elemental magic

How I Practice Elemental Magic Beyond the Traditional Elements

Elemental magic

This is how I practice elemental magic without relying on the traditional four or five elements. Instead of deciding that an experience belongs to fire or water, I treat the force I am actually dealing with, movement, stillness, creativity, emptiness, connection, as an element in its own right. I call the practice the Elemental Balancing Ritual and I have worked it for years. If you have found correspondence tables useful but limiting, this is written for you.

When people talk about elemental magic, they usually start with a familiar map. Fire means one set of things. Water means another. Air, Earth, and sometimes Spirit complete the system. The correspondences are useful, and I am not interested in telling anyone that a traditional model is wrong simply because it is traditional. What I discovered is that the model stopped working for me when it became a substitute for encountering what was actually happening.

If I decide in advance that a feeling, a behavior, or a situation belongs to fire, I have already constrained what I can learn from it. I have given it a folder and filed it away. I may have a label for the experience, but I have not necessarily met it. That is the problem I eventually had with correspondence-heavy elemental work. I could make an association, but the association was often doing more work than my actual experience was. [1]

My answer was not to invent a larger and more complicated table of correspondences. It was to treat the thing I was actually working with as an element in its own right. Movement became an element. Stillness became an element. Emptiness, creativity, connection, truth, and love became elements. I approached each one as a force with its own felt presence in my life, instead of forcing it into a category that had been made before I encountered it. [1]

That approach became the basis of what I call the Elemental Balancing Ritual. I have practiced it for years, through changes in my magical work, my creative life, my relationships, my bodywork, and the parts of myself I would rather not have faced. This is not an attempt to turn those years into a tidy success story. It is an account of a practice that repeatedly asked more of me than I expected.

The ritual is not a fixed ceremony with a script that someone else can perform exactly as I do. It is a way of working. I choose a force that is alive in my life, give it sustained attention, and let the work show me what that force actually means in practice. Sometimes that happens in meditation or qi gong. Sometimes it shows up in a difficult conversation, a creative block, a decision I do not want to make, or an old pattern I have been carrying for too long. The point is not to impose an answer. The point is to enter into a relationship with the element and remain present long enough to learn from it.

Why I Stopped Treating the Elements as Categories

Traditional elemental systems can provide an accessible language for experience. They can also become a way to avoid experience. If I say that movement is like fire, I can borrow fire’s associations of activity, will, passion, or transformation. But movement is not only activity. It can be a decision, a transition, a resistance, a regret, a carefully planned action, or the gradual change that occurs because I have finally stopped pretending that something is working.

So I began with a different premise: the force I am working with deserves to be encountered directly. I do not deny its relationship to other forces. I do not treat it as isolated from my body, my history, or the people in my life. I simply refuse to assume that I understand it because I can classify it.

“Instead of associating movement with a classic element, I’ve made it into its own element.” [1]

That distinction matters. Calling movement an elemental force did not give me control over movement. It made me more accountable to it. I had to notice where I was moving too quickly, where I was using activity to avoid a feeling, where I was asking a desire to carry more weight than it could, and where I needed to stop before I made a choice I would later regret.

The same was true of fire. I had to let go of the easy assumption that fire simply meant passion. In my work with fire, I came to see how readily passion can become consumption. A fire consumes its fuel. A fixation can consume a person. If I pursued intensity without asking what I was feeding, I could burn myself and the people around me. [2]

This is why I do not present the Elemental Balancing Ritual as a better correspondence system. It is not. It is a different orientation. It asks, “What is this force doing in my life?” before it asks, “What does this force correspond to?” The answer is often inconvenient. That is part of why the practice has been useful.

How the Practice Actually Works

The practice begins by choosing an element. In my case, that may be a classic element, but it has more often been a force or condition that I need to understand. I do not select a theme because it sounds impressive. I select it because it is already present, because it is creating friction, or because it is asking to be understood in a more complete way.

