5-24-2019 Yesterday I started on the next phase of my work with the sphere of art. This is work I’m developing on my own, independent of what R.J. Stewart has already shared. This month I’m working with the archangel Sandalaphon and the planetary/underworld energy of the Earth. I’ve decided that this will help me build up the correspondences further as well as refine the sphere of art further, in terms of how it can be worked with.
5-26-2019 When I do my meditations with Sandalaphon, I’m using the elevated alchemical materials for Carbon, which represents Earth/underworld. I’m actually thinking of Malkuth as the gateway to the underworld, which might seem odd, until you consider that is where the seeds, minerals, etc are buried, where life begins and in one sense the underworld is as much a part of that process as anything else.
5-28-2019 The other day I posted a meme of Bruce Lee discussing how emotions can be manipulated by enemies and I made the point you can be your own worst enemy. It was a reminder to myself, really, because if I look at my worst decisions they have always been made by me and it has involved my emotions getting the better of me. I’ve learned over time to recognize that and be aware of how I can trip myself up…and it matters. It really matters, because you can make space for your emotions, without letting them get the better of you.
6-2-2019 I’ve been thinking of my dad a lot and how chaotic his life was and how that lead to a lot of chaos for me. I’ve had to work very hard to stabilize my life and in some areas I still am working on that. That’s ultimately on me, but when I reflect on my dad and his ancestors as well, it makes me realize how part of the experience a person has is as much about differentiating themselves from their families as it is anything else. What’s also interesting to me is realizing that my father’s family’s drive for status has informed a lot of my own choices in life, albeit in ways that probably has them rolling over in their graves.
On a different note, the work with Sandalphon is quite fascinating. I’m working with him for the month and each time, I do the sphere of art I work with the dry and wet substances for Malkuth and the resultant meditation is deep. I fee like a spiritual transmission is being shared on that level with me.
6-4-2019 Part of this underworld work has focused on giving into the experience and letting the experience have its expression through me. I’ve been learning how to do this more, even before this month, but this month feels particularly on theme, perhaps because the underworld energy, in and of itself calls for such awareness on the part of the person connecting with it.
6-10-2019 I got sick this weekend and still am somewhat today, so no dedicated work beyond doing Dragon and tiger Medical qigong, but I feel like I’ve nonetheless been doing underworld work. I’ve felt Sandalaphon’s presence close by and this illness has felt very underworld driven, a reminder that all of us inevitably will go to the underworld. At the same time my mom injured herself which has been its own thing and has also brought up lingering issues with Dad’s last year of life. I’m realizing that I’m in this transitional phase in my life where I’m becoming the elder. My mom will probably be around for a while, but I feel my dad’s loss keenly, even now, and part of it is because I recognize this very real mortality I’m feeling with his loss…my own awareness that someday I’ll be gone too. And it’s not like I haven’t known this, but I think when a person’s parents are alive, there’s this sense of immortality and then you realize its an illusion. This illness has further reinforced that.
6-11-2019 Started up the sphere of art work again tonight though I did the modified form because I knew doing the full ritual would take more than I was capable of. Maybe there’s a lesson in pacing myself in the midst of all this. It’s been a very intense month.
6-13-2019 The other day I asked people on FB why they were friending me. Seems like the books are really helping me become more visible, but one response stood out. He said I had a unique perspective on magic. And he’s right. I do. I look at magic differently than just about anyone else I know. Sometimes it gets me a lot of flak, but I like looking at the world differently, and seeing what can happen as a result. Multiple perspectives are good and needed. I’m glad one of them is mine.
My work with Sandalaphon had me experiencing the cycle of life and death and showing me how the underworld energies intimately mesh into that experience. There’s this never-ending processing of cycling into and out of life that happens within us, around us, and to us, and it very much fits the underworld energy.
6-16-2019 I got the check yesterday for my father’s estate, at least the portion I’ll be using for something. It felt oddly appropriate to deposit it on Father’s day, and to realize it’s his last gift to me, the gift of freedom, or at least a significant couple of steps toward freedom. I’m grateful for it and at the same time my mind is kind of blown by the whole thing. And again this happens during the month with underworld work, which seems to have loads of significance to me, in the timing of it all.
6-20-2019 I’ve been working through some reactions after paying off the debt. On the one hand I’m glad its gone and on the other hand, at least as it pertains to my undergrad degree I feel some anger toward my dad. How very first world privileged of me, I know, but he’d told me he’d help me with my undergrad degree and he never did. So now x many years later and I finally get that help. The irony of it. I think though this anger is also part of the grieving process and so its a convenient outlet to express the feelings.
Did a long distance working with the alchemical substances today. I’ve never done that before, but thought it would be a good opportunity to see if I can work with them at a distance, while doing the sphere of art. It worked. I was able to connect with the respective substances and use them for the continued deep work I’ve been doing with Sandalaphon, even though I wasn’t in the physical vicinity with them. When I connected with them, I felt the gravity of their energy, the presence of them and everything that’s been done with them. This will prove helpful later this summer.