Temporal Awareness in Space/Time Magic

I'm reading When: The Art of Perfect Timing. It's an intriguing book that explores the mechanics of temporal design and explores how they can be applied to events. One of the concepts explored is synchronous risk, which examines how present and future use of a given space impact each other and either reduce or raise risk. I found this concept interesting because of how it could be applied to explore multiple possibilities occurring in a given space, as well as how risk could be applied to assess the likelihood of a possibility manifesting into reality. The author also points something out about our awareness of time: "We miss timing issues, or make wrong decisions about them, not simply because our world is complex and uncertain, but because the way we describe the world and the tasks we must accomplish omit the kinds of facts we need. I call these fragmentary descriptions time impoverished because they fail to include all the sequences, rates, shapes, punctuation marks, intervals, leads, lags overlaps, and other time-related characteristics that are part of the temporal structure of everything that happens, every action that is taken, every plan that is implemented." I think he has a point.

Our awareness of time is mainly linear, and it is a limited awareness of time, focused more on experiencing time as a seamless flow of events as opposed to really perceiving and exploring it as distinct units. It is true that we have units of time such as minutes or hours, but the kind of awareness the author is examining has more to do with how events overlap and effect each other and I think this is a subtle distinction that many people miss out on. As the author points out the timing of a given event can be significant because of how people perceive it. Ironically people won't necessarily examine the timing of the event, so much as the event itself. But the timing is significant because of how it influences perception and how it helps to manifest a given possibility into reality. When we pay attention to the timing we recognize that it informs the very actions we take.

In my own magical work, I pay a lot of attention to the timing of when a given possibility should manifest. If it manifests too soon or too late then it hasn't really performed what I needed it to perform. The timing is significant because it plays a role in the effectiveness of the desired result getting me what I want. So when I do a magical working, I factor the timing of the result into the working so that I not only manifest a given result, but also achieve it exactly when I need it and not a moment sooner or later than that. The way that I writing timing into the magical working involves understanding the event I want to manifest and placing it into context within the rest of my life. I ask myself where the event fits into my life and then plan it accordingly and what I find is that the magical working is much more effective because everything is timed and planned for.

The author notes that people are able to think of the distant past or future without having to imagine the path through time  that would be needed to get to that moment in the past of future. This is an advantage in one sense because we can conceive of distinct events and probabilities as singular moments in and of themselves, but the disadvantage is that we may not factor in the sequences and other temporal dynamics that would lead up to the distinct moment. When planning the timing of a working, I find it helpful to explore the distinct path that leads up to it. I want to know what would need to occur to make a given event manifest. By being aware of the temporal sequences and spatial changes that could occur, I can plan for variables and enable my magical working to incorporate them into the manifestation of the desired possibility.

The timing in magical work is partially so important because you want to build momentum behind the manifestation of your desired possibility. The more momentum you build through proper timing, the easier it is to manifest the possibility at the right time and space. When I want to manifest a result, part of the timing work I do involves setting up specific moments that build off each other to help manifest the possibility. By factoring in the elements of timing I can get enough ommph behind the working to make it happen when I want it to, but with all the momentum of the universe behind it.

Weaving the Web starts on March 29th

Mark your calendars: Weaving the Web happens on March 29th and 30th Space and Time are a web that weaves the possibilities of magic into the realities of life. When you learn to weave the web of space and time, you learn how to manifest possibility into reality.

Learn how to integrate the elements of space and time into your magical practice during a two day workshop, in Portland, Oregon.

In this 2 day Weekend Intensive you will learn about:

What the web of space and time is and how it can be integrated into magical and spiritual practices.

• Why space and time are principles of magic and how to work with them in your magical practice.
• What the practical space/time magic techniques are and how they can be used to manifest possibilities into reality.
• How to use meditation to connect with past and future selves, as well as explore probable outcomes before they occur.
• Who the inner contacts and spirits are that you can connect with to do further work with space/time magic.
• How space and time can be applied to your spiritual tradition by understanding them as principles of magic.
• Plus, Plenty of time for YOUR Questions!

​This Weekend intensive occurs on March 29th and 30th.

For full class details visit:

http://magicalexperiments.com/classes-by-taylor/weaving-the-web/

3 Great Bonuses!

Bonus #1: Access to a private online forum that is specifically for this class, where you can share your continued work with the material with me and your class mates.

Bonus #2: 3 Free Hour Long Teleconferences that will occur after the workshop where you can ask me questions and share your experiences.

Bonus #3: Free MP3 Recordings of the Teleconferences.

Registration Fee:

The Registration fee for this course is $189 if you register by March 1st. If you register after March 1st the fee is $229.

For more class details, and to register, go to:

http://magicalexperiments.com/classes-by-taylor/weaving-the-web/

I'm looking forward to working with you during this weekend of space/time magic!

The journey and the experience

Those who built the legendary companies wisely understood that it is better to understand who you are than where you are going - for where you are going will almost certainly change. From Built to Last by Jim Collins and Jerry Porras

I found this saying and I feel it applies as much to a person's spiritual journey as it does to the creation of a great business. So much focus is on the journey that we sometimes forget how important it is to simply be present for the experience. Knowing who you are (as best you can) provides a guiding light for your journey, a north star as it were that keeps you on course during your journey. I think that what makes the journey meaningful is the experience and that experience is meditated by your identity, that awareness of who you are.

So much emphasis is put on the journey, but the journey changes constantly. The one constant you have is yourself, and even that changes, but what makes it constant is that it is you, it is part of you, something you know and experience each day. The journey changes and yet it is always relative to your sense of self and as such is oriented around that self hood and how it responds to the journey as it unfolds. If you recognize this, then you can rely on that sense of self to ground you in your journey, for no matter where you go, there you are.

As to how all this relates to magic and your practice of it, its a reminder that even the magic itself can't replace your sense of identity or its role in your life. Knowing who you is the essential principle of magic, because from that awareness arises the drives that inform what you are doing magic for. When you apply magic to your journey, you are inevitably applying it from that sense of self in order to bring the journey back into alignment with who you know yourself to be. At the same time, the journey may illuminate that sense of self and provide you a different perspective that consequently changes the values informing the journey. Being open to this is always useful, for no self awareness should be so static that you can't change it as needed. Your identity, while grounding your journey, is nonetheless something which should be open to change from the very experiences you have.

Everything changes...when you accept that then you are open to the journey and the experience because nothing is set in stone and change is welcomed as an inevitable part of what will happen. We can't stop change, but we can move with it, and flow into it and use it propel us forward, while also steering the north star of our self knowledge and awareness.

The Realities of Pagan Publishing and Publicity

I recently talked about the glamour of Pagan Publishing. I'm going to let you in on another dirty secret, something not really talked about, but nonetheless present in the Pagan news media, convention scene, and publishing world. If you're an author, and you're not with one of the bigger publishers, prepared to be ignored by the Pagan news media and publicity and convention scene unless you are willing to do a lot of work to make yourself heard or have such an interesting angle they can't ignore you without looking really bad for doing so. Don't get me wrong, all authors with publishers big and small have to do their marketing, but in general authors with bigger publishers get preferential treatment. Authors with smaller publishers that don't have the same resources need to advocate for themselves and prepare to be ignored a lot of the time because they aren't with a big publisher.

For example, a pagan convention recently had a featured guest appear. This author has written  few books and has been around for a while. His books are all from larger publishers, so there's some benefit for suddenly naming this author a featured guest. Now he may have asked to become such a guest, or not. I don't know if he did or didn't, but I'm going to guess he probably didn't. Yours truly, on the other hand, who is attending the same convention and has written more than a few books didn't even get contacted about becoming a featured guest. So what did I do? I emailed them. We'll see if I become a featured guest or not. But here's the ugly truth: When you are with a small publisher you better be prepared to ask for and advocate for what you want, because no one will give it to you. When you're with a larger publisher, you get some of the love from the news media and the conventions just because you're with that bigger publisher.