A working is not a month-long essay assignment. A month is simply a container for attention. I record what happens as I work. That may mean journaling after meditation, noting a pattern in a relationship, writing down an energetic shift during qi gong, or recognizing that the same question is returning through several apparently unrelated situations. The record matters because it keeps me from revising the work into a story that only makes sense in retrospect. It lets me see what I was actually resisting, what I was repeating, and what changed slowly rather than all at once.

I use whatever practices are appropriate to the work at hand. Taoist dissolving work and qi gong have been important for me, particularly when I am experiencing a blockage, a tension, or an emotion that I am trying to suppress. The practices are not there to make the difficult material disappear. They give me a way to stay with it, notice it, and work with it without immediately acting it out. During one later creativity working, I changed the sequence of my Sphere of Art work, qi gong, meditation, and mediation of the relevant forces in order to see whether the practices could become more synchronous. That is characteristic of this approach. I experiment, pay attention, and revise rather than treating the first arrangement as sacred. [6]

The following table describes the structure I have used. It is not a list of rules, and it is not a promise that every working will develop on schedule. It is the discipline that has allowed the ritual to become more than a series of passing ideas.

Part of the workingWhat I doWhat I am watching for Choose the forceI name a force that is already active in my life, such as movement, stillness, creativity, connection, or emptiness.Whether I am choosing the work because it is real or because I want an escape from what is real. Give it a containerI work with the force over days, weeks, or months, with regular meditation, bodywork, reflection, and notes.Repetition, resistance, unexpected connections, and where the force shows up outside formal practice. Meet the material directlyI use questions, meditation, dissolving work, dream work, conversation, or ordinary observation to stay present with what arises.The distinction between an immediate reaction and the deeper issue beneath it. Adjust the practiceI change a technique, a sequence, or a focus when the work shows that the current approach is no longer adequate.Whether the adjustment is an honest response to the work or another way of avoiding it. Decide whether to continueI review whether the force still has more to teach me, is changing into another force, or has reached a point of integration.Whether I am leaving because the work is complete or because it has become uncomfortable.

The themes do not unfold in a clean line. A month of creativity can expose a problem with connection. A working on stillness can bring up money, responsibility, shame, grief, or a decision about the work I am willing to do. That does not mean the element has failed. It means the element is functioning as a lens. It shows me where the force is already operating, including places I did not expect to find it.

I have learned not to require a particular kind of result. When I began working with connection and truth, I wrote that I did not normally do two elements together, but these did because they went hand in hand. I also wrote that the start was not what I had imagined. That was the point. If I wanted balance, I had to open myself to how balance might show up in ways I did not expect or plan for. [7]

You can learn the full system and how it works in my class The Elemental Balancing Ritual. I walk you through step by step how to connect and work with elements for the purposes of doing deep inner alchemical transformation.

What Fire Taught Me About Desire and Responsibility

My work with fire gave me an early lesson in why direct experience matters. I did not want to reduce fire to enthusiasm or action. In a dialogue with Dragon, fire became a question of passion and consumption. A person can be burned by what they fixate on, desire, or obsess over. The problem is not that desire exists. The problem is what happens when desire takes up all of a person’s energy and becomes the sole way they know how to feel alive. [2]

That shifted the question for me. Instead of asking how I could have more fire, I began asking whether I was consuming something or being consumed by it. There is a difference. Consumption can be a deliberate release. Obsession can be a form of surrender to a force I have refused to understand.

Fire also became a question of responsibility. When I create a spark, I have some responsibility for what I nurture. That might be a creative project, a relationship, a commitment, or any action that invites a consequence into my life. I cannot claim the excitement of beginning something while refusing the responsibility of seeing what I have started through. [2]

This is one reason the ritual is not just inward-looking. Elemental work shows up in consequences. If I am dealing with anger, desire, ambition, or intensity, I have to consider what my actions do to other people. I cannot call an impulse magical simply because it feels strong. A strong feeling is not a justification. It is material for the work.

“Fire just is. The association of doing and activity is meaning attributed to fire.” [2]

In later fire work, I returned to the difference between a warm fire and a vengeful one. I have failed myself and other people. Failure can cause a person to harden, become reactive, or try to burn away the discomfort. It can also force a reassessment of what matters. The choice is not always easy, but I would rather cultivate a fire that warms and sustains than one that keeps recreating the conditions that caused the pain. [2]

Movement Was Not Activity

Movement seemed like an obvious element at first. It was not. I expected movement to be about action, change, and forward momentum. Those were parts of it, but they were not enough.

