occurs. I've changed my desk so I sit differently, have a different view and there's a bit more space in the room. I swivel my chair around to reach for things on a shelf and everything is in easier reach than it was previously. If nothing else has changed, how I relate to the room and the various tasks I do in the room has changed. While there's nothing overtly magical about that, it is fascinating because it makes me think about how set up and design influence movement, both the physical and spiritual movement that a person does in a given space.

If you've read Magical Identity, you know that a lot of my interest in magic has shifted toward exploring magic as an ontological activity. My interest in movement is part of the next step of that exploration as I see it as an essential part of an ontology of magic.

Why I think of myself as spiritual

I couldn't resist including the above picture for this post, just because it is a good question and I see this meme done a lot. It's a good example of pop culture magic actually, but that's a different topic altogether. To answer his question however, I'd say I'm not cherry picking the parts of religion I like, but rather creating my own spiritual identity and practice which doesn't necessarily involve a conventional approach, which is what I think of when I think about religion. The actual impetus for this post came from this post on the Wild Hunt Blog where Jason Pitzl-Waters discusses how he thinks that "more and more people are finding Paganism not as discrete religions, but as a part of an open-sourced kit to build an individualized belief system or practice." On the other hand, Star Foster explains why she's dropped the label Pagan, and I see her reason for dropping the label as being similar to what Jason writes about in his blog. This response from Jason Mankey argues that as long as gods are in the occasion you can't run from the label Pagan. I don't agree with his take on that as I'll explain further below.

I think of myself as a spiritual, but not religious person. I also think of myself as a magician as opposed to a Pagan. I also recognize that in one sense the word pagan is a meta term that is applied to a variety of people who have similar interests, which can include polytheism, Heathenism, Occultism, as well as Paganism. However, much like Star I don't necessarily feel that the label Pagan applies to what I do. And yes I work with more than one deity, but even that as a criteria for being a pagan is suspect. And I don't feel that the practice of magic makes a person automatically a pagan either, especially given that many Pagans have argued that magic isn't an essential part of pagan beliefs. To my mind when that distinction was made, that told me I wasn't a pagan, because to me magic isn't optional and never will be.

If, according to Jason Pitzl-Waters, Paganism is an open source kit to develop personalized belief systems and practices I do wonder why certain segments of Paganism seem to be so intolerant toward the development of such systems and practices. And I have witnessed that intolerance first hand, having been told that what I'm doing is fluffy and not really paganism (which suits me fine). I get why Jason wants to fold all that under the umbrella of Pagan, but I suspect many Pagans would disagree with his assessment and would argue that there is a distinct difference between what is a Pagan belief system and what is an individualized system of spiritual practice and belief.

And aside from that point, there are spiritual paths that might be identified as Pagan, except for the fact that the people who practice those spiritual practices don't think of themselves as Pagans. Heathenism comes to mind, for example. Heathens, as I understand it, don't typically identify themselves as Pagans and don't want to be identified as Pagans. They do worship and work with deities, but that doesn't make them Pagan. I'd argue that what makes anyone Pagan or not is the person's choice to identify as such. If I choose to call myself pagan, then I might be considered pagan, especially if I practice a religious path that is considered Pagan.

I'd argue that Paganism is more of a religious movement than a spiritual movement. There are many Pagan religions, but I don't think that because someone is spiritual it automatically makes them pagan. Certainly the quote from Pink that Jason cites doesn't support that she views herself as Pagan, so much as she found Paganism to be a source of inspiration for her own spiritual work.

As I mentioned above the word pagan is a meta label. It's applied to anyone who practices non-monotheistic religious practices and spirituality as a way of describing those practices. And in that sense, I do embrace the word pagan, because it is a meta label that encompasses what I practice. But as a label of religious practices, I don't see myself as a Pagan. And many other people don't as well. The meta label is convenient, but also creates an illusion about Paganism that isn't accurate in the way that some people might like it to be. Just because my spirituality happens to include practices that could be perceived as Pagan doesn't necessarily mean the label fits. What determines if the label fits is the person's choice to identify as such.

At this point a person might say, "Fine and well Taylor, but then why do people like you use the word Pagan at all?" And the answer is that Pagan, as a meta-label, has become so embedded in our culture and in how many people describe their spiritual practices that choosing to come up with something else is not easy. And lets be honest here...while the word Pagan has stigma attached to it, the word occult or magic has a lot more stigma attached to it. And speaking as a writer, when I write books I am writing for an audience that includes people who identify their spiritual working and practice as Paganism. They aren't my sole audience, but they are a significant audience and what I'm writing about can be applied to their spiritual practices, if they choose to do so. There's also something to be said for encountering people that you can share a spiritual practice with. Where do you find those people? How do you determine if those people possibly share similar values or beliefs? The meta label of Pagan is how people answer those questions.  That's why I use the word Pagan. I don't perceive my spiritual practice as being that of a Pagan, but I do recognize that elements of it can be attributed to Paganism, and that I can find kindred spirits using that same meta label because it fits, however loosely, to what they practice.

On a Different Note...

I thought I'd share a link to Justin Moore's blog. He's doing some interesting work with the elemental balancing ritual. What I like the best about it is that he's making it his own.

Book Review: Cupid's Poisoned Arrow by Marnia Robinson

This book is an intriguing read that explores the physiology behind sex and orgasms, and makes the argument for having sex without orgasm as a way of creating stability in a relationship. The author does a good job of exploring the physiology and cites some interesting research to show how orgasm impacts the behavior of people. She also does a good job of introducing Karezza as an alternate sex technique that people can use to avoid having orgasm. Perhaps what I liked best about this book is the exploration of bonding behaviors and how those bonding behaviors can be used to create stronger relationships. The suggestions she makes demonstrates that bonding behavior can offset dysfunctional behavior and actually help people communicate better.

