I've been fascinated with health magic for a long time. In this video I share where that fascination began and some of the work I've done with health magic.
April 2016 Magical Experiments Podcasts and Book Review
Magical Experiments Radio: The Second panel of finding the Masculine in Goddess spiral featuring Philipp Kessler, Robert Alvarez, David Kling and Erick DuPree
Magical Experiments Radio: Pagan Leadership Panel with Manny Tejeda, Bill Duvendack and Karen Tate
Magical Experiments Radio: The Third panel of Finding the masculine in Goddess Spiral featuring Erick Dupree, Mathew Sawicki and Anthony Rella
Magical Experiments Radio: Demonolatry for the Win Panel with Felix Warren and Stephanie Connolly.
I was recently interviewed about Inner Alchemy and my work with neurotransmitters on live paranormal.
Book Review: Molecular Consciousness by Francoise Tibika
I will admit I was hoping for a book that shared possible techniques about how to communicate with your molecules. This book did not reveal such techniques. It's a good primer for explaining physics and showing that there is some type of communication occurring with molecules, but the author doesn't provide much else beyond that. If you're looking to understand the physics, this is a good book. If you're looking for something deeper or more engaging, you won't find it here.
Magic, Karma and Dharma
I explore the relationship of magic karma and dharma and why we need to recognize that we are shaped by what we manifest as much as we shape it.
Elemental Balancing Ritual Stillness Month 18: The Ugly Spirit
3-27-16 What's said in a moment of reaction should always be questioned because it was said in a moment of reaction. It's said with the heat of emotion, which shouldn't be ignored, but you want to question it as well. Acknowledge the emotion, but don't let the emotion define the context so much that something is missed. Not easy work to do in a situation where there's a lot of reaction. However it's necessary work that can save you and other people a lot of grief. And if you do say something in reaction or hear someone say something as a reaction give yourself and/or that person the benefit of the doubt, because chances are what's being expressed is just the service level of what needs to be expressed.
3-28-16 It's so easy to take someone for granted and when you do that it's really because you're so caught up in your own narrative that you aren't seeing the person but instead your seeing your narrative about that person. When you recognize that its time to admit it and still that narrative. Focus on really being open and present to the person instead of just making assumptions. When you do that you'll stop taking the person for granted.
3-29-16 In doing stillness work around appreciation, I realized how much appreciation is about respect and acknowledgement and that if you don't feel those things, it can cause a lot of resentment to build, which creates stagnancy in the relationships you have with people. When I was growing up, I was taught to express appreciation for everything and always made a point to thank people for the things they did for me. I think its a good behavior to have, but it also can bring up some feelings of not being appreciated when you aren't thanked for what you do or share.
4-2-16 I'm reading the Magical Universe of William S. Burroughs, which is a magical biography of the writer. I think I'll write a post in greater detail about my own magical experiences with Burroughs, but in reading the book its gotten me reflecting on how I'm coming full circle with my writing, coming back to what really inspired me as a writer. I'm leaving the dead weight of academia behind and I'm glad I'm doing that because there was a time where I was rather concerned that academia had killed my writing. But that didn't happen. And in reading Burroughs and reading about him, I feel like I'm reconnecting to a perspective as a writer that is experimental and pushes limits...which is part of what writing should be.
4-6-16 Today when I did my stillness work I sat with a feeling of comparison, specifically how I compare myself to other people and how that comparison sometimes creates more internal conflict than really needs to exist. I'm trying to launch my latest class and its been a bit of a flop. I had these high expectations, because I'd taken this class and learned some new skills, so when things didn't turn out quite the way I hoped I started going into that spiral of comparing myself to others. So I just sat with that today and really felt it and recognized how so much of that narrative goes back to things said to me by people over the years. People who I thought would be supportive, but weren't supportive in the way I needed. I told Kat last some of these feelings and she just told me she believed in me. She's been the only person who's consistently told me that and shown it in actions. Having that kind of support, that kind of belief is so precious.
4-7-16 Today Bune and I had a heart to heart conversation. He told me something I really needed to hear: Nothing is deserved, everything is earned. I'm going to actually turn that into a sigil for myself, but he made the point that my writing is how I will earn anything so I have to put my heart and soul, my effort into it if I want to manifest something. And he's right. The last couple of days have been hard but they have also been gifts for me from the universe and I am taking the lessons to heart.
4-9-16 Funny how you read or encounter something wen you need it the most, though as Burroughs put it there is no such thing as coincidence in a magical universe. I'm reading the Business of Wanting More and the author talks about how the lack of fulfillment can be traced to certain basic needs. In my case, its a need for acceptance and connection. I have had trouble connecting to people in a meaningful way and I've not often felt accepted. And those two needs play a big role in what drives me. As the author points out though when you direct the fulfillment of those needs externally, you can never get enough. You become an addict. Thus why people become workaholics, alcoholics, or consumeraholics, among other things. It all goes back to trying to fill up that sense of emptiness, but underneath the emptiness is the narrative of acceptance and connection. Yet if I can't accept myself can I really expect anyone else to or even if I encounter it, can I recognize it? The same applies to connection. So a lot there to sit with and work with. In a way, in choosing to launch JOY, what really happened is that the universe called me out. Tough love.