At one point I began calculating movement. I would look at a possible movement I wanted to make and explore the timeline of that movement, where it could go, what could happen, and what factors would need to change. This gave me a way to assess whether a particular movement was wise, whether I should let it go, and whether the desired result was worth the effort involved. [3]

That was important because I can be impulsive. I have learned that a desire to change something does not automatically make a given action the right movement. Sometimes movement needs design. It needs preparation, timing, and the willingness to see what will be required after the first step is taken. Directed movement is not the same as frantic movement.

Movement also taught me about resistance. It is easy to describe myself as someone who wants change. It is harder to recognize the ways I may be attached to an old role, a familiar failure, or a story about why something cannot change. The force of movement does not only ask, “What are you doing?” It asks, “What are you refusing to move away from?”

The long movement work also showed me that every transition contains its opposite. By the time I was moving out of one long phase, I could feel movement slowing into stillness. This was not a contradiction. It was a reminder that the elements are not clean boxes. A force can change its expression as the work changes. [10]

Stability Was the Capacity to Adapt

The stability working corrected another assumption I had been carrying. I had treated stability as if it meant having the right external conditions: enough money, a predictable schedule, an uninterrupted path, or a situation that would not change. Those are the trappings of stability, but they are not stability itself.

“Real stability comes from within and its not about being in one place or having everything work out just fine.” [12]

I came to see stability as the ability to adjust and adapt to what comes while retaining some sense of purpose and drive. That idea became practical rather than abstract. It meant recognizing where I was seeking external validation, practicing how to read my own emotional reactions, and learning to make choices with their consequences in view. [12]

The working also helped me understand why body practice was part of elemental work for me. In qi gong, intentional movement and breath made me aware of stability as an energetic foundation that allowed movement to occur. Stability was physical, emotional, mental, and energetic at the same time. It involved working elemental energy through the body, developing healthier ways to express emotion, working with thought, and cultivating the energetic body. I did not experience those as separate projects. They became the conditions that allowed other elements to be worked with without being overwhelmed by them. [12]

Stability did not mean avoiding risk. It meant refusing to confuse reactivity with courage. I could still take risks and make decisions, but I had to ask whether the reaction was worth the consequences. That was a useful counterweight to the intensity of fire and the forward pull of movement. [12]

Stillness Was Not Passivity

Stillness was one of the longest workings I did, and it changed my understanding of discipline. At first, stillness sounds like the absence of movement. In practice, it was an active decision not to let every reaction decide the meaning of a situation.

When I was caught in a narrative about another person, I was often not seeing that person. I was seeing the story I had built around them. Stillness gave me a way to notice that. It did not require me to deny an emotion. It required me to acknowledge the emotion without allowing the first heat of it to define the whole context. [9]

That distinction was not theoretical. It mattered in relationships, work, creative disappointments, and the old patterns that came up when I compared myself with other people. In stillness work, I had to sit with disappointment long enough to distinguish between the feeling itself and the narrative I was constructing around it. I could feel something, examine what happened, and make a change without deciding that the feeling was the complete truth. [9]

I stayed with stillness for three years. By Month 35, I was ready to be done. I wrote that I had gotten a great deal from the work, but that it was time to no longer be still. I was ready for something different. At the same time, I knew the work would remain profoundly part of my life. It was embedded deeply in me. [4]

That is what sustained practice can do. It does not necessarily produce a moment in which the element has been mastered and will never return. Instead, it changes the baseline from which I meet the rest of my life.

“Yet the stillness has also taught me to be much more comfortable with me.” [4]

Stillness made me more comfortable with myself. It also made staticness harder to tolerate. Both were true. I had to learn that a practice can be valuable even when its completion means moving on.