I've been writing books for ten years, have a dozen books to my name, with more on the way, and I can tell you it doesn't mean squat in and of itself. Books don't sell themselves....your publicity or lack thereof does and any author will tell you that you've got to be prepared to work that publicity for all its worth. However when you're with a bigger publisher doors open a lot easier. The same applies to getting into the Pagan news, becoming a blogger at one one of the Pagan news portals or one of the other outlets, etc. The bigger publishers command more respect, not because they've earned it per se, but because they've got the publicity and marketing resources that help with these kinds of things. I think it sucks, but there it is: the reality of publicity, the Pagan convention circuit, and Pagan Publishing. If you aren't with a big publisher, you have to work harder to get noticed and you should expect that even then you'll get brushed aside, or given delays or told that such and such author from a bigger publisher is the one they'll give the cover photo to. I've had all of that happen to me in the last couple years, despite the fact that I've been writing for a long time.

I'll admit this post is a rant and I'm sure some of you are thinking that I'm being a bit egotistical, but you know what? I've worked hard to get my name out there and that, in and of itself, does not guarantee success. I know this, because I know the realities of networking. In my day business, I do a lot of networking and I can tell you that the more well connected you are the easier it is to get access to resources you want. The less connected you are, the harder it is. I've been ignored and sidelined a lot over the years and its really frustrating. When I see certain authors favored over other authors and see that for the most part, they are with bigger publishers, what it tells me is that there is some bias in place in favor of authors with bigger publishers. Now it could be argued that I should just play the game, get published by a bigger publisher and then I'll get some of those doors opened, but I like the publisher I'm with and more importantly I'd rather kick the board over and reset the game and make it so that the pagans new media and the convention people actually recognize authors that aren't with the bigger publishers and spread some publicity love our way. I don't think it's unreasonable to want that, but I suspect that it'll only happen if issues such as these continue to be pointed out. So to those of you in the pagan news media and convention circuit, I have a simple request: Stop focusing on just the BNPS with the big publishers and start noticing some of us who are with smaller presses, but also have something equally valuable to share with the community.

How to keep it real in your writing

 

The other day I got a book review of A Magical Life. It was a good review, but I think what I liked best about it was something the reviewer said, which spoke to how the book affected him/her. The reviewer mentioned that the book would move from topic to topic, from personal to philosophical etc and that it gave him/her a case of mood whiplash (which might be trouble for me if the insurance claim has anything to say about it!). Now you might wonder why  like that best, and its not because I want anyone to suffer as a result of reading my writing, but rather because the writing got some kind of response. And to me that is what keeps writing real...when your audience responds. It may not always be a favorable response (though overall it seemed to be in this case), but a response of any kind means that the writing resonated with you. Yes even if you hate the writing, it still resonated on some level.

How do you keep it real in writing? Write about your experiences and be genuine about what you share. In this blog and in my books, what I share is my experiences, both the successes and failures because I think sharing both keeps it real. Anyone who reads my works knows they aren't just getting theory or practice, but also the experiences that inform both. When you write anything, even fiction, there still needs to be some basis for experience, something you put into the writing that your readers can relate to.

Part of keeping it real also is knowing and defining your audience. Not just anyone will be your reader and indeed your writing isn't for everyone. But if you know who your audience is, then you already are writing for them as much as for yourself. For example my audience typically has an intermediate level of experience with magic (at least) and is interesting in experimenting and personalizing their magical practice. They may only be interested in specific topics that I write about, but what all of them like about my writing is the unusual perspectives I share, and the different angles I apply to my magical work. Knowing this about my audience helps me connect with them better. At the same time, I'd also say my audience is me and I just happen to be sharing what I've written with other people. I find that both perspectives on audience are helpful for me because it speaks to the reality that writing while being for other people is also an intimate activity that can be just for you.

Special 2 class deal on Alchemy of Breath and Sonic Ritual Magic

Master the fundamentals of breath and sound as your learn how to work with your body as part of your magical and spiritual work. In the Alchemy of Breath you'll learn how to use breath to raise your energy. You'll also learn:

• Why Breath can be a spiritual tool and what you can use it for in your magical work.
• What the different types of breathing meditations are.
• How breath work can be used to work with your voice.

In Ritual Sonics you'll learn how to integrate your voice into your spirituality. You'll also learn:

• How to vocalize and vibrate your voice.
• How to use your voice in meditation to lead to deeper trances.
• How to use your voice in pathworking, invocation and other magical techniques.

And with each class, I'll also make sure we have time for YOUR questions!

We meet on Sunday January 26th from 2 pm to 4:30 pm at the Deforest House, located at 7145 Se 67th Ave, Portland OR.

2 Great Bonuses!

Bonus #1: A Free Hour Long Teleconferences that will occur after the workshops where you can ask me questions and share your experiences.

Bonus #2: Free MP3 Recordings of the Teleconference.Registration Fee:

The Registration fee for these classes is $40, but if you bring a friend you can both save $10 each on the classes, which means the classes will only cost $30 each for both of you!

How to sign up:

Contact me to RSVP for the classes. The fees are due the day of the class.

The Glamour of the Pagan Publishing Industry

I came across this blog entry from S. Connolly about the future of esoteric publishing and found myself in agreement with what she wrote. I find the publishing industry to be a quixotic beast to say the least. You have larger publishers who focus on publishing books that will sell to a larger market. You have smaller publishers, which focus on more niche markets because they have smaller overhead, but also because it is for very specific audiences. I am not the bigger publishers' audience, though they might disagree and say I was. The majority of books the bigger publishers put out just don't interest me, and usually are written for an audience that is just starting out, or is at best, an intermediate audience. Much like S. Connolly, I am very picky about what I pick up. In fact, the last time I picked up a book from a bigger pagan publisher, it was Jason Miller's Financial Sorcery, which was in 2012. Since then I've picked up a handful of occult books, all of them from smaller presses. The majority of books I buy aren't even occult books anymore because most of its just the same old, same old, which I've already read. I want something different and I have to go elsewhere to find it.

Authors face a hard choice, I think, when it comes to publishing. Do you go with a larger publisher who can give you better royalties (maybe even an advance) but also be required to write books for that larger audience? Or do you write a book that's for a niche audience, which won't make as much money, but will provide you more artistic control over your voice? Some authors opt for doing both, while other authors choose to stick with one type of publisher or another. For a short time, I considered publishing one of my book with a larger publisher, but it didn't really work out. I decided ultimately that it was better to publish with Immanion. Yes the audience is smaller, the royalties are smaller, and I don't have access to some of the resources that larger publishers have (or at least I have to get creative to get in front of those resources). But I do have that creative control and I'm writing for a specialized audience. Most of what I write is something that'll be found by people looking for something specialized and specific to what they need.

For readers, I have the following advice. Ask yourself what you really hope to get out of a given book. What is it you really want? How will it contribute to your magical work, your spirituality, your journey as a person? Then look through the book and decide if its really what you want. Not all books are equal or worth it. What you really want is something that contributes to your life, your practice, etc.

I used the word glamour in the title. It's an apt word which describes just how much of an illusion the whole publishing world is. Yes we have our BNP's, oh so glitzy and fabulous, our publishers, our news media ready to put a spin on what's relevant or not to Pagans, but it's all just a lot of words, a lot of image. The reality is something else. It's something experienced each time you choose to apply magic to your life, each time you do the work and make it part of your being. Anything you get should really be about the relevance it has to your spiritual work. Because when you strip all the glamour away what you'll see is other people and you'll know if they're work has value only in relationship to the work you are doing. An author is only an authority because enough people find him/her relevant and think it worthwhile to read the books and attend the workshops, but that same author is only an authority to him/herself if s/he is really doing the work, as opposed to just talking a good game. So strip away the glamour and ask yourself: Would I really want to meet and work with the person who's written this book? If the answer is yes, buy the book and if not, leave it be...