4-14-16 The last few days I've been rethinking my process on launching classes. Once I got over the disappointment I was feeling I stilled myself and took a hard look at what I was trying to do and how I was doing it. I had to allow myself to feel what I felt, but I couldn't myself become attached to it. There is a difference between feeling something and dwelling on it. I felt the disappointment and then I looked at what happened, so that I could figure out what I could do differently. That's what you do...you look at your process, figure out what works and what doesn't and make changes accordingly.
4-17-16 Burroughs talked about writing the Ugly Spirit out of him. It was something I always identified with. I guess I would call my ugly spirit, the inner asshole. It's that perpetual feeling of dissatisfaction, emptiness and rage that I've grappled with throughout my life. Over the last decade I've painfully managed to come to a somewhat better relationship with it, but its an ongoing work. I suppose the elemental balancing work is, in some ways, really just this ongoing work with this aspect of myself. I look back over the years and I do see this progression and change on my part. But it hasn't been easy for people in my life, let alone myself.
I think we all have an inner asshole or ugly spirit or whatever else you want to call it. Some people work with it or struggle with it and other people just wear it openly and delude themselves into thinking they don't have it. Not everyone's inner asshole shows up in the same way, but they all want to sabotage the person they are part of. And the only thing you can really do is figure out how to work with in a way that actually helps you as a person and addresses what has created the inner asshole.
4-19-16 I had an interesting realization about connection today. On the one hand I want it and on the other hand I'm afraid of it, or maybe its better to say I'm afraid of too much of it. The rationale behind that is that too much connection is letting someone too close, so close they can hurt me and I'm rather protective about that. Something to sit with further as I continue my stillness work.
4-21-16 Kat brought something up yesterday. She suggested that I needed to stop trying to dissolve that part of me I considered the inner asshole. I needed to work with it differently. So I'm going to give it a try and she's going to work with me on it. I've never really trusted someone to work with me in that way, but I trust her because our experiences in the early part of our lives have been similar. She knows me and understands the damage, just as I know her and understand the damage. We understand each other and so I'm going to give her approach a try and see what happens.
Knowing your process helps you own what doesn't work
When you know your process, then you can figure out what isn't working in it and why. Knowing that is what helps you become a better magician.
With great expectation comes great disappointment
With great expectation comes great disappointment, or why the inability to let go actually stops your magic in its tracks.
Why would I want to use Alchemy to change my life?
The other day I was asked a really tough question: Why would I want to change my life with inner alchemy and internal work anyway? It just seems like a lot of work.
Really what the person was asking was: How will doing this work actually help me improve my life?
If you watched the video series I shared yesterday you saw that I shared an intense story of how I changed my life applying the 7 principles of alchemy. It wasn't easy work. It involved doing intense shadow work with myself, yet in doing that work I got myself out of the rut I had been in and set my life up, at the time, with what I needed to thrive.
Doing internal work can be hard, but the alternative is to settle for being in a rut, in a place that I call the comfortable discomfort. The comfortable discomfort is that vague recognition you have that something isn't right with your life, but you're comfortable otherwise so you settle. And in settling you slowly kill part of yourself.
The comfortable discomfort is like a frog being put into a pot of water, and then having the water heated up. The frog will jump out if its put into boiling water, but if the frog is put into a pot of cold water and the water is gradually heated up, the frog will stay put until it dies. That's the comfortable discomfort, the rut that so many people settle for instead of doing the necessary shadow work needed to change their lives.
My class JOY is really about learning the techniques and processes for doing that shadow work. The joy is discovered in the bliss of facing what makes you uncomfortable and turning it into an ally. In order to uncover our light, we have to be willing to dive into our shadows, because what is in those shadows is what is keeping us from truly inhabiting a space of power and joy in our lives.
When we learn how to change our internal reality, we also set ourselves up to change our external reality. As Robert Anton Wilson noted, "What the thinker thinks, the prover proves."
With JOY, I want to show you how to get out of the rut of the comfortable discomfort and make the changes in your life, career, or business that will truly help you discover your light and make it shine, even as you turn your shadows into your allies.
Magical blessings,
Taylor Ellwood Magical Experimenter and Mad Scientist
P.S. Remember registration for JOY is limited to one week and I've already started getting some sign-ups, so if you feel this course could help you get out of the uncomfortable discomfort sign up today today and reserve your spot.
How William S. Burroughs changed my writing and magic
I never met William S. Burroughs in person, but I felt like his reading his books was an introduction to the person. I didn't even encounter Burroughs writing until the spring of 1998, a half year after the author in question had died. It was a senior class seminar for college and I needed the credits and nothing else was remotely appealing.
I remember walking into that class with only a vague idea of who William S. Burroughs was. I knew he was an author and that he'd written a book called Naked Lunch and supposedly done a lot of drugs. I remember not feeling overly enthused at the time, because I was a straight edge kind of person, but I needed the class.