Emptiness, Compassion, and the Parts of Myself I Would Rather Avoid

The element of emptiness brought me into a more difficult kind of work. I had spent a great deal of time trying to fill emptiness, escape it, or distract myself from it. That is not unusual. What was difficult was recognizing the patterns I built around avoiding it.

During that working, I began sitting with behaviors I did not like in myself. I noticed passive aggression, pettiness, the ways I could push people away, and the ways I sometimes looked to another person to fill something that was my responsibility to face. I did not find a quick answer. I tried to ask a more useful question: “What will this get you?” [5]

That question slowed me down. Instead of judging myself for the feeling, I could look beneath the action to the wound that was driving it. I could be compassionate without pretending that the behavior was harmless. There is a difference between making excuses and recognizing that a pattern has a history.

Some days of that work were genuinely hard. I wrote about feeling like I was in an ocean, buffeted by waves and trying to hold on to whatever grounding I could find. That is part of the record, and I do not want to erase it. Elemental work can be difficult because it puts me in contact with the material I have kept out of sight. It is not always elegant. [5]

The point was never to make emptiness disappear. I began to understand that I could sit with it, breathe through it, and let it speak instead of treating it as something that had to be immediately filled. That changed how I communicated with people and how I recognized the difference between a superficial want and a deeper need. It also reinforced a lesson I have had to learn more than once: internal work does not come to an end because I have identified one pattern. [5]

Creativity Needed Protection, Not Endless Output

Creativity was another long working, and it forced me to revise what I thought creativity was for. It is easy to romanticize creativity as inspiration, intensity, and productivity. I have felt all of those things. I have also learned that creativity can be damaged by treating it as a resource I can extract from without limit.

By the final month of a two-year creativity working, I understood that I needed to protect my creativity and protect the people, practices, and conditions that helped protect it.

“My creativity is what feeds my soul, but its also my livelihood.” [6]

To let anything consistently get in the way of it is to disrespect a fundamental part of myself. [6]

That realization affected how I worked. Instead of trying to write and publish a book every month, I began to recognize the need to slow down, pace myself, and take care of myself. The result was not withdrawal from the work. It was more focused writing and a better relationship with the work itself. [6]

Creativity also showed me that a theme can become most visible when I feel least creative. Personal conflict, grief, anxiety, and emotional compartmentalization all affected how I was able to work. I had to see that my creative life was not separate from those things. When I worked with the emotions I had been bottling up, the creativity working did not become less relevant. It became more honest.

At the end of that phase, I wrote that the Elemental Balancing Ritual had never been easy because it requires me to face the areas of my life that require change. I also wrote that without it, my life would have been much more chaotic. That is not a claim that the ritual prevents chaos. It is an acknowledgment that the practice gives me a path forward when I am willing to follow it. [6]

Connection and Truth Cannot Be Separated

Connection and truth became a paired working because I found that they were not separable. I could say I wanted connection while still hiding from my own feelings, avoiding accountability, or trying to manage how I was seen. I could insist on truth while using it as a weapon instead of a way of becoming more present.

The work quickly turned toward self-worth, expectations, old relational patterns, and the question of whether I valued myself for who I was or only for what I could do for others. I had to examine the gap between what I thought and felt internally and the actions I was taking. If those things were not consistent, I needed to ask why. [7]

This was not simply a private matter. Connection is relational. It required more honest communication, a willingness to recognize the impact of my choices, and a willingness to sit with pain I had caused without immediately trying to escape from it. I found that acceptance was not passive surrender. It was acknowledging what was present so that I could stop spending all of my energy fighting the fact that it was present. [7]

This phase also illustrates why the ritual should not be mistaken for a purely psychological self-help system. I worked with spirits, including Suvuviel and She Who Watches, as part of the connection and truth work. I experienced them as presences and guides. But the work did not become a guide to spirit contact. The spirits did not exempt me from responsibility. If anything, their presence made it harder to avoid the work I needed to do. [7]

Is This the Same as Working With Elemental Spirits?

I have worked with spirits, archangels, goddesses, places, and other presences over the years. Those relationships appear throughout my work. Dragon was part of my fire work. Suvuviel and She Who Watches were important to my connection and truth work. In other workings, I have experienced particular currents, contacts, and spiritual relationships that shaped how I understood the force I was engaging.