Stranger and Stranger

I'm reading the Necessity of Strangers by Alan Gregerman, which argues for the value of strangers in your life, because of how they open your horizons. The author points out that everyone you meet initially is a stranger, which is certainly true, but what I really like about the book is that it advocates that what strangers provide you is new perspectives that challenge how you think and what you do. And I think that challenge is essential if you want to experiment in a given discipline. As I've written before, one of the reasons I am able to experiment with magic is that I keep myself open to a variety of perspectives that fall outside the traditional occult disciplines, because I find that such perspectives provide me different angles through which to examine magic and my processes. Those different perspectives are what keeps magic relevant and fresh and provides opportunities to evolve it.

Such perspectives can be found in books and other materials, but also through meeting other people. One of the reasons I like to meet with people outside of my usual sphere of influence is that it provides me an opportunity to get new perspectives by learning about them and how they perceive the world. I may or may not agree with them, but even if I don't agree it still provides me different insights and ways to experience the world, and those insights are critical for experimentation purposes. Indeed, one of the reasons that I like my day time business is that it provides me lots of opportunities to meet with people who don't share the same sub culture interests or beliefs. I feel that such contact enriches me and my practice of my magic because I'm not just meeting people I agree with or people who share similar beliefs. I'm not keeping myself in a bubble that has everything I'm familiar with, but instead challenging myself to experience something new, even though what is new and different may not fit inside what I already know.

Sometimes it doesn't. A lot of times it doesn't. When I work with people that hold different beliefs or values, it can be uncomfortable, but that discomfort is good because it challenges the safe, conventional perspectives I have. Such a challenge is needed in order to keep a person grounded in my opinion. When you get wrapped up in your safe, conventional world view, supported by everyone around you, you lose touch, because you aren't challenging yourself or your views. You aren't staying open to new ideas or to discovering what you might not know. All of this is needed in a person's life, and I think in his/her spiritual practice as well. We see all too often the dangers that occur when a person is isolated from contrary views. S/he can become a fanatic fundamentalist, convinced that his/her way is the only way, Such a perspective leads to a dulling of the person.

So what are you doing to meet strangers, to keep yourself open to new perspectives?

Some Thoughts on Building Community

The concept of community has always been an interest of mine. I think it's been so important because I never really felt like I was part of a community. I felt like an outsider for so much of my life and while I wanted to be part of different communities, I could never really figure out how. Then the answer came to me...instead of trying to be part of something, why not just develop your own community. And that's what I decided to do. My initial forays into community building weren't very successful, but they were illustrative of what I needed to do. For example, when I first moved to Portland, I decided to start up a meetup at my house, where various friends could come and I'd present on some of the magical experiments I was working on. I soon realized that although the classes were a success, they weren't an effective way to build community, because the focus wasn't on being a community. I eventually stopped teaching and for a while just drifted.

My next attempt at building community was a bit more successful. I decided to propose a game night to my friends, where we could get together once a week and play various board games. And sometime after that I started another magical meetup night, but instead of just me teaching people, we decided to rotate it so that different members taught or shared what they are are working on. We also made it in to a potluck so that all of us could share a meal together. And through these activities I discovered that I was building a community. I've learned a couple of key lessons that I think can be applied by anyone seeking to build community in their own areas.

1. Don't assume that belonging to a given subculture automatically makes you part of the community at large. What I've discovered over the years is that although I identify myself as a Pagan and occultist, it doesn't necessarily mean I'm part of the community. This is a lesson I've learned at various locations and what it has really taught me is that to become part of a community you have to work at it. It doesn't happen just because you identify with a given subculture. And something else to remember is that you'll have multiple communities of a subculture. For example, in Portland, there is a chapter of the OTO in town, a community of hermetic magicians, several different general pagan communities, the magical experiments community as well as various solitaries (and probably some I don't know of). Not every community with be a fit for a given person, but given time you'll either find the right community or create one.

2. Shared interests are an excellent way to build community. I have found that shared interests are important for cultivating and strengthening community. I didn't have much in common with the majority of communities I encountered when I moved to Portland, so I decided to form my own and with my friends found people who had similar interests, which helped to build an investment in the community that was forming. Finding people who share your interests, both esoteric and otherwise, can be very helpful for establishing community, and providing a foundation of shared values that also appeals to other people who want something similar.

3. Shared responsibilities increase community participation. My first attempt at forming community didn't work because I was solely responsible for it and it was more or less a class as opposed to an actual community gathering. When I tried again, one of the things I asked for was that other people took turns presenting on topics of their own interest. By doing this, the other people became more invested and participation rose. We also made it into a social event, by making it happen around a meal and asking everyone to bring a dish of food for the meal.

4. It can be useful to keep your community semi-private. We don't post our events on social media sites such as Facebook. The community is semi-private in that people can bring guests, but the only online mention of the community typically occurs in my newsletter and in an e-list that is only for people who are part of the community. The reason it isn't public is because the community isn't automatically for everyone. It's for people who have shared interests, want to share what they are working on and also want to learn from others. The community is for people who feel called to join it and typically what I find is that a person will visit once and know shortly thereafter if s/he feels called to participate.

5. A community gels around a stable place to meet. A stable place to meet does a lot to solidify the community. Kat and I open our home up to the people in our community for our gatherings. I've noticed something similar in other stable communities and I think having one place for everyone to convene is helpful because it provides a stable physical environment that everyone knows.

Building a community of any sort takes effort and participation on the part of everyone that's involved. A community is only successful if the people involved in it make the effort to build and sustain the community together. The tips I've offered above can be helpful, but feel free to share some of yours in the comments below!

Unique

Sometimes I feel so keenly the edge of Zero,the loneliness of one I am unique I'm told as if it were a gift and blessing but such uniquity is a burden as well providing a singular vision not shared by others I see at angles no one else sees understand the universe in a way so rare that it either invokes ridicule or awe from those who witness it. I can put magic together such as you've never known to make the universe dance and sing at my caress but there's no who knows that part of me that dances on the edge of zero gazing into the merging of not and all 0 and 1 discovering the secrets of creations, the tremors of destruction the dissonant harmony of all things and none Oh what secrets I could tell you if you could find a way to walk my path but there's no one to walk this path with me no one to really understand the way I see things. I am as alone as alone can be walking this path with my secret self along tongue lolling out eyes laughing mockingly you know, you know, you know but what you don't know is so much more. I'll continue on this path awhile but I fear I won't find another soul I'm unique you see, so different as far as others can tell. There's no one here to share this journey I'm on. I'm out here on the edge singing my song, telling my story, but there's no one there to hear no one there to tell.

The Magic of your Appearance

When I was growing up, I used to believe that a person's appearance, that what s/he wore didn't matter. I had bought into this counter cultural belief that appearance didn't matter and wasn't genuine (which is ironic because every counter culture I know of has a specific image and appearance that is important and indicative of whether you belong or don't belong). My perspective on this has changed quite a bit, especially once I became self-employed. I find that appearance is important and that how you dress can help make an initial impression that is important in its own right. Your appearance has its own magic, in a sense, and I think it can be quite useful to work with that on a magical level.

The clothes you wear, while not inherently possessing magic, nonetheless do possess something else: The perceptions of other people as they look at those clothes on you. What is the image you convey, the impression that you make, the presence you embody? It is, of course, your presence, but it is a presence mediated by others as well. Tap into that mediation and what you tap into is how to turn the perceptions of others into a glamour all its own. And you know, we do it all the time. The goth wears black clothing to present a specific presence, with different ideas associated with it. To other goths, the clothes indicate belonging, and to yet other people, they indicate that the person is a goth. That's one example, but I'm sure you can think of others that apply.