Little did I know that reading William S. Burroughs work would have a significant effect on my magical practice and my writing.
As I started reading his books, I felt his presence, hovering over my shoulder. Burroughs is one of those writers who lives on in his writing, a phantom presence that comes and visits, whispering secrets in your ears as you read his words. You know he's there, but when you look, you can't find him. His soul is embedded in every word. You could say he's a virus in his words.
As I read his books and learned about his writing techniques, I felt like the secrets of the universe were revealed to me. Soon I was cutting up magazines and newspapers and my own writing and randomly gluing it altogether to create my own versions of cut-ups and like Burroughs I discovered that the cut-ups could circumvent linear time and provide glimpses and even manipulations of time.
But Burroughs didn't just write about writing or drugs or all the other subjects he's most known for. He also wrote about magic. Oh his books weren't your average magic books, written explicitly about magic. No, the magic was in his stories, in what the characters did and how Burroughs explained their relationship to the world, spirits, and whatever else he was writing about. In the lurid sex acts, in the depictions of corporate greed, and the frank exploration of the word as a virus, as well as the stories of magic, what Burroughs did was paint a picture of the world that would make so strong an impression on me that it changed me.
I experimented with writing and I experimented with magic. Burroughs wasn't about rules, but about possibilities, and the recognition that there was no such thing as coincidence in a magical universe. What he taught me was that the universe was magical and I had only to open myself to that fact to discover just how magical it could be.
For several years after I finished my undergrad degree, I religiously read Burroughs. There was always at least one book by him among the collection of whatever else I was reading. In reading his books I connected to his spirit and that spirit was my mentor as I experimented with time, and the alchemy of the body.
Burroughs taught me to question control and all its forms, to question the word and why people used the word in the ways they did. And he taught me to question magic and why magic need be so formal, or if it could just be simple and direct. In those days I did a lot of ceremonial magic and its fair to say that Burroughs ruined that for me, because in the way he wrote about magic, he boiled it down and made it simple. The magic of Burroughs was street magic, survival magic, the magic you do to get results, and you don't want to spend lots of time doing things that are unnecessary with that kind of magic.
I connected with Burroughs because I could relate to the struggle of his life as it pertained to dealing with the Ugly Spirit. My Ugly Spirit was my emptiness and I grappled with it constantly then (and for many years afterwards). In reading his writing and reading about his life, I felt a connection to what he'd gone through and while I didn't do anything so dramatic as his William Tell act, I nonetheless knew something of writing for the sake of writing out that ugliness within one's self, because so much of my own writing at the time was precisely about that.
Eventually I got into a Master's program for English and I drifted away from reading Burroughs work, but nonetheless his writing and magic had change me and my approach to everything I did with magic and writing. When the final book of Burroughs came out, Last Words, I remember picking it up and feverishly reading it, the words inscribing themselves into my soul. And his final words, so strong, so poignant speaking to me of a person who found his answers and was ready for the Western Lands.
I haven't read Burroughs in 16 sixteen years. The truth is that you can't read the works of someone like that casually. There's a commitment, a magical connection that demands discipline from you as a reader and as a writer (if you identify as such). But in this year of reconnecting to my writing roots and in some ways my magical roots once again, I have recently started reading his books again. And there his presence is again, ready and waiting after so long, to continue the instruction. I'm ready now to, ready to continue divesting myself of the dead weight of academic writing, which had dulled so much of my writing, to get back to the non-linear narratives that still sing in my soul.
Hurry up please, it's time to go. Nothing here but the recordings, but he's here to, in the recordings. I'm ready to experiment again, ready to see where this journey takes me. I'm ready Burroughs. Thanks for waiting for me.
How I used Alchemy to change my life pt 7
In part 7 I discuss coagulation and the reality that the alchemical process never really stops. You are always transforming yourself and the world through the work you do.
Magical Experiments March 2016 podcasts and book review
Magical Experiments Radio: Interview with Courtney Weber about how to cultivate a relationship with Deity.
Magical Experiments Radio: Pagan Leadership Panel with Rev. Judith Laxer, Philipp Kessler and Diana Rajchel
Magical Experiments Radio: Finding the Masculine in Goddess Spiral panel with Erick Dupree, Robert Scott, Robert Baggani, and Gwion Raven
Magical Experiments Radio: The Ethics of Pop Culture Magic with S. Rune Emerson
Radio Interview: I was interviewed about Pop Culture Magic 2.0 by Ancient Salvage Yard Podcast.
Book Review: Influence Science and Practice by Robert Cialdini
This was a fascinating book to read because the author explores specific behaviors people do that can be used to influence other people, as well as sharing how to defend against those behaviors. As I read the book I implemented his suggestions and found it was much easier to recognize situations where people were trying to influence and manipulate choices. This is a must read book to help you recognize these behaviors and defend against them. What this book will help you do is recognize how people are influenced, and why, and what to look for in whatever situation you are in, as well as what to do to counter those behaviors.
How I used Alchemy To Change my life pt 6
In part 6 I discuss the alchemical process of Distillation and how I applied it to my life when I lived in Seattle.