That does not make the Elemental Balancing Ritual a guide to elemental spirits or elemental beings. Those are related but different subjects. My working with classic elemental spirits such as sylphs and gnomes, for example, has included a separate walking practice in which I open myself to their energy and experiences through a specific state of being. That is a valid subject in its own right, but it is not the central method of this ritual. [11]

The core of the ritual is working with a force as an element, whether or not a spirit is involved. The main question is not, “Which entity will tell me what this element means?” The main question is, “How is this force already operating in my life, and what happens when I stop trying to reduce it to a correspondence?”

The techniques are similarly secondary to the relationship. I have used meditation, qi gong, Taoist dissolving work, dream work, and the Sphere of Art. I have changed the order of those practices when the work showed me that a different arrangement might be needed. During an earlier switchover from emptiness to time, I also shifted to an elemental fusion system because my existing daily meditations no longer matched the energetic changes I was experiencing. [8]

None of these techniques are universal requirements. They are tools that have been useful in my own practice. The practice remains experimental because I am willing to observe, assess, and adjust rather than declaring that one method must fit every element and every stage of life.

What Long-Cycle Practice Changed

The most important thing the Elemental Balancing Ritual taught me is that a force does not reveal itself all at once. The first month can be useful. It can also be misleading. It is easy to mistake an early insight for the whole working, particularly when the insight is emotionally satisfying or seems to solve something I have been struggling with.

A longer cycle makes that harder. It exposes repetition. It exposes the difference between recognizing a pattern and changing my relationship to it. It shows me that a force can move through different parts of my life over time. In creativity, I began with ideas about output and purpose, but eventually I had to confront pace, protection, accountability, and emotional presence. In stillness, I began with the need to pause but stayed long enough to learn the difference between presence and stagnation. [4] [6]

Long-cycle work also creates transitions. When one element is ending, the next may already be appearing. At the end of creativity, connection and truth were beginning to show up. I could see them as preparatory work before I formally started that next phase. The elements do not wait neatly in a queue. They overlap because life overlaps. [6]

This is why I do not think a reader needs to copy my timelines. I worked with some forces for months and some for years because the work called for it, not because I had a universal calendar. A shorter period may show that the force needs more attention. A longer period may show that the working has become an identity, a refuge, or a form of avoidance. The decision to continue should come from the work itself, not from a rule about how long a ritual ought to last.

How Do You Start Working This Way?

Choose one force that is present in your life now. It might be a familiar classical element, but it does not have to be. It could be a force like responsibility, grief, trust, hunger, attention, courage, or rest. The important thing is that it is real enough to resist easy explanation.

Give yourself a defined period of attention. A month is useful because it is long enough to move beyond a first impression, but it is not a promise that the work will be finished at the end of the month. Keep notes. Notice where the force appears in formal practice, but also notice where it shows up in your choices, your work, your body, and your relationships.

Ask direct questions. What is this force doing in my life? Where am I trying to control it? Where am I letting it control me? What am I calling an elemental truth that may actually be an old story, a fear, or a convenient excuse? The questions should not be used to interrogate yourself into submission. They should help you become more honest about what is present.

Use practices you can genuinely sustain. Meditation, walking, journaling, conversation, bodywork, art, or another discipline may provide a container. What matters is regular contact and a willingness to record what happens without turning every experience into proof of a theory. If something becomes too intense, too confusing, or too destabilizing, slow down. There is no prize for forcing an element to reveal itself on command.

At the end of the period, do not only ask whether you got a result. Ask whether your relationship to the force has changed. Are you more capable of recognizing it? Have you identified a pattern that needs more work? Has the element become more complex than it was when you started? Those questions will tell you more than a neat conclusion will.

If you want a full walkthrough of this process sign up for the elemental balancing ritual class, where I walk you through step by step how to apply this process to your life and magical work.

Why I Still Call It Balancing

Balance does not mean a life without difficulty. It does not mean that every force reaches a permanent equilibrium. I have not found that kind of balance to be real or useful.