When I put on a suit, I often think that what I'm really putting on is a magical garb of some sort. The suit becomes ritual garb for business meetings. It's expected at those meetings, and without it I wouldn't necessarily fit in or at least not be as accepted. Yes we can argue that its superficial to judge a person based on the clothes s/he wears, but if that's so why then does clothing matter so much? Why put all the effort into finding the right clothing for the right occasion? No one I know doesn't prepare on some level for an outing without putting attention into the appearance, what s/he will wear, and how it will appear to other people. When I put on a suit, I think about what it is supposed to convey. A suit conveys reputation, authority, as well as belonging in certain settings (and not belonging in other settings).

When you put any clothing on, take a moment to really settle into the presence of that clothing, into the message you are sending? What is your appearance trying to convey? What impressions do you want people to get? How will those impressions help you? Do the color choices of the clothing help you in your appearance or do they create some cognitive disconnect? When you wear your clothes step into them and make them part of your identity, part of what you are presenting to the world. Your appearance isn't you, but it is you...it is what you present to others, and it can be a gateway all its own.

Appearance matters. We can tell ourselves it doesn't and that its superficial to think it does matter, but when we tell ourselves such a message we are being hypocrites. After all, every time you put some thought into what you wear, you care about your appearance...it matters. I say let it matter, and step into it and make it part of your magical part, part of your work with your identity. Be present with yourself in the clothing you wear and let yourself be open to how that in and of itself speaks for you. There's magic to explore there if you are willing to be open to it.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Movement Month 14: Redirection

11-25-13 On Sunday we discovered that our water has been reduced to a trickle. We got the landlord over and he tried to figure the issue out. Tomorrow we'll have a plumber over to do a helium test, which will hopefully isolate where the leak is, but in all this I'm reminded of just how blessed I am to have water. Yes, this is an inconvenience, but compared to many people, it's just that. Kat and I are adapting as needed to handle it and that adaptation encapsulates for me the need to be able to redirect movement, to adjust to the difficulties and pleasures of life as they come your way. There is no certainty, no guarantee and what makes someone able to survive and even live is really based on how they adapt to the difficulties facing them. Do they let those difficulties define them and get them all bent out of shape or do they do what they can, get the help they need, and then focus on what's working. I've always been the latter kind of person. I might freak out for a moment and get upset, but I realize that indulging in those feelings is a waste of energy and effort that could be better applied to resolving the situation more effectively.

11-29-13 The other day, I got into an exchange with someone I consider to be a bit of a troll. This person consistently accuses other people of making fallacious arguments and then makes the same arguments. I think of this person as an Alpha Geek, the geek that always has to be right, always has to have the last word, and is always antagonistic because s/he has nothing better to do with his/her life. So I decided to set some boundaries, and let the troll know that if this person would continue to argue with me in the way s/he had previously done, I wouldn't bother responding. Not surprisingly the response was a typical alpha geek response. How I feel about it, however, is that I did the right thing. I set my boundaries and stopped participating in what I consider to be a non-constructive exchange. Instead of allowing movement to continue in a direction that had no benefit for me, and lots of frustration, I chose to re-direct and whether the person moved with me or not didn't really matter. At one time, I'd have gotten into a lot of drama with a person like that, but anymore I just don't care. I have too much I want to do with my life to spend time debating with someone who feels that s/he needs to be right more than actually engaging in constructive dialogue.

And then there's Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. Kat and I had people over for dinner. I made the Turkey, while she made stuffing and green bean casserole. Making the Turkey is my favorite part and I've actually gotten pretty good at it. There's a process of basting and applying a mixture to it so that the Turkey has a taste of herbs to it. Fun stuff that I love to do. But Thanksgiving also brings up some other memories. I actually ended up thinking about my step-mom and her kids, probably because of memories with the holidays and also because my half-brother has recently done a couple of questionable activities, which have gotten him in trouble. I feel some empathy for him, but I also feel some tough life needs to be applied, and I have a feeling neither him nor my half-sister really had much in the way of tough love applied to them. What I recall, from my childhood was that I was the scapegoat and my half-sister was the golden child who could do no wrong. And if she did something wrong, I ended up blamed for it. That never sat right with me, and I recall the last Christmas I spent with my dad and the step-mom and telling my half sister that Santa wasn't real. I'll admit I told her out of a bit of spite and she believed it. My step-mom was furious and yelled at me, grabbed me and and then grounded me. I realize now I told my half-sister that because I wanted to take something from her, from her mom too, because of how I'd been treated. I wanted them both to feel some of the pain they'd caused me. And I say that not because I feel guilty about it now (I don't), but because I realize how much my interactions from those early years plays a role in the narrative of my life and my interactions with other people. My way of handling people in power has been to sneak around and sabotage them. I've done it in personal relationships, professional relationships, and everything in between. It's passive aggressive (and I own that), but it was learned because I didn't feel I could really speak or be me. I had to fit into a role and I didn't like that role...and I see that replicated throughout my life and where I do feel bad about it has more to do with how it has affected people in my life more recently. Because the thing is, I'm not in that dynamic anymore and I didn't have to be at any time in my adult life, and yet there it is...My baggage, my issues put me into that role, no one else. I own that and I also own the responsibility and power I have to change that. I don't have to keep doing the same movement again and again and again...it's my choice if I choose to do so.

11-30-2013 I painted tonight, closed myself off from everything and everyone and just painted. My paintings are highly personal. I share them, but they are for my spiritual work, and I've decided that I'll never put them up for sale, partially because of that reason and partially because I'd suspect that if anyone did my buy my paintings they'd do so more because I'd painted them than for the aesthetic quality of the paintings. I've actually mulled having my paintings destroyed when I die for those reasons. Not sure if I will or won't, but I lean more toward having them destroyed in the event of my death.

12-4-13 I did a talk on networking at one of the chambers I'm a member of. As I got ready to do the talk, I felt myself get restless. It used to be that I got nervous, but now its restless, eager, anticipatory, wanting to move, ready to move, ready to share. When I came up to speak, I felt myself come alive. Truth is I love professional speaking, because it can be quite a rush to share a message, to fully get into the moment and become a conduit for what you are sharing. Afterwards you realize it's time to ground, go back into yourself, but while you are speaking, it's something else...

Some days its hard to exercise. I think of exercise as a redirection of movement, because I'm re-directing myself to exercise instead of continuing to work or be a couch potato. There are days when exercise seems easy to do and days where all that keeps me doing it is my commitment to my health. On those days, the need to redirect my thoughts and movement are the strongest because all I really want to do is not exercise, yet I know that exercising will make me feel better in the long run, and even in the short run. It's that awareness which keeps me going, keeps me exercising, keeps me realizing that the way to being healthier isn't to give into what's easiest, but to focus on what's most important.

12-8-13 Yesterday I hit a wall. Actually I'd been hitting that wall the last few days, but yesterday was when I acknowledged it. I didn't feel inspired to write and in fact was at a loss as to what to write. When I feel that way, it hits hard because for me, writing is my medium of expression. So I started to do some layout work, while watching an episode of Star Trek Voyager and in the episode one of the characters was told to take a break and I stopped and I realized I needed to take a break from the computer, from writing, editing and layout and do something else, so I went to my bedroom and curled up with some books and my PS Vita and alternated between playing video games and reading. And it really did something for my mood because part way through reading I got an idea for an article I'm going to write. I still didn't write, because I realized I needed to give myself permission to just take a break and do something that wasn't focused on trying to generate an idea to write about.

Today, when I did my meditations, I went in deep. I felt/saw/experienced the various forms of movement in my life, becoming those movements, allowing myself to be those movements. There's no other way to really explain it, but it was a profound experience of movement as an element.

12-13-13 Sometimes in order to re-direct a movement you need to actually experience the movement in full to understand how it works and how it affects your life. Then, with that understand, you can make changes to the movement and re-direct it into a direction that is more beneficial to you. It might seem odd to actually go through a movement without changing it, but I don't think change can effectively occur without understanding the original movement.