Elemental Balancing Ritual Stillness Month 17: Boundaries
2-26-16 I meditated about fulfillment today. One of the challenges I've had in my life is recognizing that fulfillment doesn't come from external sources, but rather from within. You can try and fill your life up with people, and things and adventures, but if you aren't fulfilled all any of that will do is make you feel empty. There are still days where I struggle with my feeling of fulfillment and there are other days where I feel fulfilled. My stillness work has lead me to greater fulfillment, because I've focused on being with myself and whatever I'm feeling instead of doing. Doing has always been the distraction for me.
2-29-16 I went away to RJ. Stewart's and Anastacia's weekend spiritual intensive with Kat. It was a powerful experience. I'm letting things settle and I'm sure that what I've experienced will show up in my other writing, but for this particular post there were a few of things of note that happened, which I've been processing in relationship to my stillness work.
The first is that I got a chance to tell R. J. my regard for him and how I consider him to be my spiritual mentor. I have never given another person such regard, for in general I consider most practitioners to be my peers, but I feel like he is part of a spiritual lineage that I identify with him and I feel rather fortunate to have the chance to learn directly from him. I may not always agree with his perspective, but I have a lot of respect for him and I'm glad to call him a spiritual mentor and also identify with the spiritual lineage that he is a teacher of. During the weekend I ended up receiving a spiritual transmission from him (beyond the class) and I felt honored to have that acknowledgement as well as aware of the responsibility that goes with it.
The second is that Kat and I got into a conversation on the way home about some things that happened when we first got together and at a certain she expressed that she felt it was hard to express and process her feelings, because mine would end up becoming the center of the focus. When she said that it reminded me of something I read the other day on a Facebook post where a woman expressed that she wanted her classes to men, but was worried that they would make the classes about their experience, instead of honoring the focus of the class. Hearing Kat express a similar sentiment made me recognize how I wasn't holding presence with her, so I acknowledged what she said and asked her to express what she needed to and made sure that I kept quiet and listened. It's something I'm going to keep working on, in myself, because while I want to be heard, I also want to make sure I am listening.
The third is that I've been meditating further on fulfillment and my relationship with it. As I've noted before, I've sent much of my life looking externally for fulfillment. It's never worked and in doing the stillness work, I've been able to more fully come to grips with that. What stillness consistently teaches me is that embracing the unrest, as opposed to expressing it, is the key to achieve a place of deep connection with myself and with the world and universe at large. As simple as that sounds, there are days where its really hard, but in keeping at it I find it getting easier.
3-6-16 I've always felt a sense of dissatisfaction, for as long as I can remember. That dissatisfaction has driven me and driven my dysfunctions. I was sitting with that today and also with just the pain I've caused other people because of my issues. So often people get fixated on their issues and how those issues effect them, but they don't always recognize how their issues effect other people in their lives. And the only way to find out is to ask someone how have I hurt you and then listen as best as possible without reaction. When you can do that, then you've taken on another level of responsibility for your issues because you now know how they affect other people.
As a follow-up to that. When you can hold space with someone you've wronged, that's when healing for both of you can happen. And it needs to happen or you hold on to anger and resentment and that doesn't do you any good. Sometimes the very act of acknowledging the harm you caused also opens the door to getting acknowledged on your end.
3-8-16 I learned a lesson about stillness and reaction today. When you are put into a position of being between a rock and a hard place, the temptation to react is huge. You're in a very uncomfortable position and you want to get out of it, but the answer isn't to react, but instead to really sit with the discomfort until you come to a place of proactive awareness or a means of reacting minimally. You may find that a reaction is all that can happen, but if that's the case, make it into something that gives you power. Make it into something that truly represents you and at the same time make sure that what it really does is speak for your values and truth, instead of someone else's.
Sometimes, as well, making a brief statement is all you need to make. It's briefness may speak for itself.
My friend Kelli recently pointed out that I've had a number of situations come up where I've had to draw boundaries and it's true. Since November, in one form or another I've had to make some boundary calls. It makes me wonder if that's another aspect of Eligos, especially as it relates to his relationship with time.
3-14-16 Today I'm sitting with some anger and sadness over a recent situation. I was going to present at a conference in April, but I backed out because one of the other people was promoting racism. That person is now gone on from the event, which is good, but this whole situation just bothers me. What I'm sad about really is that this was the last event I had scheduled for this year. I am not, so far as I know, presenting anywhere else this year. And that's my choice. I took a deliberate stand on conventions and presenters and if one of the consequences is that I don't present somewhere, that's my consequence to live with and I am living with it. I'll get over it eventually, especially because my asymmetrical strategy is bearing fruit, but you still sit with that realization of a choice and it hits you hardest when you realize you've hit that place of no return. I guess I already hit that place, but maybe its the fact that I know I'm not going to go out of my way to present...that the only way I know I'll present is if I'm contacted and people express that they want me and are willing to invest in me. I know it's a smart and good move, but it still hits when you purposely choose to take a step.