For me, balance means being willing to respond when something in my life has become distorted, neglected, overfed, or disconnected from the rest of me. It means letting a force be more than a label. It means recognizing that the pursuit of balance may show up in ways I do not expect and would not have chosen. [7]

The Elemental Balancing Ritual has changed because I have changed. That is not a failure of the practice. It is the reason I continue to value it. I do not need a system that tells me everything before I begin. I need a practice that asks me to pay attention, tells the truth about what I find, and gives me a way to keep working when the answer is not convenient.

References

Magical Experiments Podcast: Elemental Magic and Troubleshooting your Magic with Frater Barrabbas

In this episode Frater Barrabbas and I discuss elemental magic and talismans and how they work and also discuss how to troubleshoot your magic and work through your failures.

Get Elemental Power for Witches.

Frater Barrabbas (Richmond, VA) is a practicing ritual magician who has studied magick and the occult for over forty years. He is the founder of a magical order called the Order of the Gnostic Star and he is an elder and lineage holder in the Alexandrian tradition of Witchcraft. Visit and learn more at www.FraterBarrabbas.com and fraterbarrabbas.blogspot.com

Breaking out of the 5 Element model: A different approach to elemental magic

I’m currently writing Walking with Elemental Spirits, which is a book that explores my system for elemental magic. One of the central arguments of that book is that the 5 element model of earth, water, fire, air, and quintessence is a bit outdated. It has worked well as a model, but its evident that there are more elements than just the aforementioned elements. Why are we holding onto an outmoded model that was used to describe reality a long time ago, as a taxonomic means of categorizing the experiences of the world? I’ll be bold and just say we hold on to such models because we are taught that something which is old is typically considered better and if it works why change it.

I don’t agree with this sentiment. While I think the 5 element model is a great foundational tool, I also think that when we hold onto an old model and never question it we’re missing out on an opportunity to evolve magically, as well as to evolve the overall discipline of magic. I’ve been practicing elemental magic since I first started practicing magic, and for many years I did rely upon the 5 element model because it was what was available. Yet being the magical experimenter that I am, I inevitably ended up questioning it.

Magical Experiments Podcast: Elemental Magic with Ivo Dominguez Jr

For the second episode of Magical Experiments Podcast, I have the great pleasure of hosting Ivo Dominguez Jr and we discuss elemental magic and how to incorporate it in your life. We also discuss the problem with categorizations and Ivo shares a couple exercises you can do with elemental magic.

Watch the video on Patreon (Note this interview will be available to the public for a week and then after that only available to people who subscribe to the podcast Tier or above on my patreon.

An Elemental Magic Exercise

Note: this article is available in full on Patreon. Become my patron to access the article.

I'm getting ready to write my next magical book, which is going to be about my work with magical elementals. One of the ways I've taken to working with the classic elemental spirits has involved going for walks. When I go outside for a walk, it allows me to open myself to their energy and experiences, but its not simply a matter of going for a walk. There is a precise state of being that is involved, as well.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Movement month 1

10-22-12 Last night I did the switch over to the element of movement. Eros, who is traditionally thought of as a love deity, but also has some attributes related to movement. I got a statue of him a little while back and I paced that statue on my Tesser-act board and then I vocalized his name, calling to make a connection with him. We connected and then I entered into a meditative state where we talked movement in my life. He had me feel the movement of my heart and other parts of my body, and then we looked at the movement of my relationships, businesses, and life. He told me that we'd be doing a lot of work and he was right, because right out the gate he gave me a challenge.

He told me that I needed to write to two of my relatives. I have some blocks with these people and he felt that I needed to address them instead of avoiding them. So today I wrote to letters and sent them off. Right now I feel queasy. They were not easy letters to write, but I also feel some sense of movement within myself. I feel these places of tension and old pain being stirred and while its not fun to feel, I know that choosing to face it could free me of that pain and tension.

10-23-12 I've had one relative respond, while the other has not. The one who responded offered excuses more than anything else. Still its not what is offered, but what I get, which is movement away from moments that have defined my life in ways I no longer find useful, and never really did. Eros, with his curly locks, and angel wings tells me that movement is a state of being as well as transition,  space become fluid.