12-17-13 I hung up the two paintings I recently created. One is hung on the wall over the bed, and the other is hung on the ceiling over the bed. One is used to invoke the sphere of art, which functions similar to a tesseract space/time magical working, and the other is used to interface directly with the cross roads, as a space/time junction of sorts. Both paintings function together and are an essential part of my continued space/time work. What fascinates me is how you can bind a given magical operation to a symbol or tool, like a painting, and then call it forth when you need it, instantly performed. I build a lot my magical tools that way, as I find it useful to have certain operations automated, but it's not something I see with most other people's works. I feel that if you can capture the essence of a practice and embody it into an object, it should effectively be something you can use to call forth that actual working.

12-18-13 Every movement a person makes is chosen. It can be an unconscious or conscious choice, but it is always chosen by him/her as part of his/her life and intention. Something to contemplate further, as I consider my own movements and how I've chosen them both consciously and unconsciously. I realized today that my choices, when it came to significant partners in my life, has been modeled of one degree or another by my interactions with my step-mom. How Freudian, right? But nonetheless certain patterns of strictness and behavior display themselves in different ways with the people I've gotten involved and I recognize that in some way I've been trying to resolve that relationship, to find closure to what happened to me early on, and it has played out in the various relationships I've been in. Makes me look at those relationships with different eyes, different awareness of myself and my movements, and how I will move as I continue on in this journey of life.

Some further awareness on this topic after considering what I meditated on. With just about every person of authority in my life, I have always, on some level, resented their authority and done my best to subvert it, and do what I wanted. It's not the most mature way to handle such issues, in large part because I presume the person has authority, instead of actually developing a relationship of equals. And while its true as a child that my step mom had authority over me, it certainly needn't apply to my life now, and yet I can safely say I have applied it to my relationships and that as a result I have sabotaged those relationships. I have not stepped up to be the man I could be, or the person I could be in my relationships (and yes I think there is a distinction between the two). And while my respective exes share some burden of the responsibility for the relationship, so do I, and while I've claimed that responsibility, I've never claimed it in this way, because I've never really understood that aspect of myself which responds to authority in quite the way that my work with movement has revealed it to me. I feel like I've had a critical moment of awareness occur, which has helped me better understand so many of my choices, not just in terms of behavior, but life choices as well. With such understanding comes change, and fortunately I've already been in a process of change that has shifted my approach to relationships from one where I've sought authority, to one where I seek a relationship of equals.

12-22-13 For the yule version of the magical experiments community meeting I presented on the elemental balancing work and on my work with movement. It was interesting to watch people react to the recognition that committing to the kind of work will change your life. A couple of people acknowledged that they felt uncomfortable with the level of commitment involved and with how it could change their lives. I get that, and yet I feel it important to really call out just how intense this kind of work can be. You do this kind of work and it does change you. It changes your relationships, it changes your sense of self. It calls on you to get serious and own your shit instead of continuing to act it out. If you're not experiencing changes as a result of doing this kind of work, you're not doing it right. This work is intentional and it calls on you to be intentional about your life. And it's not an easy process. If you were to meet the person who first started doing this work nine years ago, you'd have met a very chaotic individual. Over the last nine years, a lot of the rough edges have been worked out, but as with anything there is a cost. And while I don't think all of my life changes in the last 9 years are due solely to the elemental balancing work, I do think it's played a significant role in those changes.

So I noted their reactions and told them that the work could be hard, but also rewarding. At the same time, it's a calling of sorts. You don't do this kind of work on a whim....you do it because you accept the need to change your life and change how you live it. I'd do it all again, because that work, as hard as it has been, has also been liberating. So much of the dross has fallen away and I feel that my life has become much more stable overall, and that I've also focused more on my callings in life because the distractions have been cleared away.

12-23-13 Kat and I got new phones today. We'd gotten fed up with AT&T, which has poor service for where we live. And why do I mention this seemingly mundane detail? This month is about re-direction and it seems fitting to include that as part of the month. Beyond that, we visited the Chinese Gardens, which allowed me to rewrite a memory as well as experience Kat's first visit to the garden. The Chinese Gardens are a magical place. It feels like you look through different windows and see different realities. I feel that as I continue this working, I'm moving into a different reality as ell. Where I'll end up, I don't know, but the destination is perhaps the journey itself as opposed to any specific place.

Pop Culture Identity ideas

I've recently picked up some books on pop culture studies, to supplement the existing ones I had, and to help me with the research aspect of Pop Culture Magic 2.0. While I've written the first chapter of the book, I've felt the need to temporarily focus more on research and experimentation, and this has proven to be a wise idea. One of the books I'm reading is Textual Poachers by Henry Jenkins. I wish I'd read it back when I was writing Pop Culture Magick, because it would've supported a lot of the arguments I made about pop culture, but better later than never. What's most fascinating about the book thus far, is the focus on how fans have made their own interpretations of pop culture, and in a sense created their own identities around pop culture.

Textual Poachers was written over twenty years ago, but I see the same trends in pop culture now, and if anything they are much more significant. Cosplay, for example, speaks to how fans become characters they like, and in turn have their own identities shaped by that interaction. I've written about this topic in Multi-Media Magic, but what fascinates about it now, even more than before, is how identity pops up as an element of pop culture. I feel that the evolution of pop culture magic involves the integration of identity as an essential part of making pop culture a viable medium of magic.

When I examine pop culture now, as opposed to ten years ago, what stands out is how much pop culture seems to involve integrating the people into it. Cosplay is one example, but video games are another, and social media is yet another. There's this creation of multiple identities all linked together, sharing the identity of a person, but also changing that identity via the mediums being utilized. My own experiments with different forms of media as part of the formation of identity has shown me how much those mediums can help you experiment with your identity and map new behaviors and habits onto it as a result of describing the role those behavior/s habits have on you. It indicates to me just how much the identity of a person goes beyond a person's physical expression of that identity (i.e. body) and shows up in the person's life through their art, pictures, textual interactions. At the same time, I think the body is being integrated even more into explorations of identity and pop culture certainly plays a role in that exploration.

I feel that an evolution of pop culture magic will more than ever necessitate the participation of the magician in pop culture, not merely as a replicator of a given pop culture, but a creator of pop culture content that also is an expression of his/her identity and magical work (whether overtly or subtly). The magician mediates pop culture, becomes pop culture, is an expression of pop culture, and brings all of that back into his/her own sense of identity. There's a cycle there and it's one I'm hoping to explore more thoroughly as I continue to research, experiment, and write the book.

Book Review: Predictably Irrational: The Hidden Forces that shape our Decisions by Dan Ariely

In this book, Dan Ariely shares the irrational aspects of our behavior and shows just how much sway and influence those aspects have in our decision making processes. We are far from being rational and logical about our choices, but fool ourselves into believing we're rational (which is irrational in and of itself). Through a variety of case studies, Ariely demonstrates how irrational we are, as well as showing how different environmental influences effect us. He explores the relationship we have with social and business behaviors, money, as well as stealing, dishonesty, and a variety of other behaviors that are all part of our irrational makeup. This is a must read book if you want to understand your own decision making process better and if you are fascinated with human behavior.

Why Practice informs the development of Theory

In my most recent article on Pagan Square, I discussed part 2 of the literacy of magic. I also gotten into an interesting discussion with a commenter. He argued that it was possible for a person to be a theorist in magic without actually practicing it. My response in kind was:

And I disagree with the notion that you can be an armchair theorist and know magic. You may know of magic, but that's different from actually knowing it. To know it is to practice it, to make it a meaningful part of your life, as opposed to just an intellectual understanding.

Having met all too many armchair magicians in my life, I can safely say they weren't even theorists, because all they could really talk about was what someone else had done. To be a theorist involves practicing magic because you necessarily need to have experience working magic before you can develop theories of your own on how magic works. Theorizing without practice isn't theory...it's speculation by a person too afraid to commit to the necessary rigors that any practice brings to any discipline.