It's another lesson in patience. I'm learning all these different ways I need to be patient and that is its own challenge in stillness work, especially in a "I want it now" world of Western commercial culture. I'm actually quite good at being patient. I had to wait many years before I could move in with my mom, when I was a kid. I had to be patient then, because a kid wasn't considered to know enough about what I wanted (never mind that I wanted to live with my mom a lot earlier than when I got to). This is just another type of patience. I'm being patient on multiple fronts and working my process and through it all taking every reaction, every emotion and stilling it so that it can all be redirected in a way that's useful. That's a significant part of how stillness work happens.
3-20-16 Another interesting aspect about boundaries (I wrote a post about Eligos and boundaries recently) is realizing when boundaries need to be created or enforced because too much growth is just as bad as not enough growth. Knowing when to say we need to slow down or stop at least for now is important. Respecting that boundary can make a significant difference in a person's life, a community, and so much else. In its own way its another form of stillness.
How I used alchemy to change my life pt 5
This week I discuss how I applied the Alchemical process of Fermentation and putrefaction to my life during my 7 week magical working with the principles of alchemy.
Eligos and Boundaries
Recently a friend of mine observed that in the last couple of months I had various situations come up where I needed to express and enforce boundaries for myself, my community, and other assorted issues. After she made that observation I thought about it and I realized that for me the work with boundaries had really started in November with my month long spiritual retreat (and work with Eligos).
And if you do a little research into Eligos, it makes a lot of sense. Eligos is a Daemon of writing and of time and both writing and time are in some ways very much about boundaries. When you write something you are defining what it is and what it is not. You are creating a very specific reality with your words (though the reality is open to interpretation). And with time, particularly linear time, you have a concise placement of temporal boundaries which is used to measure time and define it. Actually this can apply to non-linear time as well, in the creation of the rhythm and cycles of non-linear time.
A lot of my work with Eligos has ultimately been around boundaries. When we first started working together he told me I needed to take a break from my regular routines of writing and in retrospect my regular routines of time. In taking that break, I had the opportunity to really explore what I want my boundaries of writing and time to be and not too surprisingly I changed those boundaries, but in a way that really empowered me. Before I'd been working around other people's schedules far more than I wanted to be and what Eligos demanded of me was that I really look at that aspect of my life and make changes that allowed me to define my time and writing on my own schedule.
And since then, in various ways, large and small, boundaries have come up. And each time they've come up, the challenge has been around getting very clear on what is in my life and what I need in my life to be doing the work I've been called to do. What Eligos is really helping me see is that the boundaries I have in my life are in place in order to protect my time and space. And that protection is helping me be a lot more creative and productive...and much happier than I've ever been.
Part of successful space/time magic is the ability to set up boundaries of space and time with your working. One can argue that space and time in and of themselves are boundaries and that's true, yet in working with them I find that if I want to manifest a specific space in my life I need to get clear on what space is and isn't. The same applies to time. If I want to manifest a possibility at a specific time, I need to claim that time, define it and make it part of the magical work I'm doing.
By defining the boundaries you also open yourself to working with possibilities contained in those boundaries and what can be surprising is what possibilities you discover. While a boundary is a limitation, what it includes in the limit is what possible in the context of the boundary. The boundary provides you the context to realize those possibilities through your magical work.
How I used Alchemy to change my life pt 4
In part 4, I discuss the alchemical process of conjunction and Why the process of transformation isn't something we are in complete control of, and how we can accept that and use it in our magical work.
How Alchemy changed my life part 3
In part 3 I share how the alchemical process of separation showed up in my life. Watch the video to learn more:
February 2016 Radio Shows and Book Reviews
If you missed the February Episodes of the Magical Experiments podcast, below are links to each episode.
Magical Experiments Radio: Sacred Sexuality and Sex Magic with Laurelei Black
Magical Experiments Radio: Death and Rebirth with Annwyn Avalon
Magical Experiments Radio: Pagan Leadership Panel part 1 with Courtney Weber and KaliSara
Magical Experiments Radio: Pagan Leadership Panel part 2 with Crystal Blanton, Sam Wagar, and Lisa Spiral
Magical Experiments Radio: Social Media Magic with Felix Warren and Laurie Pneumatikos
Book Review: Magic Simplified by Draja Mickaharic
In this book, the author shares some useful exercise for beginning magicians (and worth revisiting even if you have more experience). What I like is that the exercises are presented without lots of esoteric jargon. Anyone could pick this book up and try the exercises and learn more about magic as a result. What the author really demonstrates with this book is what magic really is, without all the glamour and spells usually associated with it. What you have is a practical bare bones guide with exercises that provides you with a place to begin your magical work.
Book Review: Awakening the Luminous Mind by Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche
In Awakening the Luminous Mind, the author shares a teaching from a previous lama and walks readers through the meditation around that teaching. It's a profound book that lead you to deep changes as you embrace stillness and let go of your pain identity. The accompanying CD has some useful tracks you can use with your meditation, though I wish some of them had been longer. The quality of the teachings is superb and has a enhanced my stillness work immensely. If you are interested in Dzogchen or simply want to work with stillness, this is an excellent book to work with.