10-26-12 When I met with my business coach earlier this week he suggested that I create a time budget sheet and analyze where I'm putting my time and/or even prioritizing my time. I have decided to do the project because it will be good for my businesses, but also because it is an analysis of my movement. He even suggested that if I could cut back on certain activities, it might prove helpful in terms of helping me focus, which I'm inclined to agree with, especially when I put it into context with working with movement. I find it ironic then that in November, I'll be in a situation where I will necessarily have to scale back some of my activities due to a temporary limitation of movement. But there is value in starting in stillness, because stillness is the seed of movement.

10-27-12 In meditation today I ended up revisiting some past memories of my childhood. Eros pointed out that remembering is its own form of movement, an attempt to rewrite the past or come to terms with it or even just to experience it. I felt something crack open and inside was a candle flame. He told me it was the flame of my childhood hopes, still burning even with everything that happened. I approached it with the reverence and wonder of a child, allowing myself to bask in its warm glow, even as I fed it with the hope I feel now.

10-29-12 I've been reading Cupid's Poison with Kat. Reading it has been mind blowing in terms of understanding the physiology of orgasm sex vs non-orgasm sex and in terms of understanding how physiological changes induced by orgasm have contributed to relationship problems in the past. It also has caused me to look at polyamory in a new light, especially when you look at the arguments in books on poly which state that one of the reasons people choose polyamory is because one person can't entirely fulfill the needs another person has. For a long time I believed that, but my views have been shifting for the last half year, mainly because I am with someone who I can really open up to and feel safe with, and most recently because of this book and its explanation of what happens to the neurobiology of a person after orgasm. Certain behaviors make a lot more sense to me now because I can actually track the changes in behavior and recognize a physiological correspondence. And I can also track those behaviors in myself and others from previous relationships as well as observing the behaviors in other people's relationships. The effects that orgasm has on a person's neurochemistry explains the biological part of the drama that occurs in romantic relationships (whether monogamous or polyamorous). So I'm trying something different for a while, and having sex without orgasm being the goal, just to see what happens on a behavior and physiological level.

11-2-2012 It's interesting to me that my first month of working with movement involves dealing with the reality of having some of my mobility constrained due to circumstances not in my control. Nonetheless I find the synchronicity of it useful as does Eros, in terms of really appreciating movement as an element in all of its forms, up to and including the restriction in movement.

11-7-12 Tonight Kat and I had a discussion about my ability to let others spoil me. I've never handled being spoiled all that well. Truth is I've always felt like I needed to give, but part of that has been a way to protect myself from others.If I gave them pleasure whether in bed or in other ways and they were happy, then I could be safe, and maybe even have some control over the situation. Allowing someone else to spoil me has always made me uncomfortable, at risk, perhaps they will really see me, and consequently no longer want me. I didn't say it was rational, but it makes sense in a twisted kind of way. I feel blocked when it comes to receiving pleasure and I see that most poignantly in the fact that I feel it is important to make sure someone else is happy, or that there pleasure comes first. It was ingrained in me early on...do the chores, make sure others are happy and maybe you'll be left alone...or put the pleasure of your lover first and maybe you'll be worthy of being kept for a little while longer. Allowing someone to actually take care of me, pleasure me, spoil me is so different, brings up so much...it takes a lot of patience on my end and the other person to work through all the issues that come up as a result.

11-13-2012 As I've continued to read Cupid's Poisoned Arrow and carefully looked at my sexual history, and weighed it's neurochemical research with the research I've done into neuroscience, I am more and more convinced that there is merit to the arguments of the book. My experiences with Dopamine were of it as a trickster, and it seems born out. If you have an excess of dopamine, you have impulsive sensation seeking, unhealthy risk taking, aggression, sexual fetishes and compulsions, more wanting but less liking of sex. All of that sounds like me at my worst. If you have deficient dopamine it causes low libido, inability to love, erectile dysfunction (or the female equivalent) depression, social anxiety and low energy. I can think of a few people those symptoms apply to. If there is a healthy amount of dopamine there is also healthy bonding and libido, energy and vitality, motivation, sound choices, etc.