Practice is an integral part of theory for the reason I explained above. Without practice, you cannot know magic, and you can't effectively develop a theory either. Any theory is defined by the practice and work that has gone into the theory. A theory is based off practices that are done again and again to obtain the same results. When we "theorize" without practice, then we are speculating. We don't know one way or another if our "theory" is correct or incorrect.

Practice brings with it a necessary rigor that allows the practitioner to challenge his/her own preconceived notions. that function, more than anything else, is why consistent practice is important. When we consistently practice magic, what we are are really doing is consistently applying ourselves to doing the necessary work that comes with any discipline, and consequently developing theories that are informed by the work we do.

I feel compelled to write about this this topic because what I see occur sometimes is a muddying of the distinction between theory and speculation. Anyone can speculate and many do to their hearts' content, but speculation doesn't make you an expert or prove that you know what you're talking about. It just proves you're good at bullshitting about magic. But I want more than that from someone who wants to talk magic. I want someone who can point to their own experiences and explain how those experiences informs their awareness of what magic is or how it works. Then I know the person knows magic, as opposed to knowing of magic (and even that can be argued). As I mentioned above, what I've encountered with armchair magicians is not a comprehensive knowledge of magic, but a lot of pontification, speculation and knowledge of a given occultist (usually Crowley) . It doesn't impress me. They don't know magic, no matter how much they might believe otherwise. Knowing magic demands much more...it demands practice and a willingness to put yourself out there and test what you can do. Not everyone can or will step up, but you'll always know who the real practitioners are , because what they'll speak of demonstrates how they've applied magic to their lives.

Book Review: Make Magic of Your Life by T. Thorn Coyle

This book is a useful guide for doing internal work and connecting with what you desire. The author provides exercises to help the reader work on him/herself, as well illustrating concepts with anecdotes. If you are someone who feels like you're out of touch with life or unhappy with the direction your life is going, pick this book up and do the exercises. You will certainly obtain clarity as a result and be better able to manifest what you truly want because you'll have worked out the internal tensions stopping you from being successful. The author will challenge you to be authentic with yourself and will help you take the steps to reach that goal.

Two Space/Time Magic Paintings

I've been meditating on several symbols I was given during a recent workshop I did with R. J. Stewart and Annastacia Nutt. I found that these symbols are very relevant for my spiritual work, especially with space/time magic and I was told recently that I needed to paint them. Below is the first one:

This one is called cross roads, and represents the intersection of the cross roads. As I meditated on the image of the cross roads as it related to space/time magic, it became very clear how much the crossroads can play a role in choosing to manifest a distinct possibility as a reality. The next painting is below:

This painting is the Sphere of art, representing the the three zeros as they interact to create a precise point of space/time which is removed from the rest. This is something I've been working with since I first started reading William Gray's work. R. J. was an actual student of Gray and has taken the concept and extended it further in his own way and I've found it to be very helpful in my work.

What Defines Advanced Magic?

Recently I finished reading Advanced Magical Arts by R. J. Stewart (see below for the review) and one of the questions I ended up asking is what defines advanced magic? As I read the book, what I took away from it wasn't necessarily what I'd consider to be advanced magic, but I recognized that the context of the material, i.e. how it would be used and who would use it would necessarily inform the perception of it being advanced magic. In other words, because the material is part of a specific magical tradition, for people in that tradition it would be considered advanced magic. However, out of that context the material wouldn't necessarily be advanced magic, and this made me consider that advanced magic is something which can be hard to define, because what one person considers advanced magic another person won't.

I posted an article on the literacy of magic, which I feel illustrates this issue, because a given literacy of magic is similarly hard to define, especially when you consider that different people from different traditions have varying ideas about how important magic is or isn't to their spiritual practices. So where then lies advanced magic and what makes advanced magic advanced? I think that part of what makes a given magical practice advanced has more to do with the practitioner than the techniques. What amount of time and practice has the person put into magic? How has that practice shaped him/her and his/her experience of the world?

Magic is a personal experience as much as its a spiritual force to be worked with, and I think that advanced magic is similar really. All the books, tools, artifacts etc., are not in and of themselves advanced magic. They just serve to provide insight on magic, but ultimately you are needed to experience whatever advanced magic is. You are the ultimate component and your work with magic is what makes it significant to your life. You could read my books, R.J.'s or any other author's book and what you'll see are collections of techniques and practices, but what makes any of it come to life is you, more so than anything else. It's good to remember that, because then you recognize the ultimate authority in your spiritual isn't some author or tool or deity. The ultimate authority is you and what you do with magic speaks more to its significance and the advancement of your spiritual path than any words I or anyone else could offer. At best, whatever influences your practice hopefully inspires you to continue developing your spiritual practice, but you will know you are an advanced magician when you can take hat you've learned and make it your own, while also developing your own practices.

Book Review: Advanced Magical Arts by R. J. Stewart

In this book the author shares a number of rituals and walks the reader through the mechanics of each ritual, as well as explaining the underlying process that informs the ritual. These rituals are specific to the magical tradition the author is part of, so what makes this an advanced book on magic has more to do with the tradition itself, and how the rituals in this book contribute to a person progressing through that tradition. Beyond that particular facet, the book doesn't necessarily lead to a more advanced understanding of magic in general. A lot of what the author shares can be applied across tradition, in terms of the mechanics, but you'll find similar instructions in those traditions. With that said this is a good book to have in your magical library if you are interested in western esotericism and in particular with utilizing magic for spiritual work.

Why DIY and Tradition ground each other in magical work

Jason Miller recently wrote a post arguing that DIY magic is overrated. He makes a good point about DIY Magic and how it can be overemphasized to the point that a person ignores tradition. In my own experience, you can't effectively experiment with magic or DIY it (if you prefer) until you've grounded yourself in the traditions/foundations of magical work. While I'm a big proponent of experimentation and personalizing magic I agree with Jason that you need to know what's come before in order to understand what you can do with what you've got.

My own magical practice is grounded in tradition, in so much as I've studied various works of authors and replicated their practices before experimenting with them. I am, unlike Jason, not part of any formal occult lodge or order, so in that sense I've never belonged to a spiritual tradition (nor felt called to), but I've always believed that understanding magic involves learning from the people who came before me, and that in order to effectively experiment its essential to ground yourself in the theory and practice provided by others. The choice to ground yourself in the work of others doesn't mean you unconditionally accept everything they've written or done, but rather that you try it and learn it before you experiment.

At the same time, I think that experimentation is essential for advancing tradition. It can be all too easy to get caught up in tradition and mired down by what others have done, but when you do so, you lose an essential part of magic which is found in the creative experimentation with it. DIY is one approach to experimentation and what it provides us is a way to create our own tools for magic, to personalize what we do, based on the intimate recognition that knowing magic can ultimately be a very personal act. now such DIY can't effectively happen without being grounded in tradition. For example, while I paint my evocation circles and sigils, which are a DIY tool, before I even do that I make initial contact with the spirit and get its insights on the process because I understand it to be an essential part of the magical work I'm doing.

What tradition really provides is context for DIY to occur in. In other words, just going and experimenting without really having a foundation in traditional approaches to magic isn't going to work very well, for the simple reason that you can't even call what you are doing experimentation. You don't know enough to experiment without having a foundational knowledge in magic that provides you enough context to question it and examine how you could improve on what you know. That's what tradition provides...the experiences and knowledge to allow you to question what you know and change it.

What DIY does for tradition is show how the tradition can evolve and change. What tradition does is ground DIY by providing perspectives of what came before. Both are needed in magic, and neither is necessarily better than the other. A magician who knows what s/he is doing is able to draw on tradition as well as do DIY magic, and should be able to get consistent results with both.

Upcoming Correspondence and Live Classes

Look below to see the classes I'll be teaching over the next few months. Several of the classes are live, in person events, while one of them is a correspondence course

The Process of Magic Class Round 7 starts on Wed Dec 11th.