Book Review: The Spell of the Sensuous by David Abram
This was an intriguing read where the author explores the connection or lack thereof that people have with the natural world. He shares how we have fallen away from that connection and what we are losing by not having such a close connection. What I found most intriguing was his exploration of language and how the changes in the written word helped to create the disconnect. This is a thought-provoking read that will motivate you to change your relationship with the world.
The Inner Alchemical Path to turning the Dragon of Change into the Momentum of Success
In the last couple of months I've made some pretty big changes in my businesses and life and while these changes are good, what comes with change isn't always easy to deal with. In making some of my choices, I've felt moments of fear and anxiety. Part of me asks, "Am I doing the right thing?" and "Is doing this worth the consequences you'll deal with?" And while I'd like to say my answer is always yes to these questions, the truth is that sometimes its not. Change can be a dragon, mythological in its power in your life, teasing in its glory, yet frightening when faced head on, even with all your preparations.
Change brings with it uncertainty. We step out of the comfortable confines of whatever it is we've been doing and even if we've defined a result (always define your results), there is still those natural feelings of fear and anxiety. And we can and should acknowledge those feelings, but what we shouldn't do is let them take over, because once that happens we'll sabotage the very change we seek to bring into our lives. Change seems like a dragon, but the reality is that change is your ally, if you make it into one. Today I want to talk about how working with change can greatly enhance your life (which participants in JOY, the upcoming life altering class on mastering internal work and applying it to your life, will accomplish) if you learn how to work with it and its agents instead of resisting it.
To turn change into your ally you've got to engage it on all levels of your being, starting with your feelings.
Embrace ALL of your feelings. The happiness and the fear, the excitement and the anxiety. All of those emotions are part of this process of change, but if you only focus on the positive ones, you're doing yourself a disservice. The negative emotions, as terrifying as they may seem to be, can also be a great source of inspiration. Fear can paralyze you or it can motivate you to push through and do the work you need to do. When I have different emotions come up in relationship to the change I'm creating and going through, I open myself to the feelings, and feel them. I don't think about them...I feel them in my body. My stomach knots up as I feel fear, my pulse races a bit as I feel anxiety, and yet I allow it...and keep myself present with what I'm feeling. By feeling it, I'm actually allowing myself to process and let go of the attachments the emotions embody. You can do this to.
When you feel fear, allow yourself to feel that fear to uncover what comes up in relationship to it. You may find that other emotions such as shame and guilt come up, which also need to be experienced. You might find that a specific event triggered the feeling and that you need to process that event. In my case, it was choosing to leave two networking leads groups I've been part of. Rationally I have excellent reasons for making the choice to leave, but emotionally it was hard to do and it felt like I was pushing myself out of a nest. Allowing myself to acknowledge that helped me feel the emotions and let go of their hold on me, because now they were acknowledged.
By embracing your darkest emotions, you turn them into fuel that empowers the change you seek to manifest in your life. You turn resistance into advantage.
With change, comes resistance. Your feelings are one form of that resistance, because they show up to try and keep you in the dead weight of your status quo. But when you embrace your feelings and accept them, you turn them into allies and as a result you turn their inertia of resistance into the momentum that powers your success. The primary resistance you'll always encounter with change is your internal fears and doubts rearing up to hold you back and until you harness them and turn them into your allies they will convince you not to taken action, to stay in the comfortable discomfort of your status quo. And not surprisingly you'll find that your external circumstances mirror the internal fears and doubts holding you back.
To truly hold space with your feelings and turn them into allies you need to shed the dead weight of the status quo.
For me shedding the dead weight of my status quo involved choosing to leave the networking groups I was part of. The networking groups in and of themselves weren't the problem. How I was showing up and feeling was the issue and until I gave myself permission to leave and shuck off the status quo, I couldn't effectively confront those feelings or how their resistance was stopping me. It was only when I could let go of the external situation, the obligation and other associations with it that I could then come face to face with my resistance and begin to turn it into an ally.
Your external situations mirror your internal reality because some part of you has created an agreement that you want to have that situation in your life. If that sounds messed up, just consider how many people settle for situations where they are miserable because some part of them feels they deserve it. That part is rooted in your feelings about yourself, such as doubt and fear. Until you embrace those emotions and turn them into allies, they will continue to hold you back, depriving you of the momentum you need to move forward. When you look at the situations you are in and you own how you show up in them, then you can get rid of the dead weight of status quo and start making the changes in your life and business from a place of informed awareness and empowerment. You're no longer staying in those situations, but instead choosing to do something about them, which is all part of the process of inner alchemy unfolding in your life!
The Inner Alchemical Path of Transformation
It's possible to tame the dragon of change and turn it into a transformative alchemical agent that puts you in touch with the momentum necessary to create your success.
It's possible to take your emotions of fear and doubt and transform them into inspiration and motivation that fuels the manifestation of what you really want.
We'll be covering this (and much more!) in JOY.
What happens as a result?
You step into your own power and exert it on yourself and the world. You create a new identity that is in touch with your deepest values and joys and helps you turn all of that into more wealth, joy, and love in your life. You become the person you know yourself to be and stop getting in the way of your own success.