However, there's also some flaws in this book. Some of the anecdotes that she uses are a bit extreme, and I question whether sex via orgasm was the sole problem. At times the author comes off as a closet homophobe and also views activities such as BDSM as being unnatural. And while the author does cite some interesting research about the effect of orgasms, she doesn't explore how bonding behaviors could impact the downside of orgasm, nor does she explore the cultural issues around bonding behavior, and why those cultural issues might contribute to some of the dysfunctions.

It's an intriguing book and it makes thought provoking arguments about the effect of orgasm on the physiology of the brain, but there's also a lot she doesn't explore, and without that exploration it makes it hard to determine just how accurate her information is.

Answers to Questions of the Week 1-10-13

Each week I ask people to share with me questions they have about magic. I then answer those questions in my blog. The first question that was asked was: Have you ever practice some Draconian magic? Can you recommend any book on the subject?

I asked for some clarification on this practice and the person mentioned that's she'd done Draconian magic through the Order of Apep. I'll admit I've never heard of that order. I would say the closest I've come to doing Draconian Magic involves a weekly offering I make to the spirit of the Dragon. Every few weeks I also do a full invocation of Dragon, which is part of the offering. I feel a close connect to draconic energy, perhaps due to the fact that I was born in the year of the Dragon according to Eastern Astrology. I can't recommend any books on the matter.

Are psychedelics a legitimate tool? was the second question. I'll point the person to my post from last week, which sums up my thoughts on psychodelics.

Are runes still good to use as sigils or for creating sigils or should I use a different alphabet character or self created sigil for use? was the next question.

You can use runes for sigils, though I think one disadvantage is that you are already dealing with cultural and spiritual meanings associated with the runes. However you could change how the runes appear or combine them and create a new symbol altogether. I sometimes takes letters from the English alphabet and connect them to each other and the resultant symbol works.

Do you think enochian magic is "real" or just someone else's godforms?

I think its real enough for the people who practice it. I've done a bit of research into it, but I see it as just another system of ceremonial magic, complete with a set of entities to interact with.

What do you think of psychology and, other mind sciences, being applied to magic?

I'm of a mixed mind about it. I think there is value to applying psychology to magic, as well as any other mind sciences, but I also think there's a tendency, thanks in large part to Crowley and chaos magic, to write off magic as just being a psychological phenomenon, or "All in your head" as some people like to put it. I've had too many experiences to write magic off as a purely psychological experience and I think that portraying magic as just a psychological phenomenon dilutes the value of a spiritual experience and closes the person's mind to other possibilities.

I do apply psychological concepts to magical work and I've found it useful to do so, but my application is less about trying to describe magic as it relates to psychology and more about integrating psychological techniques to make my magical work more effective.

Round 4 of the Process of Magic starts next week!

Round 4 of the Process of Magic Class starts on January 16th. The Process of Magic class is a correspondence course that has 24 lessons. It is a class that has something to offer for the experienced magician as well as the neophyte. You will learn how to examine your magical work through the lens of process, deconstruct magical workings, and develop your personalized definition and magical practice.

Here is a testimonial from one of the attendees of the course:

Taylor Ellwood’s approach to magic looks at your life, looks at what you want to change and then uses your magic to improve the situation. If it does not work, improve your magic! Magic is a creative process that ties intimately into our lives and changes not only an outward situation but the magician itself.

In the beginning you will take a look at that process, something I have never seen discussed before. After that Taylor Ellwood supplies a large tool box for magical work. It ranges from creative techniques like using cut-ups to the creation of magical entities tailor-made for the magician’s needs. There are a lot of potential magical helpers on your way, gods and demons alike, and you will learn how to establish a healthy relationship with such beings that is mutually benefiting to you and them.

In no time you are doing magic that improves your life instead of reading about magic or pondering about what magic could do for you if only you could find the time to actually start practicing it. I can recommend this course for everyone who would like to become the active shaper of his or her live again.

From Wolf Kaminski

If you would like to learn more about the class or take the class contact me.

Is magic inherently moral?

 

The other day I got into a conversation about magic and morality. I mentioned that one of the systems of magic I'd learned was chaos magic and the person mentioned that s/he had heard that chaos magic didn't have a system of morals attached to it, which is accurate, but as I pointed out to her, it's how a person chooses to use magic that matters. I don't think there's a given moral force that polices magic, nor do I think a person gets 3 times the outcome of what s/he chooses to do.

Magic isn't an inherently moral force. It is something that anyone can work with, and there are limitations to what a person can do with it, but those limitations have more to do with the laws of this universe than any moral polarity. Any such moral polarity is human made, derived more as a statement of the values of the person as well as his/her culture. Each person must decide what his/her own morals are, both in terms of magical work, and mundane actions.

When we ascribe morality to a system or practice, we need to do it carefully and question the underlying values. Even if it seems like a "good" morality, there is always human agency behind the assumption of that morality and its application to other people's actions. When we recognize this we can look carefully at whether or not we should take on the morals of a given spirituality and/or determine if we should apply our own instead.

Naturally there are consequences for what a person chooses to do. Each person has to decide if the consequences are worth the desired result, but just as importantly we need to decide if the moral codes we ascribe to are ones we really agree with or ones we hold to reflexively because others have told us to. The latter choice is a disservice to ourselves, and ironically an amoral choice, for we are ducking out of our responsibility to determine for ourselves what our morality really should be, as well as how it should inform our actions.