Magic is a process that changes you and your relationship with the world, if you understand how the process works.

In this 24 lesson class, we will explore what the process of magic is and how it applies to you and your magical work. If you’re looking for a different perspective on magic that explores the underlying principles of how magic works, instead of focusing on the tools, ceremonies, and other optional features, this class is for you. -

Learn more...

2 live class special January 26th at Deforest House in Portland, OR for Alchemy of Breath and Ritual Sonics. Bring a Friend and Save $10 each on the class

Alchemy of Breath

Your breath is the gate to inner alchemy, which is the cultivation of your internal energy for spiritual work and practical magic. 

In this class we will explore the magic of breathing and how you can use breath to tap into and cultivate internal energy for physical wellness, spiritual well-being, and for practical magic. Your breath is a tool that can help you improve the quality of your life and access reservoirs of power within you, if you know how to work with it.

Learn more...

Ritual Sonics

Your voice is a powerful magical tool that can change your spiritual relationship with the world, if you know how to work with it.

In this class we will explore the relationship between sound and magic, and you’ll learn how to apply your voice to your spiritual work. Even if you are an off-key singer, this class will be fun and teach you how to use and appreciate the spiritual beauty of your voice.

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Mark your Calendars! Weaving the Web: Using space and Time to Enhance your Magical Practice happens on March 29th and 30th.

Space and Time are a web that weaves the possibilities of magic into the realities of life. When you learn to weave the web of space and time, you learn how to manifest possibility into reality.

In weaving the web, you will learn how to work with Space and Time as distinct principles of magic that can be applied to your life and spiritual practices. These principles of magic can fit with any spiritual tradition, while allowing you to enhance the effectiveness of your magical work, as you apply it to your life.

Learn more...

Breathing practices and movement work

I've been learning some moving meditation from a book I've been reading on Dzogchen, as well as some suggested breathing exercises. It's meshed nicely with what I already do for my daily work, but I've also noticed some interesting effects. The exercises I do don't involve any leg movement (you sit in the full lotus position). You move your neck, torso, your arms, and your pelvis, as well as the perineal muscles. There's a series of exercises you do and each of them is to help you with an elemental energy. What I noticed when I did the exercises is that I felt connected to my body more closely, both during the meditation and afterwards. I also felt that I connected with my internal energy and that doing the exercises circulated the energy.

One night after doing these exercises I did go through a bout of insomnia where I intimately felt connected to my body to the point that I felt every sensation and couldn't do anything to get the sensations to stop. Every itch, ache, and other feeling stood out in sharp relief. This lasted for a few hours. Eventually it subsided and I was able to sleep but it stood out to me and I realized doing the meditation was probably what caused the experience. This didn't stop me from doing it the next day, but I made sure to cycle the energy down a bit when I went to sleep.

Another thing I've been working on is a breathing exercise. With the breathing exercise, when you inhale, you pause and then inhale again. After that you exhale. the inhale, pause, inhale is done in order to use your lungs to their full capacity. I'd never come across this particular breathing technique before, but I've been doing it as I do the exercises and that also seems to contribute to the intimate experience of body awareness that I felt.

From Healing with Form, Energy and Light

"Realizing the nature of mind, we find that what we are in the inseparable state of awareness and emptiness. When we realize that, we realize the essence of space. If we abide in the nature of mind, merged with space rather than identified with what arises in space, there is an effect in life. There is nothing to defend no self that needs protecting because our own nature is spacious and can accommodate everything...Space is the ground of everything, the fundamental reality. We generally think of earth as representing groundedness, and it does as long as we believe ourselves to be one thing separate from everything else. In duality, earth is the ground, space is the absence of ground. But in Dzogchen, space is the ground. The practitioner merged with space is more grounded than earth because he or she is the space in which earth exists"

This saying, to me, fits what I've experienced doing the meditations. It's a feeling of clarity, a feeling of emptiness and awareness, a realization of space. I feel like I am everywhere and nowhere. I experience my body and its place in the world differently than before. I'm going to continue pursuing this meditation and seeing where it takes me as I feel it'll be useful for both the internal work I'm doing and some of my experiments.

Book Review: Healing with Form, Energy and Light by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche

This is a fascinating book which explores the elemental principles of spiritual work done in Dzogchen and Tibetan Shamanism. The author shares how to work with elements and provides practical exercises that can be done by the reader, provided s/he is willing to put the time and effort in. I like this book because I feel that it provides further insight into Tibetan spiritual practices and how they work, as well as how they can be integrated into your practice. The author does an excellent job of explaining the concepts and practices. If you are interested in Tibetan spiritual practices, read this book, as well as the other books by the author.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Movement Month 13: Opening Up

10-23-13 The last couple of days I've been working with the three tree spirits and one of the things I've been doing is just opening up to them so that I can let them in and let myself feel the interaction with them. This is not something which comes easily to me. Despite how open I might seem on this blog, in truth I am a fairly closed and guarded person, who rarely lets people (let alone anything else) in beyond a certain point. Something Kat has been teaching me is how to open up to someone I genuinely trust and love. I've been teaching her the same thing, and its a lesson that takes time to learn. So I've been allowing myself to open up to the trees and connect with them on a deep level. When I work with them, I can feel their presence in my body and that has some interesting sensations on its own which has been helpful for me to experience. I am reminded that as much as I am comfortable in some ways with myself and my body and the experience of feeling, in some ways I am not and I am just now allowing myself to be open to the experiences.

10-25-13 I'm frustrated today. My main computer had an update for windows 8.1 and I updated it and then the wireless no longer worked. So I tried to fix it and ended up creating more of a problem. Fortunately I have a professional who can help (hopefully), but afterwards I decided to meditate and calm myself. I knew I couldn't do anything else about the situation and I also knew that what I really needed to do was simply allow myself to feel the emotion and then let go. I've done what I can, and now I can let go.

10-26-13 One of the ways I've been opening up has involved allowing myself to really acknowledge the level of love that Kat has for me. I have never experienced being so loved until her. Indeed when I look back at previous relationships what I see, both on my part, and on the part of others, is conditional love, but with Kat I've come to recognize it is unconditional love. She loves me for me, as opposed to what I can do for her or what role I can play. It's truly an amazing gift.

10-29-13 I've gotten nothing done in the last few days. When these occasional moods hit me, it's hard because I'm functional enough to take care of clients and do networking for the business coach business, but that ends up being the extent of it. This particular bit of malaise was brought on by the main computer crashing, which I now have back, but regardless of what the cause is, the end result is not much gets done. Inevitably I wind myself back up and get more done, but it hits hard.

10-30-13 Today I got myself motivated enough to do more, to get moving. And I had an interesting meditation on a symbol given to me during the Oak, Ash, and Thorn workshop. As I meditated on the symbol, the symbol itself went away and I experienced this multi-colored space. Every time I tried to go back to the symbol I was told to let go and open myself to the experience, as well as being told not to mistake the symbol for the experience. So I opened myself to the experience and at some point the subject of measurement came up, and how measurement is used to define reality and also to turn possibility into reality. It reminded me of definitions and reality (and isn't a measurement just another type of definition). It makes me realize how much measurements and definitions are used to mediate experiences such as space.

11-1-13 Sometimes it's important to know when to put the brakes on movement. Yes we can allow ourselves to be moved, but at the same time it's important to consider what we're moving toward. From my own experiences, I've allowed myself to get swept up in a feeling and to act on that feeling without considering the consequences. The problem that occurs is that when you allow yourself to be moved without examining what you are moving toward, you can find yourself in a place you didn't plan to be in. Its like being on a boat in a river, where you don't use the oars. you're moving along fine and dandy, but because you are taking the time to direct the movement, you go down a waterfall or sink your boat on the rapids. Yes, we need to let ourselves be moved, but we also need to provide some direction for that movement, in order to recognize how that movement is effecting not just ourselves but the people around us. This isn't always easy to do, but it is always necessary.