About JOY
JOY is a practical magic virtual course that shows you how to align your internal reality with the possibilities you want to manifest in the world around you. Registration for JOY starts on April 4th, 2016 and closes on April 11th 2016.
If you decide to take JOY with me, here's the results you'll manifest by the end of the course:
- Turn your emotions into your allies and into momentum in your magical work.
- Manifest your wealth and joy in your life.
- Connect with other magical people taking this class.
- Discover your internal power and apply it to the world around you.
- Learn how to align your internal reality with the possibilities you want to manifest.
- And much more!
Want to learn more? You'll be hearing a lot more about JOY soon.
To make sure you get updates about the class and to get notification when registration is open, sign up for the Magical Experiments e-list and get the Dangerous Secret to Achieving Consistent Results by Experimenting with Magic
Image courtesy of Wikimedia
How I used Alchemy to change my life pt 2
In part 2 I discuss how I used the alchemical process of dissolution to change my life when I moved from the east coast to Seattle. Watch the video to learn more:
A Third Open Letter to Pagan Convention Organizers and to Pagan Presenters
Back in December of 2015 I wrote 2 open letters to Pagan Convention Organizers. In the first letter I explained that I no longer wanted to present at events where I was expected to pay to present and no compensation was offered for my efforts. In the second letter, I called for transparency on how guests of honor and featured presenters are selected, asking organizers to make it clear how a presenter is selected as well as what is offered to the presenter. I also asked my fellow presenters to share those posts and write about their perspectives as a presenter. Below is a list of links, where you can read the perspectives of some presenters and organizers who chose to write and share their insights in response to what I wrote. I want to thank them all for making the effort to write and share their thoughts. If I missed any, feel free to leave a comment with a link to the appropriate post.
Not too many presenters chose to write about this topic and I understand why, because they are potentially putting themselves on the firing line for sharing their own views, and consequently not being invited back to conventions. I was recently told by Jason Mankey that most of the rank and file agreed with what I wrote and I wasn't really sure what to make of that. Whether you agree or disagree, what I really hope you'll do is share your perspectives and thoughts as a presenters and yes as organizers as well, because this is an important conversation that we as a community need to have. And I don't expect that most people entirely do agree with my stance...in fact I know some who don't and I get why they don't.
I just got back from Convocation, which was a great event, well run, with lots of good programming. As I was there this time, there were some moments where I recognized that this really could be the last time I'm ever at that event. By choosing to take a stand and speak out about how presenters are compensated and how they are selected, I shined a light on a topic that can be touchy. I knew what the consequences were when I wrote those letters and I would do it all over again. But even so, I also recognize I might not be back and that I may have burned some bridges with different events I've previously presented at.
If presenters really agree with what I've written then I want to remind you of something. It is not the loudest voice that causes change to occur, but rather the multitude of voices that causes change to occur. One of the reasons I spoke up was because after 13 years of presenting at events, I feel like I've paid my dues and then some. When I first started speaking in 2003, I had co-written a book and I knew I had to pay my way if I wanted people to hear me speak. Even after I wrote Pop Culture Magick, Space/Time Magic, and Inner Alchemy, I still knew I needed to pay my dues, pay my way if I wanted people to hear me speak. That's the reality of presenting, early on...you have to be willing to put in the blood, sweat, tears, and yes money, if you want to reach out to the community at large.
But at some point you also want your efforts recognized and valued. You want to know that what you have to offer is worth something to the people your presenting for and that you'll get some help and compensation for that effort. And that's one reason I wrote those letters (and for that matter this one).
I also wrote those letters because I want all presenters to have a shot at being a featured presenter or guest of honor. I want all presenters to know what the criteria is and what they need to do on their end in order to meet that criteria. I have some further thoughts about that topic below, but first...
Thank you Pagan convention organizers
If' you've done a double take or you're blinking your eyes in confusion, I get it. It must seem odd that this person who has called you out is suddenly thanking you. Let me tell you why I'm thanking all of you (and recognizing a few of you).
I got a couple public responses and private responses to my open letters from people who organize Pagan conventions and festivals and what I took away from those responses is that Pagan convention organizers do a lot of volunteering and hard work to put together events. Now I knew that before I wrote my open letters, but in reading your responses to what I wrote I came away with a deeper appreciation for all the work you do on your end and the sacrifices that you make to make the events happen. It's not easy work and I don't know that you always get recognized or appreciated the way you should. I've always made it a point to thank event organizers that have had me present at their venue, but I know you do a lot of work and whether you believe it or not I do appreciate it. I also want to recognize some of you for taking the time to respond to me.
Laurie Pneumatikos and Typhon Dracos are the organizers for the Left Hand Path Consortium, occurring in April of this year. When they read my open letters, they responded and made a commitment to comp presenters their hotel rooms and registration. I've seen how hard they've been working to put the event together and I'm really appreciative and humbled by their generosity. I appreciate everything they are doing to take care of the presenters and I know my fellow presenters and I will do the same for them. Thank you so much for taking care of us.