Books on polyamory commonly argue that poly occurs because one person can't fulfill all your needs. If you look at the neurochemical effects of orgasm sex, especially in regards to habituation, then this argument makes sense. But if you were to refrain from orgasm and focus on sex as a bonding activity, I don't think that argument holds up. Instead of feeling restless and empty, I feel clear-headed and more focused, happy and satisfied. However having also had orgasms, I've noticed that spending time bonding afterwards seem to really be the key. If you are cuddling and consciously focused on bonding it makes a difference. Maybe the key is simply making time to connect with someone very consciously, which I'll admit is something I never did much of, prior to this relationship.

11-18-12 Today I cleaned out the closet and got rid of about 1/3rd of the clothing and other effects. The space feels better for it. I got rid of some clothes Ive had for over a decade, but I'm not one for meaningless sentiment. Keeping something for memory's sake just weighs you down. If the memories are really worth having, they will still be something you'll recall.

11-19-12 Closing this first month out, I'm struck by the relationship between stillness and movement. One seems to lead into another and neither is necessarily contradictory to the other.  I haven't moved and yet I have moved. I have also been moved even in being still. There is never a time without movement of some kind.

What's one of your earliest influential occult books?

Recently I was looking through my magical library and I came across two books by Ted Andrews, books I've had since I was 16 or 17. They were books I'd hidden away when I was 18 and told I had to burn my books or leave, because they were books that were essential to my practice at that time. I was using the exercises in them for my daily work and also to connect with the elemental spirits. And to this day those books are essential to my magical practice in terms of the information and experiences they first provided. While my magical practice has gone far afield, the principles I learned in this books still inform and guide my magical practice. The books are How to Meet and Work with Spirit Guides and Enchantment of the Faerie Realm. Perhaps what I liked best about the books then and even now is the balance between practical techniques and theoretical information. As I looked through both books the other night, I felt a smile appear on my face, rediscovering a sense of wonder I first felt when I began practicing magic. As a teenager these books were doorways to a better life than the one I was living in. They provided me a sense of empowerment, a feeling of control, and a sense that I could actively make a difference in my life by employing magic. I still feel that way, but holding those books and flipping through them brought a sense of nostalgia and happiness over the memories themselves.

And flipping through them also provided inspiration for a working I did recently and am still engaged in currently, which I'll write about on Wednesday. It illustrated to me that going back through something you've kept for almost 20 years can still provided you surprises and realizations that you can work with.

What was your earliest influential texts that changed your approach to magic?

Communicating with the Land

I've always communicating with the genius loci or the spirits of the land. Communication with the land is not something verbal, so much as kinisthetic. It is a feeling, but it is even more than that. It's a relationship. Communicating with the land also differs from place to place. In my recent trip to Seattle, I was reminded of why I dislike living there, and indeed why I needed to move from there. The connection I have with the land in Seattle is a connection where that land speaks of how unhappy it is. The entire state of Washington is always a place that prompts a negative reaction on my part. I know when I've left Oregon, because I can feel a shift in my connection with the land. Communicating with the land in that sate and/or city is a communication that speaks to what the land is feeling and how it is shaped and is shaping what lives on it. Oregon, as a contrast, feels like home. There's something about the land that fits me, that fits together with who I am. Whenever I leave this state and go somewhere else, I feel a shift. I know I am not home.

I have no doubt that for people who live in Washington and/or Seattle, that those places are just as much home for them and that there is a connection that is fundamentally as deep for them as Oregon is for me. I know some people have told me that in Oregon they don't feel comfortable. It makes sense to me that the relationship any person has with the land is going to be unique to some degree, shaped in part by personality and in part by the land itself, and how it fits that person.

My connection to the land is an elemental connection. I do a lot of work with elemental spirits and bonding with the land has always been part of my work. The exchange of essence is an exchange of trust, and an acceptance of a close relationship with the land. I don't think of the land as a place or thing, but as something living, with its own input and feedback. It may not communicate that message through means most of us are aware of, but the land speaks, if you know how to hear and feel it.