11-2-13 In meditation today I worked further with a symbol I'd been given during the Oak, Ash, and Thorn workshop. What's interesting is that as I worked with the symbol, I applied a 3 d perspective to it and it created seven directions as a result, which is something that occurs in the Sphere of Art work, as well as the zeroing work that William G. Gray did. It also occurs in the quablistic sigil of the cube of space. It's fascinating to see the parallels. I'm going to start working with the other symbols in tandem to see what I discover.

11-4-13 Sometimes I think I'm a beautiful, toxic, monster. It's an odd belief to have about one's self and it's not something I feel nearly so much as I used to, but on occasion it does come to the surface. In a conversation with Kat last night, and in meditation as well, I acknowledged that I have trouble letting other people take responsibility for their end of things. I'm inclined to take all of the responsibility on myself. It's something I learned early from my step mom and its something which I've seen replicated since in other relationships. I learned early on that I was responsible for everything wrong. If my half-sister did something wrong, I ended up getting blamed. And I took that with me into interactions I have even now. I told Kat that on some level I do recognize that there is shared responsibility, but that emotionally its something I'm still processing. Accepting that other people share responsibility is hard for me, in a sense, because if I accept that it also means I give up some control of the situation. However it's something I'm going to work on because I think it'd be healthy for me to do.

11-5-13 Some further thoughts about other people taking responsibility and how I relate to it. I've always felt that if I let other people take responsibility and validate my feelings that I'm taking away from the validation of their feelings. Again this is a pattern I see going all the way back to my step mom. It's not something which really makes sense, and its actually quite harmful because I'm not really opening up when I don't take the time to acknowledge my own feelings and pain on a given issue. I also realize it doesn't really allow me to connect with someone when I don't share what I'm feeling or allow myself to accept that a person is willing to take responsibility.

11-7-13 Opening up and sharing what you're feeling without trying to blame, without trying to guilt...sharing for acknowledgement and release. Opening up and acknowledging that responsibility can be shared. That's what the last couple of days has been like. I've been doing some dissolving in my meditation and today I ended up meditating about past regrets of people past and allowed myself to stop taking all the responsibility and let some of it go to the other people involved. I think so much of my regret has really been taking on too much responsibility. And I don't know if any of those people I meditated on ever did or didn't own their share of things, but it wasn't really about that. It was about me acknowledging I didn't need to be wholly responsible and that I could allow someone else to share in the responsibility. That feels healthier for me.

11-11-13 Today I tried out movement exercises from Healing with Form, Energy, and Light by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche. When I tried these movements out, what really stuck with me is how present I became with my body and how good that felt to me. It's similar to how I feel after exercising, but also different, because I felt myself go into a different altered state of consciousness that was more meditative and energy oriented. In fact as I did the movements, I could feel my internal energy respond (as I've shared in a separate post) and it felt comfortable to me. I'm going to continue these daily practices because I feel they will help me connect even more meaningfully with movement as an element.

Kat and I also got into some deep conversations this weekend about shared responsibility. It feels good to share responsibility with her and to acknowledge my own need for responsibility to be shared. I was able to say a few things that I'd been holding onto and it made me feel more present with her as a result. And it also made me realize how much of a team we already are, which is something I'd never felt previously with other people. We also meditated on one of the symbols I'd gotten from the workshop and fond that there was a lot of connection to the sphere of Art and William Gray's Omnil/zeroing practice. I'm not really surprised at that, but it goods to see that someone else got a similar result.

11-13-13 I meditated on another symbol today and it provided another layer to what I'd already been meditating on. I ended up actually combining the two symbols, and they did so seamlessly. Memory and imagination provide the context of past and future, and when combined provide the present as well. The vertice of space provides the base reality through which the horizontal probability of time flow, while Imaginary Time provides access to both improbable and probable possibilities that can be used to shape reality. A possibility becomes more improbably the more it is based in memory (past) or imagination (future). It becomes more probable when it can be linked to space (typically closer to the present). However improbable possibilities shouldn't stop a magician (in fact a seemingly improbable possibility can become very probable with the right planning and actions linked to magical work). I feel like what I've received is further refining my system of space/time magic and it's something I look forward to developing in even further detail.

Some further reading of Healing with Form, Energy, and Light unearthed this gem: "Though practice will not remove all the difficulties of a life, it will lead the practitioner to better ways to deal with problems...Most people don't know how to be with a problem and often don't have a good method of working with difficulties. Instead they have the pervasive idea that problems have substantial causes and that the resolution of the problems lie there...Some people think that to accept problems is to support them, that acceptance means not addressing problems, but that is not what I mean. Accepting that there will always be problems means opening to all of life, not only to what is positive, but to everything."

He makes a really good point. There will always be problems and its ok to accept that, to accept them and be present with them. I think, from my own experiences, I've tended toward trying to solve problems, trying to move away from them, but not always really making the effort to be present with them. If internal work has taught me anything its that your problems are part of you and unescapable, but that they don't have to define you. Additionally if you make time to really sit with them, really be present with them what you can uncover is so much more than the "cause." You can uncover a lot by just being present. Learning to sit with your problems can also teach you to really be present with yourself and others effected by those problems. Instead of trying to run toward a solution, toward a place of not having the problem, why not accept it and really explore it? It will likely be uncomfortable, but it will also teach you a lot.

11-16-2013 I'm listening to The Rolling Stones song "Down in the Hole." It's a song I listen to whenever I'm feeling down on myself. It's a great song to listen to when you feel like crap because it just hits those feelings and expresses them (which I think is a good thing). Today I was working on the web and flyer copy for a couple different classes coming up. Writing copy, for me, is hard work because it's really focused on concisely explaining why someone should sign up for a class, but a book etc. I can do it, and I even have a formula for it, but it challenges me as a writer. But that's not why I'm listening to this song.

I'm listening to this song because I'm feeling a bit down on myself today. Call it the movement working or the Dark night of the soul I'm experiencing due to Pluto being in my chart. Call it just letting myself feel those feelings and be open to them, and letting the song express those feelings for me. I think maybe why I'm listening to this song as well is because I'm working my tail off as a self-employed business person and while its a journey getting incrementally better, it's taking a lot of work to get those increments. I'm not complaining, because I know that's true for many people who go out to be self-employed, but listening to this song lets me, for a moment, just be in that hole and allow myself to feel the pain and hurt I sometimes feel. Because sometimes I do feel it...sometimes I just suffer, just like anyone else I suppose. And I don't have a problem admitting I feel this way sometimes. It's a lot less often than it used to be, but sometimes I feel this way, and today is one of those days.

11-20-13 Something I've discovered through experience is that the more secrets you hold onto, the more weighed down you get by all the crap that comes with those secrets. I guess a collective "duh!" might be in order, but I think for most people this isn't nearly the common sense it seems to be. Because the truth is we carry secrets with us all the time and not just the obvious ones either, but also the small secrets, ones that you keep from yourself as well as others. the secret can even be something where instead of being about how you feel, you say you're fine. And it all adds up eventually. I think that the so-called mid-life crisis is an example of secrets adding up to a point where the person just has to do something to get those secrets off him/herself.

For me opening up isn't just about opening up to someone else, but also opening up to me. It's about letting the walls down within myself so that I can know and trust myself better, and consequently extend that to the really important people in my life. It's about letting go of the secrets I've held onto, large and small, and seeing them for what they really are: Not protective defenses that keep me from being hurt, but walls of a prison that keep me from really connecting meaningfully with people in my life. I see that as I continue to open up to Kat, while it may not initially be easy, it does makes the relationship much better because there is openness between us. But first I need to be willing to open up to myself so that I can be truly present with myself, instead of continuing to act out old patterns of behavior. Doing that allows me to be ready to open up to other people.

And how all that relates to movement? Movement is a lot easier when you aren't carrying burdens that hold you back from really being present.