David Smith is the con chair of this year's Convocation, which just wrapped up, and Lindsay Moss is one of the organizers. Lindsay initially responded to my questions and then put David in touch with me. David explained in great detail how featured presenters and guests of honor are selected. I really appreciate that both he and Lindsay took the time to respond and address my concerns. Thank you so much for making the time to connect with me.
Laurie Froberg of Paganicon also took the time to address my concerns and explained how guests of honor and featured presenters are selected as well as how they are comped. I really appreciated the transparency. Also Paganicon refunded me the admission I paid as a featured presenter a couple years ago, recognizing that they had charged me, when in fact featured presenters get their registration comped. In their defense, I had already submitted workshops and they had already been accepted by the time I became a featured presenter. Thank you so much for making the time to connect with me.
Laurelei Black of Babalon Rising shared the dual perspective of being a presenter and an organizer on her blog (which is linked above). I really appreciated the insights and transparency she brought to the process, when it comes to putting together an event and what the challenges are.
I didn't hear from any other convention organizers at the time I wrote the letters, but if any of you want to reach out you can. However, what I would really like all of you to do is the following:
A Renewed call for Transparency
What I would like to see is a commitment to publish online, and in your program packets, what your criteria is for someone becoming a guest of honor or featured presenter as well as give all of us, presenters and attendees alike, a clear idea as to what compensation, if any, is offered. I don't think this is an unreasonable request. I think, if anything, it will help presenters and attendees know what is actually happening and what their respective roles have to do with this process.
When I have visited various convention websites I haven't seen anything to this effect and I hope that changes, because otherwise it's rather hard for all involved to really know how this process works. I'd like to suggest the following feedback for specific types of events.
Invite only events: Some events are invite only. What I'd like to know is how does a presenter even go about getting noticed so that they get invited. Is their a secret handshake or knock or is their some other criteria that you are looking for from us? And what role do attendees have in this process, if any?
Guest of Honor/Featured Presenter events: With these events it seems that its up to the attendees to indicate that they want a presenter to return as a featured presenter and/or guest of honor (though in some cases the GOH is selected according to a theme). If that's the case, the attendees need to know that. One example I like is that Convocation has a session at the event, (If this is your first time at Convocation), where new attendees are briefed on the fact that what they want has an impact on next year's programming. I think having programming to explain the role of attendees and presenters is a good step to take, along with putting that information on the website and in the program packet.
Presenters I want you to take special notes here. If you want to come back to an event as a featured presenter or a GOH you need to tell the people who are attending your classes to put that information in the feedback forms. Don't expect that simply presenting year after year will get you that opportunity and don't expect that asking organizers to give you that opportunity will make it happen. Tell the people who attend your classes that if they want you back as a featured presenter or Guest of Honor that they need to leave that feedback so organizers see it. It's your responsibility to make sure people attending your class know that their feedback is important and can help get you in as a featured presenter or guest of honor.
Pay to Present events: Fortunately there aren't many of these events around. If you want to run an event like this where you expect presenters to pay to present then I have only piece of advice for you: Pay to present MUST apply to ALL presenters, not just the majority. What this means is that no presenter should be getting comped for registration, hotel or flights, or anything else if you're going to sweep it under the rug and officially pretend that you charge everyone.
Instead I would suggest switching over to a featured guest and guest of honor model AND making sure every presenter knows how it works and consequently has a shot of becoming a featured presenter or guest of honor. That way there's no favoritism and no nepotism at work.
Additionally if you are going to insist presenters pay and present at the least offer them a reduction on their registration dependent on how many workshops they are teaching. Otherwise you're just being greedy and unethical to the very people who are helping to make the event happen.
That's my feedback for all of you and I hope you will do something with it that makes this process transparent for all involved.
A slight revision on my stance
When I wrote the first two letters I said I wouldn't accept going to an event if my room or flight wasn't comped. I'm making a slight revision, which is this: If an event wants me as a featured presenter where they comp my registration and provide a table where my books are vended and sold and I'm given some marketing in the program book, I can work with that. And if you want to cover my flight or hotel room, I'd appreciate it, but I know that not every event can afford that. I know you have expenses and I accept that. What I want is opportunities to cover my expenses and perhaps even leave an event with some profit. And I do want a crack at the Guest of Honor at some point.
And lest someone accuse me of selling out...I'm not...I'm just accepting that there are certain realities to putting an event together that involves a lot of expense and moving parts. I get that and I know I won't always be a guest of honor, but I want what I have to offer acknowledged and valued and I have paid my dues, so I don't think its unreasonable to revise my stance a bit, but still make it clear that some form of compensation needs to happen.
And Finally an Announcement
I've always felt that a person can and should speak out on whatever issues is of concern to them. But I also think if you're going to speak up, you ought to have something to offer as a solution as well. So my fellows presenters this is what I'm offering you:
I am in the process of researching and putting together the various moving parts to putting on a virtual conference. It's going to take a while for me to do it, but I will do it and I will keep you appraised of it. More importantly, I promise that you will have the potential to make money. Note the word potential, because some effort on your part will be needed. I will be transparent about every aspect of this event, so keep your eyes peeled for more details down the line.